The shaking of the carriage wasn't helping me with thinking straight, but it's not like there was much to think about in the first place.
Jagon knew, and he was an ally. That's everything concrete I could get from that.
"Meow."
"Yes, yes. Don't worry, I didn't forget about you."
I petted Ispra with a small smile.
My eyes naturally drifted towards my backpack.
It was packed. So packed that I barely managed to fit everything in even after throwing away my textbook for literature.
Some things were more important than others, but I still judged all of them as needed.
Out of the most important stuff, there were two letters, two bottles of poison, my notebooks and... not yet, I will not talk about that quite yet.
The two letters were from Jagon. They were referential letters. One was for the Adventurer guild, and the other for a magic academy called Mahogrand.
Apparently, Mahogrand was the best magic academy in the whole of Kemaito, and it was situated in the capital. So, for now, that was my destination. After all, learning Foundation Magic is probably instrumental to getting back to my old world, and there was bound to be something about Foundation Magic there... right?
'Welp, not like I'll get there soon, no need to worry about it right now. The academy arc is still far away.'
I wasn't planning on using these two letters. It was for the simple reason that I didn't want to stand out. I'm not sure how much influence Jagon has, but considering he has the balls to refer me to the best magic academy in the country, he must be pretty well-known, so being referred by him would attract too much attention.
That didn't mean these letters weren't useful, no, they were extremely powerful. It's just that revealing power makes you the subject of hostility, so they should only be used when I'm backed into a corner.
There was nothing new about my notebooks, so I glossed over them in my mind.
'That's kind of a lie, no?'
There was one notebook I have no memory of writing in, but I knew I have written something in it. I don't know what it is about, all I know is that I should only open it when―
'Nonono. Stop thinking about it.'
That was a territory I would only step into at a very rare circumstance.
Taking my mind off that topic, I started thinking about the two bottles of poison in my backpack.
One of them was Kumorsh's poison. After calming down from Samar's death, I took the opportunity to get it. Just having it was making me feel bad, but my feelings don't matter when it comes to a poison as powerful as that.
The other poison was a simple poison that numbed the body.
I had gotten resistance to as many poison effects as possible: blood clotting, severe bleeding, paralisis, respiratory problems and even ones that make you fall asleep. But there was one effect I had specifically not gotten resistance to; it was exactly numbness.
Numbness did not restrict your movement, it only made it harder to control. It's not that your muscles wouldn't move, it's just that you wouldn't feel them moving. That's a big difference.
And considering that it also removed all the pain you might be feeling in that area, it was more valuable to keep it effective. In high stakes situations where pain might slow the mind, pouring numbness poison on the wound could be an effective way to ignore that pain.
Of course, that also required full knowledge of how your body moves, but with my constant training in body language, I was pretty much a master at that.
'Yep, very important things.'
I nodded to myself in satisfaction.
Of course, it's not like those were my only important things.
My dagger and my bag with money were on my belt. I kept them close as they were the things I valued the most. If I kept at least one of the two, I could get the other one and everything else. ―That was my thought process.
"You're leaving at Toride, right?"
I looked at the driver, whose name was Paul.
"Yeah."
I had already discussed everything with Paul. I would serve as his bodyguard, and he would get me closer to the capital. Since we were doing each other a favor, we wouldn't be paying each other.
In fact, for the sake of not paying for travel, I had specifically waited for a pushover like Paul. After all, most merchants (the good ones) would ask for payment in this situation.
"I'm sure you've heard, but the next village, Kyoku, is three days away, so we'll set up camp two times. Since you have nothing to do right now, I suggest you sleep so that you can be awake while I'm sleeping."
"Alright."
I nodded, even though he wouldn't see me nod. He said exactly what I was planning to do in the first place.
I lied down and closed my eyes.
After practicing external mana sensing until failure, I went to sleep.
***
The carriage stopped, so I opened my eyes.
Even thought I slept, I still felt a bit tired. Getting through the night would be difficult, I presumed.
I raised my body that was a bit stiff from sleeping on wood.
Paul was already picking up horse feed from the carriage to feed his horses. He didn't spare me a glance, his moves were automatic and he overall looked very out of it.
I etched his expression into my mind before hopping off the carriage.
With a glance, I quickly noticed something that perplexed me.
There was a campfire next to the carriage. It wasn't lit, but it was clearly ready to be used, and there were even logs and sawdust next to it for extra fuel.
The amount of logs and sawdust was a bit staggering.
"Hey, Paul, why is there a campfire here?"
Paul, who was now carrying two empty buckets, looked at me with somewhat empty eyes before shaking his head and giving a small smile.
"Ah well, this is a rest spot, after all."
'A rest spot...'
I didn't know what that was, but I could deduce the meaning.
It was probably a means for all kinds of wanderers to take a breather. A kind of thing that didn't necessarily exist on a map, but was used and known despite that. A kind of trade secret, perhaps?
But that deduction made me even more perplexed. A rest spot? For everybody to use? With no loss? And no benefits for whoever made it?
"I didn't think merchants would be the type for this."
"We might be greedy, but we are still people."
He gave a wry smile, knowing all too well where I was coming from.
