I found myself amidst the glow of machines whirring noisily, the blue hues of their reflective screens destroying my retinas like flashbangs. My eyes rested on the controls before me, but I didn't take anything truly in... Just the lingering memory of what happened days prior...
Fuck...
Was I betrayed?
Was that even the right word for it?
If we were never really on the same side then it probably wasn't the right word to truly describe what I felt, or even what happened...
Because inside I didn't feel betrayed, at least not by him...
I knew how it was supposed to feel, like a knife dug into your back and twisted reaching out of your gut all the way from the other side.
Ayanokouji... His actions; even in the moment one could say that I was fully thrown to the curb, I wasn't surprised by what he did. It even made sense in a weird way, his heart was never in it. What I still couldn't come to terms with... was the others. How the victims of such horrible abuse could cover for the person responsible... all the while condemning me, just because I tried to save them...
Was I wrong to try at all?
Hey, tell me... I don't know about a God or any of that other crap but, there's gotta be some reason why I got this power, right? Was I chosen? Did it simply fall into my lap by chance?
...
It's all the same either way, right? Those that have the means should do something, otherwise I would be the exact same as useless adults forever pinning the world's problems on others. That's what I wanted, to do something and make a difference, a real difference, something tangible. Like a game. Clear a zone of bad guys with a real score, as if you could see a percentage in real time. I figured by simply following that plan I could do it and eventually clear the level. I wasn't concerned about what came after, whether a new level would be unlocked or that would be the end of the game.
I just never anticipated that the people I planned on saving would turn on me.
Helping people was harder than I thought... Most of them don't even want it.
...
Did time break the bonds we once had? Or was it him?
The screen flashed red as the gun I held limply fell to the ground, the blaring screams of a game over resounding in my mind. The image of the beach and my defeat leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
...
Game over. Huh?
That was an understatement.
The screen shut off, asking for another insertion of credit for the game to continue. My reflection painted in the LED screen, the true face of defeat. I was convinced.
This is what death looked like.
It wasn't the lively, colourful affair shown in games or media, instead it was the quiet acceptance of your own situation. The shallow realisation that I couldn't do anything to change, and I would have to continue life in this way. Feeling numb to anything and everything.
Days ago, my anger was still smouldering. The fire still there, now I just felt cold.
Before, I couldn't sleep.
Now, it was all I could do.
Even as I walked and innocuously participated in what was my favourite pastimes, I felt cold. Like the walking dead. I never wanted to become like this. My reflection was shown in nearly every salaryman I came across on the underground. Dead eyes. Eyes that had already surrendered to something else. I wonder what had beaten all of them?
Was this just the natural progression of life? To stop clinging to it?
"Wow, you suck at this game! You still playing? If not get outta my way." Some random kid must've been watching, randomly he started berating me. It felt deserved.
"Hey! Hey, mister get moving!"
"..." Tell me about it, I've not managed to get even a single point on the board. Relying on other people to do everything for me, no wonder I ended up in this position.
"Hey, did you not hear me? I said get moving, will you?!"
"..."
"Are you ignoring me-!?" A small hand grabbed me by my shirt, tiredly I looked upwards finally greeting the face of the kid.
"Ah- Um- I'm sorry, really!" His cap fell to the floor as he warily stepped back, almost fleeing from me.
"..." Why are you stopping? Didn't I deserve to be berated?
Wasn't I completely useless? Hadn't I achieved a grand total of nothing?
...
What's that expression for?
I'm not someone that needs that sort of response, it was the sort of thing you did when happening upon a monster. A villain...
...
-!
Those last words...
It was only then I realised what had happened. Despite myself, I couldn't stop the laughter from falling out my mouth.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
It was sudden like a flash of lightning, the embers of my anger burned once more. At Kamoshida, Ayanokouji, but especially at myself.
So this was my role...
It didn't matter who viewed me the same, no it would probably be better the more people that did. That's why he did it, it's also why he wouldn't care if it was my friends, classmates, teachers or even family that disavowed me.
I was the villain.
I was made to be scorned and hated.
