Hands behind my head, strolling like I owned the damn streets of Sumeru, I announced, "Alright, now that we've wrapped up all that serious god-and-gnosis business, what should we do now?" My voice echoed like I expected trumpets and applause. Spoiler: no trumpets, no applause. Instead, Greg leapt onto Nilou's shoulder like he was filing an official complaint—tiny lizard glare and all. Translation: Don't drag me into your mess, idiot.
I side-eyed him. "Wow, even my pet lizard unionized against me. What's next, Greg? You gonna strike for better working conditions?" Greg flicked his tail like, Already did. You're the one who didn't sign the paperwork.
Nilou tilted her head, smiling softly at Greg. "He's really expressive, isn't he? Sometimes I think he understands more than we give him credit for."
"Sometimes?" I gasped. "Nilou, this little guy is plotting world domination. One day we'll wake up and Sumeru will have a lizard for an Archon."
Greg blinked slowly, like he was confirming my words.
Lumine actually thought for a moment, her serious face on. Then she shrugged. "Yeah, I got nothing right now. I just want to rest."
Paimon groaned dramatically, hands on her tiny hips. "So we're just going to stand here and do nothing? Boring! At least make it sound exciting!"
I rubbed my chin. "Exciting, huh?" And that was my cue to bring the chaos.
"What if," I began, grinning like I was about to suggest curing world hunger, "we start a circus! I'll be the ringmaster, Nilou dances, Lumine juggles hilichurl masks, Paimon gets shot out of a cannon, and Greg can—"
"No," Lumine, Nilou, and Paimon said in perfect unison. Even Greg flicked his tail against Nilou's shoulder like a punctuation mark.
I slumped dramatically. "You guys crush dreams for a living, huh? No wonder my childhood was full of trauma. Wait—was it?" I looked up at the sky as if Irminsul would kindly download my lost memories back into my brain. Nothing. Figures.
Nilou giggled, but she leaned closer and whispered, "Maybe something safer? Like a play? You could be the lead actor."
My eyes sparkled. "Yes! Theater of Chaos! Where every scene ends in an explosion of confetti!"
Lumine smacked my arm. "No."
Undeterred, I raised a finger. "Okay, new idea! We form a rock band. Nilou sings, Lumine plays the guitar, Paimon bangs the drums, Greg's on triangle duty. I'll handle the fanservice."
"No," Lumine said flatly.
"Okay fine, plan C—pirates! We get a boat, raid treasure, I wear the hat, and Greg becomes our parrot."
Greg hissed softly, which I'm pretty sure was lizard for try that and I'll bite your ear off.
Nilou giggled again, covering her mouth. "Shigeru, I don't think we'd last a single day as pirates."
"Alright, alright," I huffed. "Plan D! We open a food stall. Lumine cooks, Nilou attracts customers, Paimon taste-tests, and Greg supervises quality control. I'll… uh… look handsome in the corner."
Paimon narrowed her eyes. "You mean freeload."
I gasped, wounded. "How dare you! Freeloading is an art, and I've mastered it."
Lumine pinched the bridge of her nose. "We're not doing any of that."
Greg yawned. Loudly. Or maybe I imagined it. Hard to tell with a lizard.
I crossed my arms, pouting. "You guys never let me have fun ideas. Next you'll tell me I can't build a giant statue of myself in the middle of the desert."
"You can't," Lumine said instantly.
Nilou put her hands together apologetically. "Maybe something smaller…? Like a sand sculpture?"
Greg flicked his tail again, which I interpreted as even that's too much.
And then Paimon's tiny brain—smaller than a cabbage, yet somehow more useful than mine—lit up. She floated higher, hands on hips. "Hey, how about we celebrate you and this idiot's engagement?"
Nilou's eyes sparkled, and she clapped her hands together. "That's a wonderful idea!"
Lumine's eyes widened like she just remembered something obvious. "Right! Let's do that!"
I blinked at them all, suddenly on the spot. "Hmmm… I can't think of a perfect venue, but our teapot mansion can fit everyone. Mondstadt, Liyue, Inazuma, Sumeru—all our friends. Though… I kinda wish Dain could join too, but that guy's like a ghost—shows up, drops cryptic lines, and vanishes."
Lumine gave a small nod, her expression softening. "Yeah… it would be nice if he came. But you're right, he's always disappearing."