It would be all too easy for a single person to just go ahead and take all of these logs, but nobody did that. It was truly surprising.
Greed was perhaps the most prevalent sin of all when it comes to humans. We always wish for more and for what we don't have. It's all the more so for merchants, they were the greediest of all.
For this kind of thing to exist despite that... to say that it restored my faith in humanity would be too much, but it was similar.
I shrugged, it's not like we were going to use the campfire in the first place. We didn't have anything to cook, and the night wasn't cold, so it was useless to us.
Just then, Paul started walking somewhere with the two empty buckets. I followed for the sake of it.
We were walking on a path that wasn't 'made', but was trampled until it became a path. Slowly, the sound of a flowing river entered my ears.
When we reached it, Paul filled the two buckets with water, along with his canteen. I drank a bit from mine and also filled it to the brim.
When we walked back, Paul gave the buckets to the horses. Then, he lied down in the carriage with a yawn.
"Well, I'm done for the day. Good night."
He fell asleep almost immediately.
'...How tiring.'
The life of a travelling merchant looked truly tiring. Having to fake smile in front of others constantly, sleeping on cold hard wood, and never having assurance you could earn to live another month.
It was not a job for the weak. Just looking at Paul was making my body feel heavier.
It wasn't a job I could ever see myself doing. ―With a passing thought like that, I looked at the sky.
The stars and moon were the same as normal, but that made it all the better for me.
I liked things that didn't change, they brought me peace.
A man who acted like an annoying prick no matter what. A cat which always demanded attention. People that always support me. The sun, moon and sky.
Any deviation from the norm made me worried and tired.
Whenever things changed, I was forced to react, in other words, I was forced to think and act. It was all so tiring.
That is the truth.
...No, that should be the truth.
But for some reason, I was feeling more on edge the more time passed.
Things that were repetitive, the idea of constant things, used to always make me calm down. And yet, now they only made me restless.
The fact that I was on this journey instead of continuing learning magic from Jagon is proof. After all, it's not like it was a bad idea, it's just that I didn't want to do it.
Why is that the case? ―I asked that myself.
So, I did the only thing I was good at.
I looked at myself from a third person's perspective.
I cut off all stimuli. Then, I started constructing myself from my memories.
I understood all of my actions and thoughts in all the situations I could remember, and then made a mental image of myself.
The answer revealed itself all to easily.
When I do repetitive things, I feel like I'm stuck in place.
Normally, that is good. I don't want change in the first place.
But now, I actually wanted for things to be different.
"Progress..."
The word felt foreign on my tongue.
Even though it was what I wished for, just thinking about it was making me frown. I didn't like it at all.
But quickly, that frown was replaced by a small smile. That was all because of a single thought.
'But it doesn't matter.'
Nothing about me matters. A thought that would normally make people freak out, instead brought me peace.
With that same small smile, I started training.
***
Getting through the night was indeed difficult, but the moment the sun rose, my sleepiness went away.
Why couldn't I be so energized during the night? ―I complained to nobody in my mind.
Anyway, with me not a bit sleepy, there was one thing I had to do.
I had to find out whether Paul was an 'enemy' or not.
He was a pushover, that was a fact. And not only that, he seemed to trust people way too easily. The fact that he fell asleep right in front of me with zero hesitation, even though I have no qualifications, proved it.
And yet, a person like him was a merchant? That made no sense. You wouldn't be able to live in the trade with such a personality.
So there was something more to him. Something that he didn't show all too easily. And that something could make him an enemy of mine.
But, well, finding out whether he is an enemy or not is stupidly easy. I just had to let my personality do its thing.
"Hey, Paul. Do you like being a travelling merchant?"
He hummed in thought for some time, not taking his eyes off the road.
"That's a... difficult question to answer."
"Why?"
"It's because the life of a travelling merchant is so full of things. There are not many jobs that have as little stability as this one. Sometimes I am happy beyond belief, and at other times... I curse everything that led me to make the decision to become one."
"And at the current moment?"
A small silence enveloped us as I looked at his back.
"...I'd say I'm more happy than sad."
I couldn't see his expression, but that didn't matter.
The tone of his voice, the small silences, the hesitation, the way he shifted in his seat. I made sure to take all of that in.
"Really? You're happy despite the great burden that you seem to carry on your back?"
I had only spent one day with him, but that was enough.
The empty gaze he had last night before I called out to him. The machiine-like way he did everything. It was not just because he was used to it, it was also because he was in deep thought.
The reason why such a pushover was a merchant, and the reason he was in deep thought. I could guess that both of those were about the same thing. And it was most likely something extremely bad.
As such―
"Don't talk to me as if you know me."
Even when the atmosphere was turned on its head, and his voice turned slightly threatening, I kept my calm.
Even if he was a pushover at the start, being in the merchant world would have definitely changed him.
He might trust me, but only because he saw I was honest in my wish to get closer to the capital. He might be a pushover, but he has a certain line others must not cross.
Couple that with his 'burden', and he is a person who can change his sides, while not on a whim, but still very rapidly.
I did not like those kinds of people.
So, to the person I would have to spend the next week with, I gave this evaluation―
Enemy.