There was something strangely comforting about finding your place in this world, as if the puzzle fits together almost immediately, it didn't matter if that role was forced on you by someone else. Knowing what you had to do and what you are, for someone like me, there was no greater feeling.
The only thing that captured my mind after that realisation was just what Ayanokouji Kiyotaka was...
Just how long had everything, absolutely everything, been going exactly according to his plan?
And what would be the end result?
But more than anything...
What do you call someone that made a villain effortlessly?
...
I threw my hands back into my pockets, ignoring the kid that had sprawled backwards in an attempt to avoid me. The noisy machines' torment leaving me as I wandered out the door.
Changing your routine had a strange effect on your psyche. What was once the stranglehold that I always wanted to end, you end up missing it. Without the need to attend school, I forget my days and what transpires during them.
It was only during this time that I was made acutely aware... that I am alone. Truly alone.
I had no friends or allies, my mother sooner believed the lies told by the school and my friends of the past covered for their abuser. The only person I could rely on was arguably as monstrous as the person I vowed to defeat.
My fault for relying on someone else... That's what it came down to.
'Aren't you forgetting the most important part, though?' A voice whispered inside me.
If I've already lost everything, then what else did I have to fear?
If no one cares about the end result, can't I throw my body onto the pyre to condemn that monster?
I wonder... if even these thoughts are part of your plan, Ayanokouji?
Did you tell me to look towards the future to avoid this? To look the future head on whilst pushing me further into a corner?
Trash.
The same as Kamoshida.
I don't know whether you claim some sick enjoyment from playing with me in the same twisted way as Kamoshida or if you feel absolutely nothing from doing so... I don't even know which is worse.
But I don't intend to let everything go in your favour.
I'll burn that castle to the ground, with or without you...
[Phantom Opera]
The coat I carried had already come unravelled and slung over my arm, the weather really was too strong for this. Not to mention how out of place I would look with it on... That could bring back potential problems in the future.
Bounding around the familiar alleyways, I slung the coat back onto my body, the familiar weight pressing against my chest, along with the reminder that everything might change after this single visit to the metaverse.
I came to a familiar corner, only to find that I was intruded upon. A face that I wasn't entirely sure I would see. A faint feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment washed over me. He was finally using his head, my instruction wasn't entirely wasted.
"Tch. Had a feeling I was right. Kinda hoping I wasn't..." He said standing from his crouched position with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "The hell are you wearing, it's hot as hell out!?"
I didn't bother responding to what I thought was a good date outfit. Couldn't exactly have Sojiro questioning too much. Plus this coat was convenient, even if it was slightly cumbersome in this weather.
"I can leave if you'd like."
"Don't you go running on my account. You're seriously out of line, I could end up getting expelled or something because of that stunt you pulled." His voice sounded almost defeated, he might just accept that outcome.
"You played along perfectly. Well done." His eyes narrowed at me. Clearly, he wouldn't be so forgiving so soon.
"Hardly playing along, I socked you f'real, y'know." And his feelings during it were perfectly real as well, that made it the perfect performance. Plenty of people witnessed the event; our so-called falling out, and most importantly Mishima relayed it all to Kamoshida. Above all; my assumed intentions were revealed not only to Kamoshida but to the other students, specifically Suzui. I imagine an entirely different sight will welcome us as we enter the palace. I can't wait to see it.
"Enjoy it? I can tell you were itching to hit me for some time now."
"Sound like you're asking for another." I put my hands up to placate him slightly. It would be pointless to waste time here.
"I hope we can call ourselves somewhat even with this."
"Even? I still haven't forgotten about that time with the trap, you bastard."
"Setting that aside, when did you realise?"
A sigh that fell too easily out of his mouth greeted me as reply. "...You really are too much work... Only recently. I was still raging when I got home. But I remembered. Those last words on the beach were a clear reminder." There was still rage now. Just as predicted, so long as he channelled it properly there wouldn't be any issues.
Rage, anger, dissatisfaction. It had a remarkable way of spreading to your surroundings, almost against your wishes the people around you get burnt with that temper. Without delicate control he might start a fire that can't be put out... At that time I wonder how many victims will there be?
