Dunn's acceptance speech was just a little side note—the ceremony marched on.
Sharon Stone and John Travolta hit the stage to hand out Best Foreign Language Film to Bosnia's No Man's Land.
Barbra Streisand stepped up as a guest presenter, awarding Lifetime Achievement Oscars to veteran filmmakers Sidney Poitier and Robert Redford.
With those awards in the books, it signaled the Oscars were winding down—and heading into the grand finale!
The four biggest prizes were about to drop: Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Director, and Best Picture.
The hosts and presenters had been laying it on thick all night, building up this vibe of unity and political correctness. Even the usual quips and one-liners were dialed back to keep the mood just right.
Seasoned industry folks could already see where this was going.
Take Sidney Poitier—based on his film creds and Hollywood clout, did he really deserve a Lifetime Achievement Oscar?
The real reason? He's Black!
He was the first Black Best Actor winner in Oscar history!
And, funny enough, this year's Best Actor lineup had a Black contender too.
Who knows? Maybe tonight we'd see the second Black Best Actor in Oscar history.
As for Best Actress, Halle Berry's buzz was pretty low. Her acting chops didn't quite stack up against the other nominees. If the Oscars forced the award her way just for political correctness, it'd stir up a storm.
Best Director contenders: Dunn Walker for A Beautiful Mind, Robert Altman for Gosford Park, James Cameron for The Unsinkable, Peter Jackson for The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, and David Lynch for Mulholland Drive.
David Lynch? Out first—Mulholland Drive was too raw.
Peter Jackson? Second to go—Fellowship was just part one of a trilogy.
Dunn? Too young. Cameron's The Unsinkable? Too commercial.
That left Robert Altman. He'd snagged Best Director at the Golden Globes this year—probably the frontrunner for the Oscar too!
Best Picture? No contest—A Beautiful Mind!
Of course, it's all speculation until the envelopes open.
Last year's Best Actor, Russell Crowe, strolled up with a big envelope in hand, grinning. "Over the past year, we've seen so many incredible actresses deliver standout performances. The Oscars gave us an authoritative shortlist—these women brought their A-game! They are—"
The giant screen behind him flickered, flashing names as he read them off: "Halle Berry, Renée Zellweger, Sissy Spacek, Judi Dench, and, of course, the amazing Natalie Portman."
Dunn cracked a small smile. Russell Crowe's words were subtle but pointed—he was throwing his support behind Natalie's talent amid all the Dunn-Golden Globes drama.
He even flat-out said the Oscar nominations were the fair, legit ones.
"Don't be nervous," Dunn said, squeezing Natalie's hand. It was a little cold.
Natalie pouted. "I'm just ticked off!"
Dunn laughed. "What are you even saying? They haven't announced it yet—how do you know it's not you?"
"You think I'm dumb? Any idiot can see I've got no shot," she huffed, rolling her eyes.
Dunn held her hand tighter, his gaze steady. "What's theirs, we can take. What's ours? No one's touching it!"
"Huh?"
Natalie's big eyes widened. Something about Dunn's tone felt off—like he was hinting at something.
Up on stage, Russell Crowe tore open the envelope, and his face bloomed into this ridiculous, flower-like grin.
Seriously, like a freaking peony in full bloom!
Totally at odds with his tough-guy Gladiator vibe!
It threw people off.
It made heads turn.
But that creepy, over-the-top smile? It made the whole room freeze for a second.
Everyone felt it—something big was coming!
No Aussie actresses were in the running.
So if Russell Crowe was this giddy, there could only be one reason!
Natalie, sitting next to Dunn, was practically bouncing out of her seat.
She was sharp—she could read Russell's face like a book.
And sure enough, Russell Crowe dropped a bombshell that rocked the place: "The winner for Best Actress is… Natalie Portman, Juno!"
Boom!
The room exploded!
If Dunn's speech 20 minutes ago had surprised people, Russell's announcement felt like a jolt back to the Middle Ages—pure shock!
Best Actress… Natalie Portman?!
Good Lord!
This was huge!
Everyone except the The Unsinkable, A Beautiful Mind, Juno, and Monsters, Inc. crews—who were up clapping—looked like they'd seen a ghost, frozen in stunned silence.
How did this happen?
