Am I a miserable person? Before, I would say no. But now, I wasn't so sure.
This is because I just spent my last week torturing myself, hate-reading a dogshit web novel.
Typically, I look down on those who hate-watch/read and the like. 'How miserable of a person must they be to mindlessly spend their time consuming something they hate?' I used to think.
However, this was different.
The Sword Sage's Journey was a book of everything I hated.
We'll begin with the beginning.
Hawks Maverick was born into a poor family with an abusive alcoholic father (since that's one of the only two possibilities for fathers in anime). His mother was kind and caring, same as his little sister who he loved a lot.
Then one night, bandits entered his home and the rest is history. His mother and sister were both killed while he fearfully watched in hiding, unable to do anything.
As a result, he vowed to never be weak, protect his loved ones, blah blah blah, blah blah blah.
Eventually, Hawks found his way into an orphanage, and as you may guess—he was bullied for being weak!
Next, the orphanage was attacked by monsters or something when he was 15 or so. Everybody died, except him obviously.
This was when he received his overpowered, cheat system.
This backstory was so cliche, I was waiting the entire time for the author to subvert my expectations and play with the trope, but no. It was just that cliche, no play on it or anything.
The next part revolved around him venturing into monster infested woods that is supposed to be extremely dangerous, yet he just so happens to only meet the perfect monsters. They're either weak enough to train him, or they're not strong enough to kill him—allowing him to escape with minimal injury every time.
Despite hating absolutely everything so far, I still wanted to give the story a chance, so I continued reading in hopes the story may get better.
However, that was a huge mistake as every part I read fueled my hate and distaste for the novel, yet I couldn't stop, falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.
It honestly felt like the author made the story to ragebait me.
Now, let the true rant begin.
Let's start with the MC.
To put it simply: he is a generic, overpowered self-insert.
The only adjectives to describe him are heroic, powerful, resilient, flawless, caring, etc. And this is perhaps my biggest gripe with the novel and all stories in general: a generic MC is a terrible MC.
When asked for your favorite character in a story, it should almost always be the main character. The majority of stories revolve entirely around them, so if they're boring, the story will be boring.
I don't care what you think. No interesting plot, side characters, or female leads will make me like a story if the MC is boring.
At the very least—they must be interesting, and the fans should not say that the best parts of the story are when the MC is absent.
Back to Hawks: he is pretty damn stupid at times, which is already infuriating as I hate dumb characters, yet the author attempts to portray him as smart, making it far more infuriating.
When Hawks says something or makes a decision that is either common sense or just slightly clever, everyone pretends like the MC is a genius and some side characters monologue and praise the MC for his incredible wit.
Even worse, there are occasions where I can even spot loopholes in Hawks' "genius" plans while skimming the story half-heartedly, yet it goes completely unnoticed by any characters because of the author's oversight.
Moreover, the fact that Hawks never suffers any consequences to his actions irks me to no end.
Hawks's system is alive and often gives him advice and warnings.
There are times when the system—an extremely wise and knowledgeable being who is designed to help him—clearly warns Hawks not to do something very risky, yet he doesn't listen and does it anyway.
To give an example:
'BACK AWAY. THE CEILING IS GOING TO COLLAPSE!'
"NO!! I can sense a relic there!" Hawks says as he rushes into the cave.
And obviously, he ends up escaping just in the nick of time before the cave collapses and securing the relic.
Oh, and the random relic that he picked up happens to be of a high rank and extremely useful, accompanying Hawks for the rest of the story.
There is also the moment where Hawks's friend is taken by an incredibly powerful enemy who Hawks has literally a 0% chance of beating, yet he still foolishly challenges them to save his friend.
Obviously, someone powerful shows up in the nick of time and saves his ass.
Oh, and that friend happens to be a beautiful damsel in distress that he had met a few days ago who proceeds to fall in love with him because of his bravery.
Now, let's move on to my second massive gripe: the harem.
So… talking about harems, I don't dislike them… In fact, I quite like them…
I am only a man after all.
However, that is not to say approximately 91.618% of harems are done terribly and actively make the story worse.
We'll begin with the first cardinal sin of harems: too many members.
While it definitely feels nice to imagine your loser, virgin ass dating seven beautiful and powerful women at the same time, when seven girls are introduced as female leads in 50 chapters, that is an absolute no go.
Attempting to remember all their names, appearance (hair and eye color), backgrounds, and powers was an enormous challenge. One that I never conquered.
And with the seven female leads, four of them do not stand out at all, being extremely forgettable. Their personalities are all the same with barely anything differentiating them: cute, adorable maidens in love, how sweet right?
'Oh! Look at this girl, she is an amazing cook! Look at the feast she prepared for him. Oh, then there's that one. She is an amazing artist! See that beautiful portrait she spent 20 hours painting of her and Hawks, so cute right? Then there's this one—she's a gamer girl…' is what I assume the author wants me to think.
Moving on to the other terrible sin with harems: girls losing their personality and behaving like the world revolved around the MC.
Once, the women were interesting. They had individuality—quirks, interests, and goals they desperately wanted to accomplish.
Then, all of it falls apart once they get charmed by the main character.
Their quirks become how they approach love to the MC. Their interest is the MC. They want to accomplish their goal with the MC despite previously proclaiming they wanted to accomplish it alone to prove themselves.