"Well, don't worry about it too much. You might be the villain at this moment, but soon enough that'll change. Though, I'll be remiss to see your role change. You suit it, oddly enough."
"Bite me." A colourful expression came from his face as a single finger pointed to the sky in my direction.
"We can talk more inside. I doubt I need to spell it out for you at this point but don't make careless contact with me for the time being."
"How would I even do that? If you aren't at school, you're at home. You damn hermit."
"How would you know what I've been doing in my spare time, are you stalking me perhaps?" I haven't felt any eyes on me whilst out and about, so the chances of that were incredibly low. More than likely Sakamoto was simply deducing my character, fairly accurately at that. I didn't act unless necessary. That was the type of person I was.
"Please. If I followed you around, you might mistakenly label me as a friend. I don't really want to give you that opportunity."
I looked once more over my shoulder. It was pretty sparse and secluded, but I couldn't risk being seen at this time especially with him.
"Let's get moving."
Darkness washed over my vision and the immediate surroundings to reveal that same strange space. It had been a week and some change since we were last here. Now, what sights would I see today? How would I change after entering this space once again?
...
Splinters of wood. Littered blades and armaments, empty armour. The faint scent of blood effervescing along the battlefield.
Better than I thought.
Nudging one of the nearby bushels. I grabbed the weapons hidden away, the sword in my hand and... the lance was missing? Not the end of the world, seeing as I didn't have the proper means to make use of it... But slightly worrying. Who's responsible?
I looked briefly at Sakamoto, who simply scoffed and turned away. I take it he didn't have anything to do with it.
...
I don't like this. The worries I held earlier seemed to be expounding rather quickly. I was hoping codenames were a completely unnecessary preventative measure, seems like they might become an absolute necessity soon enough...
That was the immediate thought that greeted me upon seeing the lowered drawbridge and battered entrance to the castle.
"What the hell?!" Sakamoto had already transformed into his usual skull-like ensemble. I pulled the long coat I was wearing a bit tighter, ensuring nothing had been misplaced. Paying special attention to the left internal pocket, affirming its placement and removing a mask from my pocket.
"Hmm. They've progressed a bit further than I would've thought." If the front is this bad, I wonder how much damage they had created inside?
"Why does it sound like you almost expected this to happen?" It's simple. Because I did. Ever since it was discovered that each and every student had a metaverse counterpart, the flag in the distance was another sign that this was a possibility. "And what the hell are you wearing?"
"What's the use of an alias if I'm not even covering my face?" He watched as I placed a small, shoddy plastic mask over my face, fortunately it didn't impede my sight or breathing too much.
"...Fair point."
That flag probably appeared in this place as soon as Principal Kobayakawa notified Kamoshida of my attendance at this school. Or perhaps at the moment we faced off in the volleyball match on my first day.
Either way... my presence threatened Kamoshida. Someone who operates off of survival of the fittest, it was no wonder that he would feel apprehension on the thought of his feeding grounds being trampled upon by an outsider.
"Rebellion. Or rather a rival kingdom has advanced."
"The hell are you talking about? Who the hell's the rival kingdom... is something like that even possible?"
Siege equipment stood listlessly at the castle gates. The large oaken reinforced doors were pried open with splinters littering the interior marbled floor. Guards lay on the floor, empty sacks of armour, the deathly smell of iron and rusted arms filled the great hall.
"Seriously, what the hell is going on?!" This went even better than I had planned, I wonder just how far they had managed to penetrate into the castle interior? Did they free the prisoners below to aid the fight, or had they immediately gone for the king? If this space takes only the owner's thoughts into account, then they converted the prisoners into a civil army. If not, then they immediately went for the king's head. Well, either is fine. Though freeing the prisoners would allow for more chaos, ergo that would be the better option.
"We'll worry about this later. For now, we're heading to the library."
"No! How about explaining something for once? I'm getting sick and tired of being yanked in every which direction on one of your whims!"
"Didn't I already tell you? If you want to know, then think. You've already proven you aren't incapable of it." Sakamoto could conjure the right answer. But as a free piece in this game, I didn't have the luxury or the responsibility to explain every little thing to him. I didn't need to explain the excruciating detail of the plans I had laid so far, because I might end up cutting them short in just an hour or so.
