Medical Center.
The group was chatting and laughing when—
Beep beep.
Beep beep.
Adam's pager went off on his hip.
"Keep talking, guys!" he said with a wave, then bolted toward the ER.
"Dr. Duncan!"
The sharpest nurse, Violet, flagged him down. "Room 6 has a wild case. Bet you've never seen anything like it!"
"Thanks, Violet!" Adam grinned, taking the chart she handed him. He glanced at it. "A woman with a foreign object stuck inside her? Uh… not what I'm thinking, right?"
"Hehe, yup!" Violet giggled. "But weirder than you'd guess!"
"Let's go check it out!" Adam perked up instantly.
Doctors, you know? Always gotta see, learn, and practice more. The weirder the case, the bigger the experience boost!
---
Room 6.
"Hiss…"
Adam pushed the door open, took one look, and sucked in a sharp breath.
Okay, yeah, he'd never seen this before. Couldn't have dreamed it up either.
In front of him were a man and woman, both in their fifties, staring each other down. The balding guy was stark naked on the bed. The woman? Straddling him, hands braced on either side. A nurse had already thrown a sheet over them for some decency.
"Ouch!"
"Don't move! It hurts more when you do!"
"Then stop pressing on my bad knee!"
"Sorry, I thought it was the left one!"
"Nineteen years of marriage, and you still don't know?!"
The two bickered nonstop.
"Looks like her husband's the 'foreign object,'" Adam said with a smirk to Violet.
"Ex-husband!" the plump woman and bald guy shouted in unison.
Emmm. Even juicier now!
"I'm Dr. Duncan," Adam introduced himself, stepping forward to lift a corner of the sheet for a peek. "Why'd you get a piercing down there?"
"Sanya!" the bald guy barked.
"What? You think they wouldn't figure it out? They're doctors!" the woman shot back.
"This is mortifying."
"This is mortifying? The real embarrassment is having dinner plans with my husband tonight while I'm stuck like this with my ex!"
The ex-couple started squabbling again.
"Doc, how long's this gonna take? I really don't want my husband finding out," the woman pleaded, looking at Adam. "Can't you guys work some magic here?"
"Magic? Maybe this is magic—God's way of telling your current husband you're a walking soap opera," Adam quipped silently to himself. Out loud, he kept it cool. "We need to figure out what's caught on that ring. Mr. Morse here's got a piercing. What about you?"
"Me?" The woman instinctively straightened up. "No way!"
"Argh!" The bald guy yelped in pain.
"Sorry!" She quickly hunched back down, apologizing to her ex before turning to Adam. "We're both in real estate—he is too. Divorced five years, but work keeps us in touch, so… sometimes we end up together. I'm such an idiot. So weak. Never again, I swear."
"Mm-hmm," Adam replied with a neutral smile.
Sure, lady. That's just a line to fool everyone—including yourself. Unless they never see each other again, it's always zero or a million times. Look at Ross and Rachel—hanging out all the time, trouble's bound to happen eventually!
"Do you have an IUD?" Adam asked.
"Yeah!" She blinked. "Wait, you mean…"
"We'll need an X-ray first," Adam said. "But if I'm right, your IUD probably slipped and snagged his piercing. You don't have a piercing or anything else that'd cause this, so that's my guess. Oh, and… you might wanna cancel that dinner with your husband. This'll take a while, and it's getting late."
"Damn it!" she cursed, irritated. "Why'd you even get that stupid piercing?!"
"Hey, you didn't mind it before!" the bald guy snapped back. "You said you liked it!"
Adam and Violet exchanged a knowing grin. Guy's pushing fifty and still playing like a reckless twenty-something—probably needed some "extra help" to keep up. Takes guts to go for a piercing like that, though! Not like those detachable anime exoskeletons—this was full-on Robocop territory, part of the body now. One wrong move? Infection city. Long term? Even peeing could get rerouted.
Not quite castration, but close enough to some awkward side effects—like needing cologne to mask the funk or kissing fertility goodbye. At his age, though? Probably not a big deal. Divorced, ex-wife on an IUD, kids likely in the picture already. Plus, spraying cologne daily's standard for most Westerners anyway.
"I did it for you!" the bald guy whined.
"Ugh, listen—stop doing anything for me," she sighed, softening a bit. "I'm with Tom now. I love Tom."
"…" Adam's mouth twitched. He tilted his head away to hide an unprofessional smirk.
Emmm. What a deep, touching love story—if you ignored the ridiculous scene in front of him. Her words alone? Passionate, convincing. You'd buy it. But seeing is believing, and this? Pure chaos. Maybe she's out there wrestling her ex for real estate listings while sweet-talking Tom on the phone about how much she loves him.
Emmm. Straight out of a San Fernando Valley script—art imitating life. Magical realism at its finest!
"I still can't believe you left me for that guy," the bald man grumbled, clearly feeling more like the victim. "What's he got that I don't?"
"He doesn't have a piercing," she jabbed. "And he doesn't need one!"
"You—ow!" He flinched from the verbal gut punch, jostling himself and yelping again.
"Okay, you two, stop moving," Adam cut in. "We need to get you to X-ray."
He wheeled them off, their bizarre setup drawing every eye in the hallway.
"OMG!"
Christina and the crew got wind of it and rushed over to gawk.
"Adam, I'll assist!" Christina volunteered eagerly.
"This is gyno territory," Liz chimed in. "You should consult a specialist—I'm in!"
"More hands, more help!" Meredith added, just as pumped.
"Fine by me," Adam said. He'd planned to just take Christina, but since Liz was offering—and he owed her a favor—he let them all tag along. He'd lead anyway; they'd just follow his orders.
---
X-ray Room.
"We were married 19 years, fighting every day—except when we were, uh, busy," the woman said softly, glancing at her ex, who was wincing and looking away.
"That wasn't real," he muttered, voice heavy. "I still love you."
"Okay, I'm officially in hell," she groaned, rolling her eyes, done with his umpteenth confession.
"Guys, hold still so we can get a clear shot," Adam reminded them.
"Mom? Dad?!"
A young girl burst in, eyes widening at the absurd scene. Her voice dripped with fury.
"Okay, now it's hell," the woman muttered, closing her eyes in defeat.
Just as Adam and the team braced for an explosion, the girl turned sideways—averting her gaze from her ridiculous parents—and let loose.
"How could you do this?! My eyes are burning! You're paying for my therapy, my rent, and my new car!"
Everyone: "…"