"Hikari..."
"Hikari-san..."
"Hikari-kun..."
A crow-like cawing pierced his ears, rousing Kamizuki Hikari from his deep sleep.
Looking at the crow messenger (Kakashi) before him, Hikari let out a helpless sigh.
"Kakashi, if you don't give me a damn good reason for this, next year on this day, I'll be burning extra paper money for you at your grave. As for Shizune, I'll make sure she finds a boyfriend quickly—so she doesn't lose sleep, skip meals, and wither away from missing you too much!"
'The hell?!'
'Is this guy even human?!'
Kakashi felt the hair on his body stand on end.
Because when Hikari said those words, his tone was far too serious.
Which meant... he meant it.
"Well, um... I just wanted to ask if you had time to give Sasuke some guidance. You know this kid has had it rough, losing both parents at such a young age, living all alone. All he thinks about now is revenge, so—"
"Ha~!"
Hikari yawned, giving Kakashi a speechless look. "You, of all people, know who Naruto is. You don't bother to look after him, but instead you're worrying about some Uchiha kid? Don't you think that's a little too biased? I wonder how you'll face Minato-sama when you meet him in the afterlife!"
'I...'
Kakashi fell silent.
What Hikari said was harsh, but it was also the truth.
Compared to the Uchiha, Namikaze Minato and Kushina were the ones he should respect and care for. Their son, Naruto, had been neglected by Kakashi all these years for... various reasons.
Now that Konoha was under Tsunade's leadership and Kakashi himself was a village advisor, holding great authority, no one would criticize him for giving Naruto proper care.
But the fact remained—Naruto had never once been at the forefront of his mind. That was negligence, plain and simple.
"Alright already, what's with that face? Who are you trying to impress?"
Seeing Kakashi sink into regretful silence, Hikari shook his head helplessly. "What's past is past. Just make sure you look after him better from now on!"
"Alright. I'll remember that."
Kakashi replied quietly, his eyes fixed firmly on Hikari.
"Hey, you're not a woman—stop staring at me like that. It's creepy." Hikari tugged his blanket closer and shifted a little farther from Kakashi.
Kakashi's eye twitched. "Enough nonsense. About Sasuke—give me a straight answer."
"I want to sleep. Ask me after I wake up, alright? And another thing—you dumping a Kiri kunoichi on me—don't you know I've always stayed away from women? You're sabotaging my training with this nonsense."
'Wait, what?!'
'You stay away from women?'
'You practically have women throwing themselves at you, and you call that "staying away from women"? Do you think I'm blind and deaf?' Kakashi thought.
'First Ayame, then Tenten, and now Anko?! How many women do you need?! Seriously, can't you share at least one?! I'm still single, damn it!'
"Actually, I didn't come alone this time." Noticing Hikari was about to drift back to sleep, Kakashi moved to the door and opened it.
A blond boy with six whisker marks on his cheeks stepped inside, accompanied by a white-haired, pervy old man.
(Jiraiya: What do you mean 'old man'?! Call me the Gallant Toad Sage—no, wait, damn it, stupid Naruto rubbed off on me—call me Jiraiya-sama!)
"What the..."
Seeing the two, Hikari sat straight up in bed, staring at Naruto in surprise.
"Naruto, what are you doing here?!"
"Hikari-senpai, I came to see you!" Naruto beamed brightly, stepping inside.
"Wait a sec, why are you all here together? It's not even my birthday!" Hikari looked bewildered at the three men now invading his bedroom. He felt like his personal space was being defiled.
"Hikari, my new book is finished! I'm planning to meet some publishers to figure out the best way to release it, so... you know what I mean." Jiraiya said with a hearty laugh.
Before Jiraiya could even finish, Hikari understood his implication right away.
"Screw that! I haven't finished my book yet! If you're leaving, take Naruto with you or throw him at Kakashi—don't dump him on me!"
"Hikari, don't be so cold!" Jiraiya kept smiling as Hikari made a face of utter rejection. "You know Naruto's situation, and with that mysterious organization still out there... right now, with Tsunade's reputation echoing throughout the shinobi world, Konoha is the safest place for him."
"Oh? Then leave him with Kakashi. He can make up for all those years of neglect!" Hikari suggested.
Kakashi's face stiffened awkwardly.
Naruto himself might not understand the neglect, but the three adults in the room understood it all too well.
Jiraiya added, "It's just that Kakashi is too busy..."
Hikari waved him off. "I'm busy too! You've no idea the kind of hell my life has been lately. I can barely take care of myself, let alone someone else!"
But Jiraiya wasn't about to give up. "The thing is, Kakashi can't be relied on. Compared to him, I think you're far more dependable."
"Well, that part is true. Kakashi really isn't reliable." Hikari admitted.
(Kakashi: ...Wow. You two actually found common ground over how unreliable I am.)
"So then, about Naruto..." Jiraiya pressed.
Hikari shook his head firmly. "No way. Why not let Tsunade-sama—"
"Definitely not Tsunade!" Jiraiya cut in. "Don't even mention her. She's even more unreliable! And besides, aren't you already leading the Ino-Shika-Chō team? Adding one more student isn't a big deal!"
"Sure, but one more student means more work. I'm still young, I need to find a wife! If I get worn out raising someone else's kid, what about my future wife?" Hikari argued.
"Hikari, women are fleeting distractions. Look at me—I'm rich, and I've never married. Being single means I can enjoy myself at the red-light district whenever I like, no worries about family. Isn't that great?" Jiraiya said proudly.
"That may be true, but I still think it's better to have a family. And honestly—call me shameless—but with my looks, there's no way I'll end up with just one wife." Hikari said smugly.
Jiraiya snorted. "Stop pretending. We know each other too well. And what woman would ever agree to sharing one husband? This isn't one of your novels, where you can just write whatever you want! Hikari, respect reality."
"Whatever. I'm too busy. I don't have time to babysit."
"Hikari, don't force me. If you keep this up, I'll use my ultimate move!" Jiraiya warned.
Hikari spread his arms. "Go ahead, show me what you've got. I'd love to see what could possibly work on me!"
"Fine then! Since you're so stubborn... Naruto, go! Use your ultimate technique to deal with him!" Jiraiya ordered.
Naruto nodded obediently, then quickly formed hand seals.
"Ninja Art: Sexy Jutsu—Dream Harem Version!"
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