Paimon floated with her arms crossed. "Still, Paimon thinks he'd secretly enjoy it. Even if he'd never admit it out loud."
We all nodded. Nilou beamed at me, and I couldn't help grinning sheepishly back. "We'll introduce you to everyone, especially Hydro Daddy Ayato. But you're not allowed to fall for him. He's handsome, yes, but he's taken."
Nilou pouted, cheeks dusted pink. "But… I'm already engaged to you."
The sheer cuteness floored us. Lumine gasped, Paimon gasped louder, and I gasped loudest. Greg dramatically covered his face with his tiny claws, like, even I can't handle this level of sweetness.
Lumine immediately smacked me four feet away and latched onto Nilou in a hug. "You're so cuteeee!"
Flat on the ground, I groaned. "So cuteness unlocks her violent tendencies too, huh? New learning about my favorite blondie." I dusted myself off, puffed my chest, and announced, "Alright, let's head back to the teapot and prepare!"
Paimon muttered under her breath, "This is going to end in chaos. I just know it."
Greg nodded. Or maybe his head just twitched. Still counts.
We had just turned toward the city gate when two familiar figures crossed our path. Dehya, towering with her lioness swagger, and Dunyarzad, smiling radiantly, looking healthier than ever.
Dehya raised a brow. "Well, well. If it isn't the chaotic group. What's up?"
My eyes sparkled like a kid spotting free candy. "Fire Mommy! Sickly Lady Who Isn't Sickly Anymore! You're here!" I ran up to them and declared proudly, "I'm engaged! To Lumine and Nilou!"
Dehya blinked, then smirked. "Woah. They actually said yes? …Why?"
I deadpanned, hand to my chest. "Why do you sound so surprised?"
Lumine crossed her arms, glaring at Dehya. "Hey! He's not that bad."
Paimon added, "Well… depends on the day."
Nilou giggled softly, trying to smooth the mood. "He does have his good points." Greg raised a claw like he wanted to interrupt but decided against it.
Dehya laughed awkwardly, scratching her neck. "If you say so."
Dunyarzad chuckled softly behind her and added, "I suppose he has his charm."
"Charm? Ha! Finally, someone notices." I pointed at myself proudly. "See? Recognized international treasure."
Greg rolled his eyes. Yes, a lizard rolled his eyes.
"Anyway," I leaned closer to Dunyarzad, eyes softening for once, "how are you doing now?"
She smiled warmly. "I'm perfectly fine. Thank you, Shigeru."
Nilou's eyes welled happily, and Lumine and Paimon both sighed in relief.
Nilou suddenly perked up. "Oh! Since you're both here… may I ask a favor?" She pulled the ultimate weapon—puppy eyes. Level 100 cuteness. I swear my soul left my body.
I had to slam my fist against my chest like I was rebooting an engine. "I better keep my heartbeat at 300 bpm."
Dehya's jaw dropped. "Isn't 90 bpm the normal one?!"
"If you have a companion as cute as this goddess, 300 is the bare minimum," I said solemnly.
Dehya nodded, completely serious now. "…Fair enough. Anyway, what's the favor, Nilou?"
Nilou clasped her hands together. "Could you help us with the preparations for our engagement celebration?"
Dehya and Dunyarzad exchanged glances and smiled. "Of course," they said almost together.
Greg flicked his tail approvingly. Finally, something productive.
I threw a fist in the air. "Alright, gang! To the teapot mansion we go!"
Paimon groaned. "We're never going to survive this." Lumine chuckled, Nilou beamed, Greg looked like he already regretted everything, and I—well, I was ready for the chaos to come.
***
Alright, so there I was, hand already reaching for our trusty teapot, ready to haul everyone inside and start preparing the battlefield for what was going to be the most legendary event since Archons invented awkward silence. But before I could even summon my inner housewife, Dehya crossed her arms and gave me that look.
"Well," she said, calm but carrying the authority of someone who's punched her way through too many problems to count, "if you're going to prepare for a big event, don't you think we need to buy some necessities first?"
Necessities. Right. Food, drinks, tables, decorations—ugh, reality. My brilliant momentum deflated, and I blinked at her like a deer caught in Tighnari's headlights. But then my grin snapped back because this was even better.
"Fire Mommy!" I shot her a salute that was ninety percent dramatic, ten percent stupid. "Lead the way!"
Nilou's eyes sparkled as she clapped her hands. "That actually sounds really fun! Shopping together will make it even more special."
