A.N. This is Naruto who has amnesia. He has lived away from humans for centuries. This is an old story that I wrote because I was reading Vegan Dragon. However, unlike the Vegan Dragon Naruto does have powers.
Chapter 3: "Apparently I'm a Historical Monument"
Naruto Uzumaki had eaten wild mushrooms for breakfast, escaped death by spider ambush, and adopted a fanatical monster girl in the span of three days.
Naturally, his next move was to apply for a government job.
He trudged through the streets of City Z, trying not to crush anything important—like benches, flowerpots, or people. Konan (a.k.a. Super S, a.k.a. his possibly-deranged travel companion) bounced cheerfully beside him, eyes practically sparkling like a rom-com protagonist walking through a garden of corpses.
The Hero Association building looked... important. The kind of modern, slightly-pretentious structure that screamed, "Yes, we do paperwork in triplicate!"
Naruto approached it with all the confidence of a guy who'd never filed taxes but had once wrestled a bear for carrots.
The front was surrounded by huge concrete statues, all glorifying famous heroes—bold poses, determined faces, dramatically rippling capes. One statue stood out: a young man in a cloak, holding a staff that screamed mythical power.
Naruto paused.
The statue looked weirdly familiar. The hair. The robes. The confident scowl that said, "I'll protect the world, but I'm late for dinner."
"Hey," Naruto said, pointing up. "Who's the guy with the stick? Looks like he knows things."
Konan blinked. Then blinked again. Her expression was halfway between surprise and celestial awe.
"Uzumaki-sama…" she said slowly, "That's you."
Naruto did a double take so hard his neck cracked.
"What?! No. That guy's like… cool. And small. And he doesn't look like he has panic attacks over monster spiders."
"It's one of your two forms," Konan explained like she was revealing the plot twist of a soap opera. "You have a legendary small form known to humans. And your… current form, known to monsters."
Naruto scratched his head.
"Wait. So people think I can shape-shift?"
She nodded earnestly. "Of course! That's the only explanation for your two appearances. Your small form is revered by humans. Your large, terrifying one—" she gestured lovingly at him "—is feared by monsters. It's common knowledge."
Naruto stared up at the statue.
Same hair.
Same eyes.
Same fashion sense, if you ignored the lack of farming overalls.
"Well, shoot," he muttered. "I'm a historical monument and didn't even know it."
What Naruto didn't know was that the only reason monsters remembered him as a 4-meter-tall walking apocalypse was because they'd all exaggerated it over the years. His legend had become folklore, his strength immortallike, and his size… well, apparently "tree-sized demon man" sounded better than "anxious farmer with scary eyes."
The two finally stepped into the Hero Association branch.
The Hero Association's front lobby had seen some weird stuff over the years—mutants with crab claws, sentient puddles, a guy who claimed to be powered by the moon—but nothing quite like the walking thundercloud that had just walked in and politely asked to register as a hero.
He was 4 meters tall.
Muscles like steel boulders stacked on more steel boulders.
Eyes redder than a rage-fueled tomato.
And, of course, the scariest part: he smiled kindly.
The poor receptionist stared up at him like he was seeing a immortal—or a particularly polite kaiju.
"Y-Yes, how can I help you, sir?" the staff member asked, his voice doing a little tap dance between panic and professionalism.
"I want to register as a hero," Naruto said, his voice deep and strangely soothing, like a bear trying to gently explain your tent is on fire.
The receptionist blinked. "Sir... are you sure you're not here to destroy the place?"
Naruto gave a thumbs up. "Nope! Just want to punch things legally and get paid for it."
Konan leaned across the desk with a dreamy smile. "He is Lord Uzumaki. You're in the presence of a divine warrior. Treat him with proper reverence."
The receptionist slowly slid the emergency alarm button back under the desk.
"O-Of course, sir," the receptionist said, clicking on his screen with trembling fingers. "P-Please enter that corridor, and a staff member will guide you to the evaluation floor."
"Thank you, little one," Naruto said with a smile that could have been either friendly or a prelude to eating the guy.
The man nodded and kept his head bowed like he was trying to avoid being cursed.
As Naruto turned and ducked into the corridor—his head still scraped the ceiling—the receptionist exhaled the breath he'd been holding since the man entered.
'Humans are turning into monsters these days,' he thought with a sigh. 'I should really ask for a vacation. Maybe go to the countryside. Grow tomatoes. Become a baker. Anything but this.'
Konan followed behind Naruto like a smug little shadow in love, waving cutely at the receptionist, who waved back with the same energy one uses when saying goodbye to a ghost.
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Ten Minutes Later...
