At the medical center, in the VIP maternity ward...
"Alright, enough joking around," Adam said with a grin. "Ross, you're staying here tonight to keep us company—that's final. Don't even try to say no. If we can't convince you, we'll just have to call in Emma's grandpa. His scalpel's been itching for action!"
"..."
Ross clammed up instantly. He'd seen Leonard's temper firsthand—no arguing with that!
Just then, a nurse wheeled a pregnant woman past the door.
"O-M-G!" the woman exclaimed, spotting everyone's backs. She stopped dead, waving her hands wildly with that classic, ear-piercing shriek.
Everyone froze.
"OMG! No way, it can't be!" Chandler said, his face a mix of shock and dread.
"Please, don't let it be her!" Joey prayed under his breath.
The others' expressions were just as colorful—panic, disbelief, you name it.
"Hahahahaha…" A bizarre laugh echoed in, shattering their last shred of hope.
They turned around, and sure enough, there she was: Janice, Chandler's ex, sitting in a wheelchair, clapping her hands, grinning ear to ear, and letting out those oh-so-familiar cackles.
"Oh my God, it is her!" Chandler groaned, shaking his head hard.
"Chan-dler Bing!" Janice sang out, motioning the nurse to push her in. Her weird, nasal tone was as clingy as ever as she greeted her old flame.
"Janice," Chandler muttered with a forced smile.
"Not just Janice—pregnant Janice!" Joey wailed dramatically.
"OMG!" Ross chimed in, shuddering as he recalled a birthing video he'd seen. "Pregnant Janice in labor—no thanks!"
"Janice, please don't tell me you're in the room next door," Rachel said, her voice dripping with worry.
"That's up to the nurse," Janice replied, completely missing Rachel's tone and taking it as friendly chatter. The nurse nodded, and Janice beamed. "Oh, perfect! Yep, I am! Honestly, we should just room together—hahahahaha!"
"No thanks," Rachel said, smacking her forehead. "These walls are useless anyway."
She shot Adam a pitiful look, begging for help. He gave her a calm, "don't worry" glance in return.
"Janice, I didn't even know you were pregnant," Chandler said, rubbing his face to mask his dread. He walked over, forcing small talk. "So, which poor sap's essence did you snatch this time?" he added with a sarcastic jab.
Janice and Chandler went way back—on-and-off for years. Back then, Chandler was still a commitment-phobic mess, breaking her heart more times than anyone could count. Still, the gang always sided with him. Why? That laugh. That grating, random cackle drove them all up the wall.
They'd broken up and gotten back together so many times, it was almost fate. If Monica hadn't come along, who knows? They might've ended up together. Though, let's be real—slim chance. After Chandler's repeated heartbreak, Janice had married someone else, divorced fast, and turned into a serial dater. She'd even hooked up with Ross once, proudly declaring, "2/4!"
Yep, her conquest rate: Chandler, Ross, Joey, Adam—she'd nabbed two out of four. By that metric, Ross was out-Joey-ing Joey back in the day. All talk about hating her, but his actions? Very honest. Joey, though? He couldn't stand her and never gave her an inch—total consistency there.
"It's you!" Janice shot back, pointing at Chandler with a grin. She caught his sarcasm like a pro. "This kid's yours."
"What?!" Chandler's face went white. He spun around to Monica. "It's not me, I swear!"
"I kinda wish it was!" Monica said coolly, rolling her eyes.
Adam smirked knowingly. Ever since he'd tricked them into getting checked out, Chandler and Monica had been in full-on baby-making mode. Two months of reckless trying, and still nothing. Monica couldn't help but worry. Her quip was half-joking, half-wishful thinking—if Janice could pull it off, maybe she could too.
"What?!" Chandler's face twisted again.
"Hahahaha!" Janice, oblivious to the drama, pointed at him and cackled. "Look how freaked out he is! We haven't done the deed in years—hahahaha!"
"Ha! Hilarious," Chandler snapped sarcastically. "So, does labor hurt? Is it painful?!" He glared, practically wishing it on her.
"Nah, childbirth's a breeze for me," Janice said, waving it off. "I've got wide hips." She winked at Chandler, tilting her head coyly. "You remember, don't you, Chan-dler? Hehehe-hahaha!"
Adam nearly lost it—her face, her tone, her lines? Priceless!
Chandler and Monica's jaws dropped, speechless. Ross and Rachel looked pained. Joey just gave Chandler a sympathetic pat. Phoebe? She burst out laughing.
"Hahaha!" Janice kept going, thrilled. "We're so meant to be! Maybe we should betroth our kids in the womb—hahahaha!"
"Keep your legs closed so the baby doesn't hear that!" Ross whispered to Rachel, grimacing at Janice.
"What's that?" Adam teased. "Both babies yours, Ross?"
Whoosh! Everyone froze, then turned to Ross in unison. It made sense—Chandler was married, but Ross? The perpetual bachelor had the time and the motive to dodge this. Plus, both pregnant women had history with him.
"Not me!!!" Ross yelped, his face turning red as he unleashed his classic Ross roar.
"You sure?" Adam poked again. "Last time Rachel was pregnant, you were totally clueless it was yours too."
"..."
Ross went silent. Back then, he and Rachel were constantly together, old flames reigniting. A slip-up was inevitable. When Rachel got pregnant, he didn't even consider he was the dad at first—leading to that whole "who made the first move" fiasco. Good thing he'd recorded it, or Rachel would've held it over him forever.
Now, though, he wasn't so sure. He racked his brain, trying to recall if he'd been with Janice ten months ago. Problem was, he didn't have Adam's photographic memory. It was too long ago to pin down.
"Oh, come on!" Rachel snapped, seeing Ross's guilty look. "You'd rather pick Janice than help me out?"
"I didn't!" Ross protested, totally冤枉 (wronged), but he kept his voice low. He couldn't be sure this time.
"Hahahaha!" Janice cackled again, loving the chaos. "Relax, if it was yours, Ross, I wouldn't be talking about betrothing them!"
"Phew!" Ross wiped the sweat off his brow. "Thank you."
"Emma, please don't inherit my nose—or your dad's brain," Rachel sighed, rubbing her belly. "He can't tell a joke from the truth. How'd he even get into Columbia?"
Ross: "..."