I slapped my chest. "Special? Nilou, this is going to be so special people will cry into their soup."
"Or choke on it," Lumine muttered, already rubbing her forehead. "I can already see you turning this into a disaster."
"Correction," I said, wagging a finger. "This will be a glorious disaster. Like lightning hitting fireworks while a bard sings off-key."
Paimon crossed her arms. "Paimon's betting on catastrophic. With fireworks and you falling into a fruit stand."
Greg? Greg leapt gracefully from Nilou's shoulder to Dehya's like he was signing permanent custody papers right then and there.
"Traitor," I whispered, but Greg ignored me. He puffed out his throat like he was proud of his decision. You know that look—I've given up on this idiot, I'm going with someone hotter and more responsible.
Dehya smirked. "Smart lizard."
Nilou giggled softly. "Greg just wants to keep us safe, that's all."
I pointed at him dramatically. "Safe from me? Unbelievable! Greg, we've been through emotional trauma together!"
Greg flicked his tail twice—translation: exactly, and I'm not risking another round.
And so the chaos began—the most fun, most embarrassing, most oddly productive grocery shopping trip of my life.
We started with food. Which, let me tell you, is both the safest and most dangerous place to start when I'm around. I rubbed my chin, pretending to be deep in thought.
"Alright," I announced. "We're feeding basically everyone, right? So we gotta consider tastes. This isn't just a party—it's an intercontinental flavor war!"
Dehya raised an eyebrow. Dunyarzad, who had joined us halfway and insisted on helping, gave me a polite but wary smile. Nilou tilted her head like she expected me to say something wholesome. Lumine just crossed her arms and prepared the smack.
"Okay, for starters—something The Flaming Wine Daddy Diluc would like. Which means—grape juice! And for his Missus, the Acting Grand Master, we'll grab some of that pizza thing Mondstadt's obsessed with. Double boom. Mondstadt covered. And of course, for the drunkard Bard God—bottomless wine! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Smack! Lumine's hand landed on my head.
"Think seriously for once."
"Ow! Okay, okay! Fine!" I rubbed the spot. "We'll also get…bread or something. Maybe meat skewers. Normal people food. Happy?"
Nilou giggled, covering her mouth. "Meat skewers would be nice. A lot of people like those."
"Only if you don't eat them all before the guests do," Paimon warned, stabbing her finger at me.
Greg smacked his tail lightly against Dehya's arm, like listen to the floating one.
Dehya's lip twitched like she wanted to laugh. "If you eat before the guests do, I'll personally knock you out."
"Noted!" I gave her a thumbs-up. "I'll eat after they start eating. Loophole."
Lumine groaned. "This is exactly what I meant."
I ignored her.
"For Liyue," I went on, ignoring the throbbing pain in my skull, "we'll get something tea-based for the Old Geo Grandpa. And, you know, something fancy for the Glowing Avengers."
"Glowing Avengers?" Dehya repeated.
"The Adepti," I clarified. "They're glowing, they're old, they float dramatically. What else am I supposed to call them?"
Dunyarzad giggled softly. "I suppose that…does fit."
"See! At least one person gets me."
"Don't encourage him," Lumine muttered.
"And for the Qixing," I continued, pretending I didn't hear her, "we'll need something sophisticated. Expensive. You know. So they don't feel like we're just serving them rice crackers."
Nilou tilted her head thoughtfully. "Maybe something with seafood? Something that looks delicate, but is filling too."
I pointed at her like she just solved world hunger. "Exactly! Nilou gets it! Seafood that screams 'I have mora' but also whispers 'I can fight a Fatui Harbinger if necessary.'"
Then came the big one.
"For Inazuma…" I paused, calculating. "What if we made a boba tea so big it's the same size as the giant ass statue in Mondstadt for Hydro Daddy Ayato?"
Greg slapped his own face with his tiny claws. He physically could not tolerate me.
"Say something normal or I'll beat you to pulp," Lumine warned, "and you won't be able to do anything about it."
"Gulp," I said out loud. "Maybe sushi platters. With, uh, cute little fish designs and Dango Milk for Ei."
Nilou chuckled again. "That actually sounds nice."
"Way too un-Shigeru," Paimon muttered.
"And Sumeru?" I spun dramatically, pointing at Nilou and Dehya. "I leave it to you, Fire Mommy and Goddess of Dance. Go nuts!"
