Chapter 77: DING HAO THE NOOB
ENTER DING HAO
Ding Hao licked his cracked lips as he peered down at the caravan from his bush hideout, his DEMONIC GRINDSET ACTIVATED.
"Just 137 more kills... then I can finally leave this dump and become Second Zombie King's official disciple!"
BACKSTORY DUMP (IT'S GIVING VILLAIN ORIGIN ARC):
Former life: Literal who servant
Current grind:
✅ Found DEMONIC CAVE (zombies avoided it like Ohio)
✅ Upgraded C-grade → B-grade talent (no more NPC stats)
✅ 8 YEARS of solo zombie farming (rizzless behavior)
Final quest: Kill 1k people + build zombie army (white/black/blue hair variants)
TWITCH CHAT REACTS:
💀 "BRO REALLY NO-LIFED THIS GRIND FOR 8 YEARS??"
🍿 "SECOND ZOMBIE KING'S DISCORD MOD APPLICATION BE LIKE"
🐍 "MFW THE TUTORIAL IS LONGER THAN THE GAME"
ZOMBIE WAVE 1: WHITE-HAIR NOOBS
The caravan's outer guards nearly PISSED THEMSELVES when they saw:
300+ WHITE-HAIR ZOMBIES hopping like TikTok dancers
NPC REACTION: "LMAO ez clap— wait HOLY GYATT!"
BATTLE LOG:
Gu Masters SPAMMED elemental attacks (fireballs/icicles mid diff)
White-hairs FOLDED like paper (but infinite respawn glitch)
Ding Hao (watching replay): "Perfect... their MP is draining 👹"
ZOMBIE WAVE 2: BLACK-HAIR SWEEP
50 BLACK-HAIR ZOMBIES (stats = hundred beast king) YEETED the wooden walls:
NPC DEFENSE: "We built that in 5 mins bro—"
ZOMBIES: "And?" (proceeds to CLAP rank 1 Gu Masters)
FANG YUAN ENTERS CHAT:
Casually PUNCHES a black-hair zombie → CHEST CAVED IN
Grabs arms → RIPS IT IN HALF like a Walmart bag
Rescued NPC: "HE'S HIM!!" (immediate glazing)
DING HAO'S REACTION: "Since when did this ugly mf have main character stats?!"
CARAVAN MALDING HOURS
NPCs split into TWO BRAINCELL FACTIONS:
"DEFEND TILL SUNRISE!" (copium)
"BREAKTHROUGH OR DIE!" (doomer)
Fang Yuan (sigma smirk): "Both sides are DUMB AS HELL."
SIGMA MOVE UNLOCKED:
Sends 3 SCOUT TEAMS as cannon fodder
Rules out escape routes (big brain plays)
FINDS DING HAO'S HIDESPOT through elimination
FINAL BREAKTHROUGH (IT'S GIVING BETRAYAL ARC)
Fang Yuan "leads" 8 GU MASTERS to charge:
5 DIE IMMEDIATELY (skill issue)
2 SURVIVE (temporary)
FANG YUAN: "Oops" (casually murders last two with bone spears)
CLIMAX:
Fang Yuan YELLS AT THE MOUNTAIN:
"DING HAO, GET OUT HERE!"
Ding Hao's brain BLUESCREENED as Fang Yuan's voice echoed through the mountain:
"DING HAO, GET OUT HERE!"
DING HAO'S MENTAL STATE:
❓ "How does he know my government name?!"
🤯 "I've been hiding for 8 YEARS—"
🧠 "Is this a glitch in the matrix??"
Fang Yuan (smirking): "Of course Master Second Zombie King told me."
TWIST REVEAL: Fang Yuan drops the BIGGEST GASLIGHT of the arc:
Claims to be ELDEST SENIOR BROTHER
Exposes Ding Hao's STONE SLAB CONFESSIONALS (bro really talked to a rock for years)
Flexes RANK 3 PEAK STAGE aura (rizz > facts)
DING HAO: "P-please show me the Zombie Heart Gu as proof!"
FANG YUAN: "You think I'd carry that while UNDERCOVER? Are you acoustic??"
DING HAO (sweating VERY hard): "MY BAD MY BAD I'M SO SORRY SENIOR!!!"
ACT 1: THE MANIPULATION KING
Fang Yuan BULLIES Ding Hao into submission:
Calls him "NOT EVEN A DISCIPLE YET" (emotional damage)
Threatens to "EASILY KILL YOU" (while explaining zombie control weaknesses)
Forces him to RECALL GREEN-HAIR ZOMBIES (like scolding a dog)
DING HAO'S RESPONSE:
🥺 "Eldest senior brother... I yearn to follow Master..." (immediate glazing)
ACT 2: ZOMBIE COMMANDER SIMULATOR
Fang Yuan takes CONTROL OF THE BATTLEFIELD:
Orders Ding Hao to WEAKEN zombies near him (but make it look realistic)
INTENTIONALLY TAKES A HIT (sigma male grindset)
Shang Xin Ci & Xiao Die: "HE'S SO BRAVE 😍"
Bai Ning Bing: "This guy FAKED that injury..."
ESCAPES WITH THE GIRLS while caravan NPCs get FOLDED
TWITCH CHAT REACTS:
💀 "BRO USED 'PROTECT THE GIRLS' AS COVER FOR MASSACRE"
🍿 "DING HAO OUT HERE PLAYING 4D CHESS BUT FANG YUAN'S ON 5D"
🐍 "EVEN THE ZOMBIES ARE BETTER ACTORS THAN SOME IDOLS"
ACT 3: THE BETRAYAL (IT'S GIVING OLD YELLER)
After securing Shang Xin Ci's ETERNAL SIMP STATUS, Fang Yuan returns to Ding Hao:
"You did well... now show me your cave location."
Ding Hao (excited): "It's by the pentagram pond! Eldest senior brother, will you visit—"
FANG YUAN: "Oh look, someone escaped!" (classic distraction)
SIKE! → SPIRAL BONE SPEAR THROUGH THE SKULL
DING HAO'S LAST THOUGHT: "...did i just receive a skill issue?"
EPILOGUE: CLEANUP (LITERALLY)
🔥 Burns Ding Hao's corpse (no witnesses)
🧟 Lets zombies NATURALLY scatter (big brain forensics evasion)
🚶♂️ Leaves while Shang Xin Ci's TRUST METER hits 100%
FINAL LINE:
"Only the dead don't snitch."
TWITCH CHAT FINAL REACT:
🐍 "HOLY SHIT QUOTE FANG YUAN QUICK!!! THAT WAS COLD AF!!!"
🔥 "BRO TURNED A LOYAL PUPPY INTO ASH 💀"
💀 "RIP DING HAO U WERE TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD"