Medical Center.
Nighttime.
Ted, Matthew, and Lily had already rushed over after hearing the news.
"Eww!"
"That's so gross!"
"Get it away from me!"
They flipped through the stack of gonorrhea symptom pamphlets Adam had deliberately left in Barney's hospital room, and every single one of them felt their stomach turn.
"Barney, you okay?" Ted asked, his voice full of concern as he looked at Barney lying motionless on the bed, his eyes blank and unfocused.
Ever since Barney broke his leg and ended up in the hospital, then made that bet with Adam, he'd been pouring all his energy into this place. The old Barney Stinson—the one who'd show up at Ted's place every night yelling "Legendary!" and begging him to "suit up," only to get brushed off—had been gone for a while now. Ted had to admit, he missed him.
You don't appreciate what you have until it's gone, right?
Back then, Barney was always chasing Ted's approval, shamelessly trying to edge out Matthew as Ted's best friend. He was way too pushy about it, and Ted would half-heartedly go along, throwing in the occasional eye-roll or complaint. It was basically the classic "goddess and backup guy" dynamic flipped on its head.
Now, with "backup guy" Barney hitting a rough patch in his "love life" and sulking, "goddess" Ted figured it was time to step up a little. Time to throw Barney a bone, let him feel some warmth from the "goddess," and keep him happily in his backup role—no climbing any higher branches.
"I'm fine," Barney mumbled, his voice shaky.
"I'll go get Adam," Lily said, noticing Barney's off vibe. She turned and left the room to track him down.
"This is all Adam's fault!" Ted grumbled. "If he hadn't roped Barney into that stupid bet, Barney wouldn't have caught this… whatever it is, and he wouldn't be so wrecked right now."
"Let's not go that far," Matthew countered, sticking up for Adam. "I don't think Adam knew this would happen. He just wanted to teach Barney a lesson with the bet. I mean, last time Barney joined that Death Baby Car Race, two innocent bystanders—breadwinners for their families—ended up dead."
"Couldn't he have picked a different way to punish him?" Ted shot back. Desperate to save his backup guy, he refused to pin any blame on Barney, instead aiming all his frustration at Adam—the "rival" stealing his sidekick. "He's always making bets like this. It's too much."
"If not this, then what?" Adam's voice cut in from the doorway.
Ted glanced over, a little guilty.
Adam strolled in, decked out in a white lab coat, smirking faintly at Ted. "What else would actually stick with Barney and make him think twice? Go ahead, name something. Enlighten me."
"…"
Ted froze, at a loss for words.
Barney was a reckless mess—nothing seemed to faze him except this.
"Adam, this thing Barney's got—is he really okay?" Matthew asked, steering the conversation elsewhere.
"Well, it's fine… but also not fine," Adam said, his tone turning serious as he dropped the smirk.
"What?!" Lily gasped. "What do you mean, 'not fine'?"
"Barney got lucky this time," Adam said flatly. "It's just a single strain of syphilis, and since he's here at the hospital, we can treat it. But what if it'd been something worse? Full-blown gonorrhea, a mixed infection, or even HIV? You saw the pamphlets, right? You can picture how bad that gets."
Lily, Ted, and Matthew all shuddered as those pamphlet images flashed through their minds.
"No way it's that dramatic," Ted said, unable to resist pushing back. "What are the odds?"
"Dramatic? Bad luck?" Adam scoffed. "Barney's been hooking up every night for years, working his way through half of New York. You call that dramatic? Even if his luck held out at first, with that kind of volume, catching something was inevitable. You should be saying it's dramatic how lucky he's been to only get syphilis this late in the game. What, you really think Barney's the son of the luck goddess or something? Come on."
Without some main-character plot armor, Barney's lifestyle would've landed him gonorrhea—or AIDS—ages ago, no question.
Back in the day, Barney saw himself as some unbeatable supervillain, living it up without a care, totally untouchable. But then he ran into Adam, who—playing off the trope of medical staff getting screwed over in TV dramas—shattered Barney's villain halo. And bam, he got hit.
Ted didn't have a comeback for that.
New York's a city of excess, and Barney's one-night-stand habits lined up perfectly with the kind of crowd that's prone to picking up nasty stuff. They'd never really thought about it before, but now that Adam pointed it out? Yeah, it was terrifying to consider. Barney really had been dodging bullets like some blessed child of fortune.
"Ted, you should be on my side here," Adam said, clapping a hand on Ted's shoulder with a knowing grin. "With Barney's track record, whether you two were on the same page before or not, you're definitely in the same boat now. If Barney's got it, you could too. You want that?"
"No!" Ted yelped, practically jumping out of his skin in panic. "I mean, no way am I in the same boat as Barney. We've got the Bro Code!"
Noticing Adam's smirk after his outburst, Ted felt deeply offended and scrambled to explain.
"Wow, you still buy into Barney's Bro Code?" Adam said, shaking his head in mock amazement. "Okay, fine, let's say Barney sticks to it. But doesn't the Bro Code only cover current girlfriends and stuff? You two could still end up in the same mess. So, I'm thinking you should side with me. What do you say?"
"Ted, I think Adam's right," Lily chimed in first. "Barney can't keep playing around like this, or he's bound to catch something disgusting. This syphilis thing is a wake-up call."
"Yeah," Matthew agreed, nodding. "If you guys could just find your own Lily like I did and settle into a happy life, wouldn't that be better?"
Ted wavered. Lily and Matthew's engagement had already sparked some envy in him last time, pushing him to find his own "Lily." He wasn't exactly a fan of Barney's wild lifestyle either.
"So, what do we do?" Lily asked with a smile. After hanging out with Ted for so long and sharing so many firsts, she could read his thoughts with one look.
"Keep an eye on him," Adam said, grinning. "For the first three weeks, he'll need a solid dose of penicillin once a week. In theory, he'll be fine after that, but he'll need follow-ups at three months, six months, and then every six months for three years. For at least the first six months, he shouldn't be doing anything… unmentionable. You don't want him spreading it to someone else, right? So, you guys need to watch him closely."
Lily, Ted, and Matthew exchanged sympathetic glances at Barney but nodded in agreement. It was basic human decency—they couldn't say no.
"Barney, with all this going on, let's call off our bet," Adam said, turning to the still-dazed Barney. He plopped a crown on Barney's head. "You finished most of it in two weeks anyway, so you win. Here's the crown I owe you—I'm putting it on you. You're the best!"
He flashed two big thumbs-up.
"…"
Everyone stared, speechless. They couldn't shake the feeling that Adam was messing with Barney—again. And not for the first time…