Naruto stood in the exam room, filling out a form that asked all sorts of weird things like:"Are you currently a monster?"
"Can you fly unaided?"
"Do you explode under emotional pressure?"
To all of which Naruto answered honestly: no, no, and... not yet, but close.
Outside, one of the evaluators peeked in.
"He's massive," whispered one. "Think he's an A-Class?"
Another one shook their head. "He's probably a prank gone wrong. We'll make him do the test."
"Physical or written?"
They all shivered. No one wanted to clean up the remains of a desk if that guy tried to hold a pencil.
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Meanwhile, in the Corridor of Doom and Fluorescent Lighting…
Naruto stepped into the registration wing, which looked like someone had taken a government building, stripped it of all joy, and filled it with clipboards and nervous staff in matching uniforms.
A junior employee with a name tag that read "Kenji (Intern)" stood at the entrance, holding a clipboard half his size. His soul visibly left his body when he saw Naruto approach.
"H-Hello, sir. I'll be guiding you through the registration process!" Kenji bowed, then flinched like Naruto might smack him with a tree.
Naruto looked down at the nervous young man and gave what he thought was a reassuring smile. It probably looked more like a shark trying not to drool.
"No need to be afraid," Naruto said kindly. "I'm just here for the exam. Don't worry—I don't eat humans."
Kenji nodded rapidly, clearly not reassured.
"Th-that's great to hear, sir. Please follow me."
Behind them, Konan glided like a proud noble, hands clasped like she was escorting a king.
Kenji led Naruto to a small waiting room, where the chair looked like it had never expected to hold a literal mountain.
"Please have a seat," Kenji said.
Naruto sat.
The chair didn't survive.
With a CRACK, it surrendered to gravity and shattered into heroic splinters.
Naruto looked at the wreckage and shrugged. "Happens a lot."
Konan looked at it like it had offended her lord's honor. "That chair was not worthy of you."
Kenji cleared his throat nervously. "W-we'll skip the seating, then."
In the Security Booth Upstairs…
A couple of Hero Association monitors were watching the footage.
"Do we know who that guy is?" one of them whispered, zooming in on Naruto's massive frame.
"He looks like a villain straight out of a prophecy," said another. "Except he thanked the receptionist."
"You think he's dangerous?"
The third one looked at his notepad. "He signed in as... Naruto Uzumaki."
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In the Hero Association Recruitment Office, things were usually pretty chill.
Sure, you got the occasional mutant bear-man or part-time villain trying to sneak in, but generally speaking, it was a lot of forms, physical exams, and arguing over who broke the squat machine last week.
That all changed when one name hit the system.
Applicant Name: Naruto Uzumaki
For a second, no one noticed. The staff on duty were mid-coffee break, arguing about whether Drive Knight or Metal Bat had better hair (it was obviously Metal Bat). But then the name blinked across their master registry—a protocol reserved for only the most legendary figures.
A red warning box popped up:
⚠️ POSSIBLE IMMORTAL SAGE DETECTED
Status: Unknown
Last Seen: 300 Years Ago
Risk Level: "Are you actually trying to wake him up?"
Action: Monitor discreetly. Do not engage without authority clearance.
"Uzumaki Naruto?" one of the registration supervisors, a tired-looking woman named Misaki, muttered as she stared at the screen. "That can't be the Naruto. Must be a fanboy. Or a cultist."
"Right?" her partner, Junpei, said while sipping his lukewarm tea. "There are like a thousand kids named 'Naruto' these days. It's like naming your kid 'Zeus' and hoping they'll get lightning powers."
Misaki glanced at the footage of the applicant.
A 4-meter-tall mountain of muscle, gentle as a golden retriever but radiating pure aura. The kind of pressure that made the temperature drop three degrees and the coffee machine jam in fear.
"Still… the resemblance is weird," she said, biting her lip. "Red eyes. That aura. Spiky hair. That voice."
Junpei leaned closer. "You don't think…?"
"No one's seen the Sage in 300 years," Misaki replied. "Since the day humanity turned the tide against the monsters, he vanished. No trace. No farewell. Poof. Gone like a ghost in the wind."
The Hero Association had searched far and wide. They sent drones, satellites, even a guy named Barry who swore he could commune with the stars. Nothing. Not a whisper. Not a footprint.
Most believed he had died in some world-ending battle, one last stand to keep Earth breathing.
Others believed he had simply gone home.
After all, Naruto Uzumaki was not of this world. His power, his presence, his very existence was always one step outside reality.
He was a myth now.
A bedtime story that kids barely believed in.
But still…
Misaki hit the Monitor button.
"Keep an eye on him. If that's the real Sage… the higher-ups will want to know."