A chill ran up everyone's spines. Behind the shocked faces was a wave of dread.
The unthinkable had actually gone down!
Before this, the youngest Best Actress winner was Marlee Matlin for Children of a Lesser God. She was deaf, played herself basically, and won at 21 and a half.
Natalie Portman? She's got over two months until she turns 21!
She'd be the youngest Best Actress in Oscar history!
It's not that people were against Natalie winning—her performance in Juno was killer.
But…
Her situation right now was tricky. She shouldn't win!
She didn't even get a Golden Globe nod, yet here she was, taking the Oscar crown.
Wasn't this basically the Oscars shouting to the world: "We're backing Natalie! We're cheering her talent! We're calling out the Golden Globes' shady nonsense!"?
Dunn's fight with the Golden Globes, with the Oscars jumping in, was about to steamroll everything!
Everyone in Hollywood knew Kirk Douglas had been pulling strings behind the scenes to block Natalie's win.
With this year's Oscars leaning hard into political correctness, logic said they'd suppress something as bold and feminist as Juno.
Yet, despite all those headwinds, Dunn had shoved Natalie onto the Best Actress throne!
How terrifying was his pull?
He's only 24, and he's already wielding this kind of insane influence. Where's his limit? Or… does he even have one?
The room stayed dead quiet for seven or eight seconds before the applause finally kicked in, slow and hesitant at first.
Natalie was dazed, staring at Dunn. "I… I won?"
"Dork."
Dunn gave her a quick kiss and hug, then grabbed her hand and raised it high. They stood there, regal and poised, like a king and queen soaking in their subjects' awe.
The Juno crew rushed over, high-fiving Natalie. The A Beautiful Mind team was just as hyped.
Made sense—both crews were family, after all.
Nicole Kidman walked up and gave Natalie a gentle hug. "You deserve this—you're incredible!"
"Thanks."
"Congrats, you're amazing."
"Thanks."
"Congratulations!"
"Thanks."
…
Kirk Douglas had gotten the inside scoop from Oscar folks—tonight's awards were all about riding the national wave, sticking to the mainstream vibe.
After Sidney Poitier, a Black man, nabbed the Lifetime Achievement Award, Kirk was even more confident.
The first Black Lifetime Achievement winner in history? The first Black Best Actress couldn't be far behind, right?
Halle Berry's acting might be so-so, but she's Black—that's her golden ticket!
Kirk leaned back on his sofa, eyes closed, smug as can be.
The ceremony dragged on too long for his old bones—he couldn't keep up.
Dozing off mid-recline, he didn't snap out of it until a burst of wild applause blared from the TV, followed by the ABC host's shrill shriek.
"They announced it?"
Kirk smirked, full of himself.
To him, the ABC host's excited yell was all about shock.
Shock over what?
Obviously Halle Berry, a Black actress, winning!
That'd break an Oscar record.
"Natalie! Yes, it's Juno's leading lady, Natalie Portman! She's the Best Actress of the 74th Academy Awards! She's shattered the age record for Best Actress—she's the youngest in Oscar history! She's 77 days shy of 21, and she's still in college!"
"Last year, Natalie Portman took home Best Supporting Actress for The Virgin Suicides. One year later, she's back with a vengeance, delivering a jaw-dropping performance in Juno!"
"No doubt about it, she's the face of the '80s-born actors! Following Kate Winslet, Dunn's struck gold again with another Oscar-winning actress—yep, Natalie Portman!"
Watching the Oscars on TV versus being there live? The big difference is the host breaking it all down.
But this host's spiel sent Kirk Douglas shooting up from his sofa, eyes glued to the screen, face white as a sheet.
ABC's broadcast kept the camera locked on Natalie, streaming her slow walk to the stage.
Kirk was dumbfounded—completely floored!
He got it now—no mistake!
This year's Best Actress was actually Natalie Portman!
"H-How… how could this… happen?"
Kirk couldn't wrap his head around it. The Oscars had broken a record, alright—not a Black Best Actress record, but the youngest Best Actress ever!
He'd sworn up and down to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association that Natalie had no shot.
Now? It felt like his face had been slapped a dozen times—hot, stinging, and shaking him to his core!
"Argh!"
Kirk clutched his chest in agony, toppled backward, and collapsed onto the sofa…
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