In the event that happens... well it'll be just that much more helpful to me if Sakamoto has no understanding of the situation...
"Wha-!"
Let's just hope that reality doesn't unfold.
"We're wasting daylight. Do you want to save them or not?" I walked ahead up the stairs, without awaiting his reply.
"We're here to collect information, there's probably no better place to check. This timing is unprecedented, we might even go without a fight this time." Sakamoto's hand tightened, the leather of his gloves making an audible crunch.
He needed an outlet. All I had to do was point in the direction.
"Aren't you curious?" I gently needled him.
"About what?" He spat out.
"This place is the equivalent of Kamoshida's mind."
"I know, you've repeated that so many times I'm getting sick of hearing it..."
"Then what do you think is written on the pages of each book inside?"
"Memories... Wait, no- Confessions! That's why you were so hung up on it last time..."
"Possibly." We couldn't use the books themselves as evidence, however, we could certainly follow up on leads that they might dredge up. The only problem was how to sift through such a large library in such little time. There should be some way to differentiate what is and isn't pertinent to the investigation.
I just needed to find a single thread that could lead to a different outcome, otherwise I would have to use my plan B. Which meant abandoning Sakamoto.
We entered a few rooms, bookshelves gracing them, but nothing of much importance, at least at first glance. Until finally we came across a large room with bookshelves embedded into the walls, study desks and even some small apparatus such as globes littering the floor.
The library.
I muttered whilst glancing at the bookshelves.
Strange.
What are these spaces for? Usually, spaces on a bookshelf would take place on the ends as the books are balanced to the other side, but there are strange deficits as if someone had recently borrowed those tomes. They aren't frequent. Three in total, spread amongst the different bookshelves.
One could argue that the metaverse residents use all the amenities of this world, as such they probably borrow books from the library. Perhaps the books collected could be memories that Kamoshida is reflecting on in real time... In which case, how could we find out their contents. Do we simply wait? Stake out the library until something changes?
Or does it serve a different purpose?
...
Shrink it down. Relate it to the school. Where are we?
Bathrooms. Changing rooms. Or somewhere nearby.
Or perhaps... his office.
An organised space, just for work. It would make sense to apply memories to such a space. But if most of these are involving crimes... Doesn't that paint another possibility?
How are these bookshelves organised? In the real world we would categorise by themes or genres and then organise into an alphabetical category. But what about for a library of just memories? Would it be past, present and future? Or perhaps; good, bad and mediocre memories?
I scanned each wall and the collection of innumerable books on each of them. One seemed to contain a bunch of names of male students. The opposite wall contained just female students names, likely where a lot of information could come from. And the final wall... just biographies of Kamoshida.
I rifled through one of the books on the female student wall, happening upon a peculiar title.
'Okumura Haru. The unpicked rose of Shujin.'
I flipped through the pages.
School identification, physical stats, measurements. The kind of thing that could easily be gathered from the school database, especially for a teacher responsible for physical education.
I progressed further.
It details first meetings, general thoughts that Kamoshida had about the students and eventually it reached what could only be called a play book. The same one might expect from a sports coach.
Methods of approach. Angles of entry. Anything to 'conquer' the target.
'The rose garden is truly well protected and nourished with the greatest level of fertilizer. To even attempt to snatch the budding flowers would result in a particularly thorny protrusion injuring the player. Target is unattainable. For now.' This must be referencing her connections. To even attempt this with a conglomerate's heir would be foolish.
I found another.
'Niijima Makoto. Chaste treasure of the council.'
"Target is isolated. Fancies herself as an authority on justice and respect. Her teammates are non-existent, and she has no good coach in her game as seen from her constant need for approval from others. Wants to follow in her family footsteps. Her sister is a bigwig that could bring damage if a single word or suspicion is raised. Above all, a different team may be scouting her... Can't step on Kobayakawa's feet, after all, there's no other reason to take an interest in her. Shaping her up to be student council president, he's moulding her as he pleases... Not a target worth pursuing for recruitment." He was... a good judge of character. Which made this more troublesome. Predators usually were, they could detect when someone was alone and find susceptible targets who could be isolated. His suspicions of Kobayakawa could be basic misjudgements, in Kamoshida's eyes there was no other reason to involve yourself with women...