Junpei nodded, his voice suddenly reverent.
"Do you think he'd even talk to us?"
"Let's just hope he doesn't step on anyone before we find out."
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Meanwhile, Back in the Exam Hall…
Naruto had no clue any of this was happening.
He was staring at the broken chair he'd just sat on, trying to piece together whether he owed someone money for it.
Konan, meanwhile, was happily arranging brochures on a table. She'd made them herself, with glitter and everything. They read:
✨ "Follow the Way of Lord Uzumaki: Savior of Worlds, Eater of Monsters, Farmer of Destiny" ✨
Naruto scratched his head. "Is… this really necessary?"
"It is your destiny," Konan whispered with glassy eyes.
Naruto sighed. "I just want a job, Konan. A paycheck. Maybe a bed."
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When Naruto entered the training hall of the Hero Association, he wasn't expecting to cause a mass evacuation. But he really should have at this point.
Aspiring heroes—men and women in track suits, compression armor, and varying levels of confidence—looked up from their warmups, caught a glimpse of the four-meter-tall mountain of man, and collectively decided their dreams could wait.
"NOPE," one yelled, diving out a window.
"Tell my cat I love her!" cried another as he fled through a locker room.
Naruto blinked. "Did I do something wrong?"
Konan, trailing behind like a very loyal, very murderous puppy, gave him a dreamy look. "You merely exist, Uzumaki-sama. That is terrifying enough."
At the front of the now mostly-empty hall sat two Hero Association exam staffers, both wearing the expression of people who'd seen enough weirdness today to qualify for early retirement.
The female examiner—tall, sharp-eyed, and clearly the boss here—gave Naruto a quick once-over and nodded. "You look strong. Probably another A-ranker in the making."
Her assistant, a guy named Taku with thick glasses and a latte addiction, tapped on his tablet. "Name and purpose?"
"Naruto Uzumaki," he said politely. "I have a strong body, and I want to fight monsters."
There was a beat of silence.
Taku gave a disappointed sigh like he'd just been handed a blank essay. "Okay… basic answer. Let's move to the test phase and see if the muscles actually mean anything."
Before Naruto could agree, Konan descended like a dramatic immortaldess of wrath, her high heels clicking like thunder against the floor.
"Hold your tongue, you insects!" she snarled, her voice echoing. "Uzumaki-sama is a divine being. Your foolish tests are an insult to his name. S-rank? Pah! The entire class is a nest of maggots compared to him. Assign him an ultimate ranking, or I will personally rip the spine from this building."
The staff stared at her.
Taku blinked.
"…Who are you?"
"I am part of Uzumaki-sama," Konan said with all the casual fanatical energy of someone declaring war at brunch. "His eternal slave."
The female examiner raised a brow.
'Okay,' she thought. 'They're into SM. Kinky.'
Out loud, she said, "Great! Let's test that out. See that machine?" She pointed to a hulking unit of reinforced alloy and high-density monster-grade plating. "Hit it. It can take 200 tonnes of force."
Konan scoffed. "Pathetic."
With all the delicacy of swatting a mosquito, she lightly tapped the machine with her fist.
It screamed like it had regrets about existing, tore through the wall, and flew out of the building, taking a vending machine and part of a stairwell with it.
Taku stared at the hole.
The female examiner stared at the hole.
Naruto stared at the hole and quietly questioned every life choice that led to him giving Konan a piggyback ride earlier.
'I was carrying that. That thing. That walking natural disaster. If she'd hugged me a little harder I would've turned into dust biscuits.'
"Uhhh…" Taku stammered. "Y-yeah. That's… that's enough strength."
"More than enough," the woman agreed, not blinking.
"But we can't assign S-rank unless she fights an actual S-rank hero."
"What if I beat one?" Konan asked sweetly, holding up her whip, which was starting to glow with spikes and latent trauma.
The staff, suddenly very aware of their mortality, nodded quickly.
"That could work!" they chorused, ducking behind their table.
Konan turned to Naruto with stars in her eyes. "Uzumaki-sama, shall we go hunting?"
Naruto smiled awkwardly like someone about to walk into a live blender. "I… suppose we shall…"
Then—
A gust of hot air.
A thundering impact.
A figure landed through the hole in the wall (the Konan-shaped hole, to be exact).
"Is everything alright?" the newcomer asked, standing amid the dust like a platinum-haired action figure.
Genos. S-rank. Cyborg of Vengeance. Probably had enough firepower in his left pinky to level a stadium.
Konan's eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning and someone had wrapped up a new chew toy for her.
"Well, well," she purred. "Looks like we found today's volunteer."