Chenzhou is aware of his failings.
He spends enough time thinking on them that he's got it down. He can be indecisive, tends to take far too long to think over his decisions before he makes them. The Court is always quick to remind him of exactly how long it takes.
He's prone to being too cautious and sticking with what he knows works. Eirian was the first big risk he ever took and while he's capable of acknowledging that it's definitely worked out, the urge to go back to being safe and sure is still there.
He gets comfortable and since he spent most of his life being very uncomfortable, he thinks it's understandable.
But he's not anymore and the more days he wakes up with energy and pain-free the more he understands that he needs to change.
It's no longer about making sure the Camelia survives one more day. Now, it's about raising her back to the glory she deserves as the first defender of the Empire.
Chenzhou's a coward too. He knows. At heart, he's never wanted to fight. He likes to teach and learn. Would have been more suited to being a scholar than a swordsman but there was no choice in that for him. Chenzhou didn't have the time or the energy to be angry about it before and now that he should, the idea of wasting that energy feels wasteful.
There's too many other things he should be spending it on.
Also, showing any kind of weakness feels like opening himself to an attack from pretty much everyone.
And it's not like he's much use to Eirian. If she decided to be done with him, there's not much Chenzhou could do about it.
None of it is something he can do anything about at this moment, but he can, at least, support Eirian with her father.
He tucks her hand into his elbow and matches her pace as they approach the dining room.
Eirian's steps don't falter. If anything, they get more determined as they step into the hall and the Court rises to meet them.
Eirian wasn't joking when she said her father cared about his reputation, he matched the steps of the Court perfectly. Rising and raising his glass with the rest of them as Chenzhou and Eirian took their seats.
Chenzhou had Yuze to his left and Eirian to his right, and he'd seated Lord Zhao and his younger brother to Eirian's right to give her a buffer between her and her father. Lord Yin and Lady Yang sat directly across from Lord and Lady Soliel.
It feels like they've been derailed from the more important issue of figuring out how his mother ended up with the pendant and who created it.
Somehow, he doubted Eirian's father had anything to do with it, but the man's timing could be worse.
Chenzhou tried to distract himself with dinner, enjoying the food for the first time in a long time and indulging Eirian's insistence that he try every cheese the kitchen seemed determined to serve tonight.
They made him gag, but it was the only time Eirian looked anything other than stone-faced or terribly blank. It was hard to reconcile the fiery woman he'd known so far, the one who'd been bold enough to threaten him on their wedding night and who threw herself into battle like she couldn't die, with the quiet one that was so worried about her appearance.
They made it all the way to the main course before Lord Soliel even spoke directly to Eirian. "It's lovely to see such care taken with this meal. I had understood things were more utilitarian here due to the nature of the estate."
Eirian sipped her wine, ignoring the uncomfortable shifting from the other dinner guests. "They mastered war, why is it so surprising they managed a simple dinner?"
Francis Soliel didn't miss a step. "I must say, this is unexpectedly elegant. I hope no one felt the need to overextend."
Anger flashed hot and sharp in Chenzhou's chest, and it took years of facing his own Court to keep it from showing on his face. A few of the other Lords and Ladies weren't quite so quick to hide it.
Eirian popped another dinner roll in her mouth, looking supremely unbothered. "It looked like this when I arrived." Which wasn't entirely true, in a fit she'd had the tapestries and changed, but that was it.
Lord Soliel sipped his own wine. Chenzhou couldn't read anything from his expression, but his shoulders were a hair higher than they'd been before. Did Eirian know her father well enough to see it?
Chenzhou had the childish urge to lean over and point it out.
So he did.
He leaned over and whispered it in her ear, not surprised that she'd noticed, but pleased at the amused look that overcame her at his effort. To the rest of the room they probably looked like smitten newlyweds, too focused on one another to care about maintaining the proper distance at an official dinner.
And Chenzhou normally didn't condone gossip, why waste energy going out of your way to say something you'd never say to someone's face? But Eirian relaxed, even smiled a bit, after. And so did several members of the Camelia's Court, relieved to see their Lord and Lady acting more like the young couple they are. Even Lady Yang as an aura of approval around her.
Lady Soliel jumped into break the silence. "I didn't realize the Court of the Camelia was so large."
"The Court of the Camelia is the longest standing court in the Land of Sorrow." Chenzhou recited. "And the only Court in which all its members directly serve the estate and the King."
It's significant that the Court of the Camelia even exists. There's no other kingdom with two recognized courts, too much of a threat that one could try to overthrow the other. But these two in Sorrow had existed peacefully side by side for centuries.
Was that why Lord Soliel was here? To try and use Eirian's new position to shore up his own cause?
He was in for a nasty surprise if thought Eirian or Chenzhou was going to support him.
~ tbc