Chapter 356: Penacony Arc 『 Part Fifty-one 』, Masquerade Duet Part 2
「 "Receiving such a direct provocation… it seems even I have been stirred to a bit of competitiveness." Black Swan offered a faint smile.
"Madam, have mercy! I swear I know nothing about what she's saying—you've already sifted through my memories yourself." Sampo's tone softened as he pleaded repeatedly.
"We're just friends; I was only doing her a favor by delivering a letter. How was I to know this wasn't a message, but a declaration of war? They say one shouldn't strike the messenger when two armies clash… Please, let me go. You're playing for stakes far too high for me to afford…"
Black Swan nodded with satisfaction. "Such a look of genuine terror. Rest easy; since this matter has nothing to do with you, I won't make things difficult. Just consider this a stroll with me."
With things having reached this point, Sampo had no choice but to agree. From the members of the Bloodhound Family, the two learned that the victim was a corporate staff member named Shamari.
He had been suddenly assaulted on the street by a massive, hulking brute and bludgeoned to death with a hammer. Furthermore, two members of the Dreamjolt Troupe were left at the scene, seemingly stolen from elsewhere.
Black Swan approached the TV-headed member of the troupe to inquire about the situation. The fellow claimed to be a 'Constable,' while the gorilla beside him was the 'Deputy' assisting with the case.
The moment the Deputy laid eyes on Sampo, he spoke in a strangely mocking tone: "Yo, Old Man Sampo, how'd you end up a turncoat?"
"It actually spoke! Miss Black Swan, they really are here for you—"
The Constable suddenly emitted Sparkle's chirpy, youthful voice: "Don't interrupt. I wasn't talking to you. Ahem…" She cleared her throat and shifted into a different vocal register. "I have heard that the great Lady Black Swan possesses transcendent wisdom. I'm sure you'll be able to get to the bottom of the Sparkle murder case!"
Black Swan narrowed her eyes. "The Sparkle Murder case? Wasn't the victim Shamari from the Interastral Peace Corporation?"
"You're wrong, Lady Black Swan. The victim is evidently none other than the matriarch of the Goldhammer Family: Miss Sparkle Goldhammer!" 」
「 ..... 」
〜Monogatari World〜
Koyomi Araragi sat cross-legged on his bed, watching these two Dreamjolt Troupe members on the screen emitting Sparkle's voice. To call this a rigorous detective mystery… was practically a supreme insult to the very concept of 'deduction.'
"This girl is basically just a brat who loves pranks,"
Araragi sighed.
"She's holding the safety of every bystander in Penacony hostage just to force this Memokeeper lady into her detective game."
Shinobu Oshino sat on the desk beside him, swinging her pale, slender legs with a phantom of a smile playing on her lips.
"But it is quite amusing, is it not?"
"What part of this is amusing? I'm even starting to suspect this Sampo is just Sparkle in disguise."
Araragi rubbed his temples.
"Heaven only knows what tricks those Fools have up their sleeves; they might even be able to hoodwink a Memokeeper. She transformed into Sampo last time, so it's hard not to be suspicious of him now… I have a premonition. She is the type who enjoys observing others' reactions and micro-expressions from a close distance. I suspect she prepared the Dreamjolt Troupe's lines long ago."
"And the basis for this premonition?"
"…Well, the culprits in many detective movies I've watched have those kinds of twisted hobbies."
Araragi glanced at the blonde girl.
"Seems reasonable, right?"
"Thou cannot simply apply the habits of those dull murderers to a Masked Fool. For this is not a murder case at all… it is merely a prank directed at Sampo and Black Swan."
Shinobu straightened her legs and lightly tapped his shoulder.
"Bring me the donuts you bought this morning. Pranks and sweets are a match made in heaven."
"…Everything is a match made in heaven with donuts to you. You just want to eat them, don't you? And besides, can't you move yourself?"
"Lazy."
—
「 "…Oh, it seems this is a little stage play self-directed by Miss Sparkle, with no relation to the actual case."
The Constable and the Deputy each explained the sequence of events regarding Sparkle-sama's murder to Black Swan. They claimed that three 'brave warriors' had been ambushed by the Annihilation Gang bandits, leaving almost nothing of the cargo they were escorting. To escape responsibility, all three supposedly had motives to kill Sparkle.
"It would seem, then, that the three warriors conspired to commit the crime together?" Black Swan remarked casually.
"Uh…"
The Deputy froze, and the Constable stood dazed.
Sampo was instantly amused. "…Is the case closed already?"
"No! There can only be one culprit! What kind of mystery is it if all three of them are the killers… Wait… Just wait…"
The Constable began to fabricate wildly, putting every ounce of effort into the lie.
"Uh…" Sampo spread his hands. "If you can't make it make sense, why not just drop it?"
"I've got it!" The Constable finally scrambled to invent a plot point about the three of them fighting over a 'second-in-command' position, forcing it into the narrative just to make Black Swan deduce a single culprit.
The three individuals were named Lefton, Zhongshan, and Wright. After the Deputy quickly supplemented Black Swan with their backstories, he began to urge the two to start their investigation.
After investigating the giant wooden hammer at the scene, Sparkle suddenly reappeared, stating that even more evidence was hidden elsewhere. Her stated goal was to avoid disrupting the search and to continue being a law-abiding citizen.
"She's surprisingly 'kind,' isn't she…" Sampo gave a helpless, bitter smile.
The two transformed into Hanu Brothers and entered a game machine, finding a small device without any effort. It looked like a button.
"Don't press it! Lady Black Swan, absolutely do not press it!" the Constable pleaded desperately. "This is the Mutual Assured Destruction button left by Sparkle-sama. If pressed, Sparkle-sama will instantly vanish into ash along with the entirety of Penacony!"
"Simultaneously, Sparkle-sama holds an identical button. Once she presses it, you will instantly vanish into ash along with the entirety of Penacony!"
Black Swan: "That sounds like… both buttons can do the exact same thing?"
Constable: "Correct — exactly the same."
"…Uh." Sampo wiped the sweat from his brow.
"Oh…"
Seeing their lack of interest, the Constable grew anxious. "Aren't you going to ask why?"
Black Swan took a deep breath and followed the prompt. "Then… why is that?"
The Constable spoke solemnly, emphasizing every word: "Because she is… FAIR!"
Sampo finally reached his limit. "There's something wrong with you!" 」
「 ..... 」
〜Type-Moon World, Carnival Phantasm Worldline〜
"Hahaha! This Sparkle is way too much fun!"
In the living room, Rin Tohsaka was doubled over with laughter. She clutched her stomach, curled up on the tatami, tears practically pricking her eyes.
"To—to be able to leave her fellow Fool speechless at the same time… Sparkle has to be in a league of her own! Compared to her, Sampo looks so normal! She really is a creature who just wants to watch the world burn."
—