'Oh, this one is so bold! She just asked him to close his eyes and went for the kiss! Oh, this one is so cute! She shoved her head into a pillow and is kicking her legs against the bed after accidentally saying she loved him!'
In the novel, the worst offender had to be Rose Windward.
She was a bright talent, an extremely fierce fighter carving her way through harsh competition to prove herself as one of the shining stars within the empire.
You want to know what happened to her character after she joined Hawks' harem?
Suddenly, she who once fearlessly faced down powerful monsters wanted him to protect her, speak up for her, and stand in front while she lingered behind.
It was pathetic to read, like watching a flame willingly drown itself in water. All that strength, reduced to an accessory.
Oh and I forgot! Even after the MC already had like three women in his harem, HE WAS STILL A FUCKING SIMP.
There would be a girl who asks him to do something that he doesn't want to do. After he refuses, the girl would press her tits onto his back, arm, or somewhere else. Hawks would then blush and begin stuttering, letting out an awkward laugh and agree to her request.
I'll admit that I might have behaved somewhat similarly to him when I was still a horny, virgin teenager, but I was lonely, compared to this dumbfuck still chasing chicks when he already had three ride-or-dies. (By the way, they became hard ride-or-dies in like two months of meeting).
And even when they were down to do some unholy things with him, his virgin ass is too dense to understand, or he runs away blushing.
He is one of the characters who you wish got NTR'd, and I don't say that lightly.
Ahh! And I forgot to mention the villains, they're just as terrible as everything else.
They almost all follow one of these categories.
The cartoonishly evil villains: being evil for the sake of being evil, or the story demands it so they can serve as a stepping stone for Hawks.
The edgy/tragic villains: they went through some traumatic, dark backstory and now want to cause that pain to other people type shit.
Then, there are the incompetent, third-rate villains; usually nobles who think they're hot shit and talk trash about Hawks, a commoner. They'll make a terrible scheme against him, which he will see through despite his tiny brain. Then, he'll challenge them to a fight and humiliate them grandly because they're weak as shit for whatever reason.
Ahh… just thinking about all of that made me angry. Now that I finally caught up and can evidently say the story is trash, I can finally leave a review.
After writing a large portion of the review, I realized perhaps I was a bit too harsh.
While the characters were an absolute mess, the story was not all terrible. I couldn't find any faults with the world building nor the power system, which may have been heavily *inspired* by a certain big novel.
However, I still left the review as one star despite the fact two or three stars would be more appropriate due to the sheer amount of things I despised about the novel.
Submitting the review, I brushed my teeth and went to bed.
***
When I woke up, I realized something extremely strange: I was not tired.
'...How? …hahahaha…! Is this what it feels like? To wake up energized and refreshed, this is amazi— huh?' My ecstatic thoughts halted as I looked at my blanket.
Instead of my fluffy ocean themed blanket, it was pure white. And instead of wearing my azure sleeping robe, I was completely naked. My previous barely visible six-pack was now incredibly well defined, looking like I shed 10% body fat overnight.
Shaking off the daze of just waking up, a terrible theory hit me.
'No… No way right? This can't be happening! Wait… please don't tell me—' I thought as I quickly looked around the massive room for a mirror.
I looked around the luxurious room in frantic panic.
If my worries were correct, the author had likely transmigrated me into the body of an extra or a third-rate villain who was going to die.
'FUCKKKK!' I shouted internally.
I had never been the type to accidentally voice thoughts out loud, however this was the closest I had ever come.
This is because I became Aurelius Augustus Astrea: a talentless trash, third-rate villain.
One who would taunt and attempt to humiliate the MC only to end up being the one disgraced, used as a stepping stone for my sister to join his harem.
But just then, a thought entered my mind. A grand realization.
Wait… This shitty situation… Is this what I think it is?
Being transmigrated as an extra or third-rate villain destined to die. In this situation, they always end up breaking the chains of fate and rising, do they not?
If this follows the same tropes as the other transmi—AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Before I could finish my thoughts, an extreme and sudden pain flooded my mind. Memories that weren't mine filled my mind.
It was the most painful thing I've ever gone through, that time in P.E. when the volleyball spiked right into my balls did not even come close (Actual true story).
Sometime during the memory assimilation, I had passed out and someone brought me back onto the bed.
After I woke up, I blankly looked at the ceiling for some while collecting my thoughts. My mind was in a mess understanding Aurlius' situation.
With a thought, I summoned the runes.
===
Name: Aurelius Augustus Astrea
Age: 19
Realm: Adept, Initial Stage
Physique: Aether Reaper Vessel
Arcanum: Hands of Order; Creates hands that can be phantom or physical, capable of disrupting mana flow, healing themselves, and being strengthened.
Arcana:
Metamorphosis: Hands can transform into other forms such as claws, blades, or tendrils.
Stats:
Mana Capacity: S
Mental Strength: A
Strength: B
Speed: B+
Vitality: SS+
(A/N: To avoid confusion, stats are determined through comparison with others based on their Realm and Stage)
===
'Hehehe… A physique… Adept realmed at 19… This is even faster than the protagonist! …For now, at least.' I nearly couldn't believe it when I saw Aurelius' memories and runes.
I am an absolute, peerless genius with one in a millennium talent!