A rare instance of perturbance attacked me. I scanned the wall again trying to find three other names...
One such book made its presence known. A name I wasn't expecting.
I thought only students were involved? How far Kamoshida's machinations and ego has developed whilst unchecked is dependent on my next move, it might be possible that other teachers are assisting or at least looking the other way for Kamoshida. That'll make things messier...
"Skull. Find your name on that bookshelf." I pointed to the opposite side.
"Don't go ordering me around. X." He snapped.
"Would you prefer I snooped around and found it? I always was curious just what your beef with Kamoshida is..."
"Tch..." He relented peering quickly around the bookshelf looking for any books that might involve him. I just didn't want him to see this... I snatched three books from the female side and stuffed them into my oversized pockets.
But worryingly enough, I couldn't find one name... No matter how hard I looked.
No caged bird. Or rabbits. Or any mention whatsoever of the elusive girl caught in the bird cage. No known aliases or pet names I might unscramble. Suzui Shiho did not exist in this library.
Why?
I glanced back to find Sakamoto quickly flipping through the pages of a book, he noticeably shifted as he saw my eyes rest on him. I'm guessing he has it in his hands now... At least it'll keep him preoccupied. Did he really think I couldn't see the other book in his hands? His intentions were so obvious, I almost felt bad for uncovering them.
Hopefully my history is interesting enough to read... I just hope there isn't a playbook for the male students as well. If so, I might be in a different type of danger altogether...
Not the time for jokes, Kiyotaka...
I wandered across to the desks, where a few books lay out. One in particular a large book with a beaten cover, dirty bronze lettering across the front, titling it; 'The slave collection'.
Is it that simple?
I wandered close to the walls, placing my ear against them and slowly creeping around the room, making a full revolution.
Can't hear much. And there doesn't seem to be a noticeable draught or smell. Nor were the seams particularly noticeable, but I was convinced... There's a false wall, some sort of mechanism we could activate. I looked at the rooms nearby and calculated the space in my mind. If it was any wall, it'd be this one. The one wall that didn't have a single book out of place.
The question is; what's the best way to proceed? Should we just try to break it down? If there necessitates a complicated mechanism just to hide it, the information contained within must be proportionately important, which could gather some attention. But looking for the books acting as keys, we might not find them...
Perhaps when he wasn't threatened it might've been easier, but I doubt the same could be said now.
I guess there was nothing to do but try.
"We need to find two specific books."
"What? I didn't come for a library field trip."
Ignoring his callous comments I held up the book I had in mind. "Similar to this one. My guess is they'll be called the 'Trophy collection' and 'Monarch collection.' Or something to that effect. The only issue is where we'll find them..."
"I'd just do the same thing as he did with the eye piece we needed." He huffed slightly, probably still grieving over the wounds he received during the last visit.
"That'd be the safest. Or even in his throne room." We would've been heading that way soon enough either way, so I guess nothing really changed.
But before that... perhaps I should gather a few more pieces. Never know when they might come in handy.
---
Word count: 4285
I was teasing this for a while, as early as the first chapter in the metaverse. The flag was a warning sign of this rebellion, something that Ayanokouji noticed. His presence as a foreign student in the system was bound to put Kamoshida on guard. That became even more apparent when he had nearly defeated Kamoshida one-on-one in volleyball.
Sakamoto has gained perspective and is fully committed to saving the students, whether Ayanokouji stands with or against him in the end. His depression kept him from raging in the metaverse until the day Ayanokouji returned to the scene. Sakamoto realised they would probably meet there again on the same day they had infiltrated the palace last time.
In the event Ayanokouji didn't show he would've done it all himself. Because of Ayanokouji's machinations he was curious about his plan.
Next chapter we get to see metaverse Ayanokouji, and a fight I've been putting off for a while now. Hopefully I do a decent job. Fights are hard, especially interesting ones.
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Hopefully you all enjoyed, Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
Until next time.