Outside, two dogs were playing and wrestling, Akamaru's miserable yelps echoing incessantly.
Inside, our Hokage's first 5D Virtual VR Pornography Appraiser, Jiraiya, abruptly opened his eyes.
The green crystal fell from his forehead.
Inside the crystal, Idu, having failed to invade yet again, secretly vowed that next time he wouldn't use Genjutsu.
I meant for you to fall under Genjutsu, not for you to visit brothels!
Reaching out to wipe his face, Jiraiya mumbled, "Where did these bugs come from…"
He looked up, saw someone in the room, wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth, and instantly adopted the expression of a venerable elder: "Oh? It's you three."
Kurenai, Hinata, Kiba: "…"
Could even Jiraiya-sensei not notice, being momentarily off guard?
After a brief chat, Hinata asked, "Jiraiya-sama, weren't you with Naruto-kun?"
"Oh, that kid, he ran off with that fellow named Gaara," Jiraiya said.
From Jiraiya's perspective, he truly had run off. After dumping a few pets and the crystal on him, Naruto had excitedly followed someone else away. If that wasn't running off, what was it?
He couldn't help but glance sympathetically at Hinata.
Such a pretty young girl, yet her boyfriend either thinks about men or runs off with men.
"Ran off?"
"No, I mean he went to join in on the fun."
"Oh, well, goodbye then, Jiraiya-sensei."
"Jiraiya-sama, I've already performed external deworming on these two cats. However, in the future, you should be careful not to let them approach other animals, and if you ask why—"
Jiraiya was startled: "When were you here?!"
"I came in before them."
He was the first to enter. Upon sensing small bugs on the cats, he casually leaned against the wall, held the cats, and performed deworming. Although Naruto regularly bathed them, they came into contact with many things in the wild, so they were bound to pick up something.
"They've all left, you should hurry and follow them!"
"Then goodbye, Jiraiya-sensei, and if you ask why—"
Before he could finish, Kiba came back and grabbed him. "You're the only one left! What are you dawdling for?"
With everyone gone, Jiraiya scratched his head, holding the green crystal. "This guy… what's his trick?"
"By the way, who was that again?"
————
Meanwhile, Gaara and his two companions escorted three captives to Naruto's location. The other werewolf Kankuro fought had been poisoned to death by him.
He'd been under a lot of stress these past two days, in a bad mood, so he'd increased the dosage.
"You think you've already won?" Haido said haltingly.
"???"
"&@~" Haido suddenly spoke a string of words no one could understand.
"Clang… clang…"
After a series of strange clangs, the room became encased in thick steel plates. Simultaneously, a 'beep, beep, beep' sound emanated from the communication port.
Naruto was familiar with this sound; it was always the sound of a bomb countdown in movies.
"Let's all be buried together!!" His illusions shattered, Haido descended into madness.
Honestly, you people. Every single one of you learns from Deidara: if you can't win, just self-destruct. What good can come from learning from him?
"How long is your bomb's countdown?" Naruto asked calmly.
"Uh, how did you know?"
"Because I can smell the impending explosion."
Naruto simultaneously opened a portal next to himself and another next to his clone holding the ferret, saying, "Never mind how long it is, I'm leaving first."
Stepping into the portal, he looked back and asked, "Are you coming?"
Temari, who had roughly understood the conversation, waved her hand. "We have our own methods."
Gaara raised his sand, squeezing it through a gap in the steel plates to create an opening, and said, "See you by the sea."
"Mm."
Fearing Haido might deceive him, Naruto left a clone in the room to watch him.
Inside the room, the clone took dye and cloth, writing on the wall.
Uzumaki Moye, buried here!
After writing, he spread a carpet, took out a table, placed two teacups on it, and asked, "Join me?"
Haido: "…"
Moye picked up a teacup and calmly took a sip.
"Don't make that face. Since ancient times, who has escaped death? Look on the bright side, at least you have me to die with you."
With an air of nonchalance, serenely facing death.
What should have been a dramatic explosion site was stubbornly transformed by him into a scene reminiscent of an ancient literary master, pleading for the common people, unjustly imprisoned, facing execution orders with utter fearlessness and detachment.
Haido was only unable to move; if he could, he would definitely have beaten him to death.
————
Naruto and the others stood on the shore. On the ground lay the tightly bound Bat, along with the Lightning Woman and Timus, whom Gaara had fought.
"Naruto!!" Kiba, following the scent, was the first to shout.
"Naruto-kun!" Hinata also called out his name.
Naruto was overjoyed. He was just fretting about having no one to watch the boring fireworks with when his wife arrived.
He grabbed Hinata's small hand. "Hinata, come, watch the fireworks."
"???"
With his other hand, she reached past the ferret and touched Naruto's face. "Naruto-kun, you've gotten fairer."
"Yeah, I shed a layer of skin yesterday."
His slightly tanned skin had been burned away by the Nine-Tails Chakra in his Four-Tails state, and the new layer that grew in was fair and tender.
A true pretty boy.
"Being so fair, I'm not used to seeing you like this," Hinata said, squeezing Naruto's hand.
"I'll get it tanned tomorrow," Naruto replied.
A pretty boy's appearance changes according to a rich woman's preferences.
"Light yellow, four black paws, a black tail tip, a black pattern on its head with a diamond mark – this should be the ferret we're looking for, and if you ask why—"
"Boom!"
Haido's ship exploded, like a giant firework.
"Squeak squeak squeak…" The ferret, startled, spun around on Naruto's shoulder.
After the explosion, once everything had settled down.
"Who was talking just now?" Naruto asked, soothing the ferret.
"It was me…"
Kiba pushed him aside and pointed at the ferret on Naruto's shoulder. "Naruto, that one on your shoulder is our mission objective."
"Huh? It's your mission objective?"
"Is that right, Hinata?"
"Yes, the mission we received is…" Hinata explained.
This… I'm already out of Konoha, and Tsunade, that old… maiden, can still trick me?
If I had known, I would have just sent this coal digger straight to the Land of Snow so you couldn't find it.
This ferret indeed looks like a coal digger, the kind that drags its tail and digs with a coal mine on its head.
If it were anyone else's mission, Naruto would have run off without a second thought, but Hinata's mission…
Grabbing the ferret that, startled, was about to pick a fight with Akamaru, Naruto said, "Kurenai-sensei, how about this, I…"
Hinata: "Kurenai-sensei, let's abandon the mission, I…"
In unison, perfectly synchronized.
Hinata saw that Naruto liked the ferret, so she wanted to abandon the mission.
Both were considering the other.
Kurenai smiled without speaking.
"Do it my way," the pretty boy said toughly.
"Mhm," the rich woman nodded, like a devoted little wife.
"I picked up this ferret from that person. How about this: you let Akamaru follow my clone to find your mission client, and I'll go get him. Then we can discuss the ferret's ownership among all three parties," Naruto said, pointing at Timus.
Naruto knew Hinata's mission clients were the nomadic survivors from the country that developed the mine, and Timus was a royal descendant, considered their king. In the world of Hokage, where bloodlines reign supreme, Timus was far more important than the ferret. As long as those survivors recognized Timus, everything else would be easily resolved.
You sent out a mission to find a ferret and got a king back. You've struck gold, haven't you?
If you're still not sure the mission is complete, believe me, I'll beat Timus until he changes his name to 'Ferret'?!
"What? Is this 'white prostituting'?"
"How could that be? Am I, Uzumaki Naruto, that kind of person?"
"I didn't even pay, so how can it count as 'prostituting'?"
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