Nilou's eyes sparkled. "We could have fruit platters, and maybe some sweets too. Something colorful and refreshing."
Dehya smirked. "And something hearty. People don't want to starve while dancing."
Dunyarzad smiled warmly. "I can help with the sweets. Maybe something spiced, so it's distinctively Sumeru."
"See?" I clapped. "Perfect! I delegate, they innovate. Shigeru the genius!"
Greg flicked his tongue like, genius my tail.
After battling through food aisles like heroes slaying dragons (with me being the dragon half the time), we moved on to decorations. My moment. My stage. My true calling.
"Alright!" I threw my arms out. "We need something chaotic. Something that screams—this isn't just a party, this is Shigeru's grand, stupidly beautiful masterpiece!"
"No," Lumine said flatly.
Nilou raised her hand shyly. "Maybe…lots of plushies?"
My heart swelled. "Yes! Plushies everywhere! A plushie mountain!"
"No," Paimon deadpanned. "And no again."
Even Greg shook his head from Dehya's shoulder. My own lizard betrayed me.
Dehya sighed. "Let's just pick normal ones. Lanterns, drapes, tables. Maybe some flower arrangements. Right, Dunyarzad?"
Dunyarzad nodded. "That would be tasteful. We don't want to overwhelm everyone."
"Overwhelm? That's the whole point!" I threw my hands up. "If people don't faint from sensory overload, did we even host a party?"
Nilou smiled gently. "Maybe a mix? A little bit of fun, a little bit of elegance."
I gasped. "Nilou, you brilliant mediator! Yes! Fun-ligance! Elega-fun!"
Greg covered his face again with his claws, as if embarrassed to be associated with me.
Lumine rolled her eyes. "We're going with tasteful. Period."
I pouted. "One day, my genius will be recognized. And on that day, you'll all regret doubting me."
Greg flicked his tongue like he was laughing at me.
By the time our bags were stuffed with food and decorations, we returned to the teapot. I stretched my arms wide, grinning at the empty space.
"Hmmm… Now where should we place the tables and decorations?"
Dehya squinted toward the horizon. "The sea here looks nice. Hosting the event there would be perfect."
Nilou gasped softly. "Oh! That sounds beautiful."
Dunyarzad smiled warmly. "It really does."
Paimon tapped her chin. "Actually, that might be the first sensible thing anyone's said all day."
Everyone agreed. And me? I was already rolling up my sleeves. "Alright! So what are we waiting for? Let's do this!"
Except Lumine had other plans. She tossed me a rope with the precision of a bounty hunter. "Go tie yourself under that coconut tree and behave."
"Hey! That's uncalled for!" I pointed at her accusingly. "I'll have you know, I've given myself a quest!"
Nilou giggled behind her hands. "What quest?"
"The Quest of Supreme Invitation Delivery!" I declared proudly. "Rank: Impossible. Reward: Eternal glory."
Paimon rolled her eyes. "Reward: total humiliation."
Dehya chuckled under her breath. "I almost want to see how this ends."
Before Lumine could say anything, I grabbed Greg and plopped him on my head. "Alright! Me and the lizard are going out to invite everyone!"
Greg crouched down like a little captain surveying his ship. His tail flicked twice—translation: this idiot is going to drag me everywhere again.
"Wait—" Lumine began.
But I was already waving. "Bye guys! Bye Floaty! Bye Fire Mommy and Not-Sickly-Lady-Anymore! Bye Blondie! Bye Goddess! Love you both!"
Nilou blushed, Lumine's glare could have killed a man twice, and Paimon was yelling something about not causing trouble.
Too late. I was already marching out, Greg perched like a crown. "Alright, buddy," I whispered up to him. "First stop—Mondstadt! And if we get lost, it's your fault, not mine."
Greg flicked his tail like, deal.
And just like that, the idiot and the lizard set off on another misadventure.
____________
End of Chapter 155
Quests Completed:
*Announce your engagement in the most dramatic, least graceful way possible.
*Recruit Fire Mommy (Dehya) and Miracle Girl (Dunyarzad) into the chaos brigade.
*Survive the ultimate trial: grocery shopping with Nilou, Lumine, Paimon, Dehya, Dunyarzad, and Greg's judgmental tail flicks.
*Plan a menu capable of feeding nations, Archons, drunk bards, and Diluc (with grape juice, not wine).
*Learn the ancient wisdom of balance: Fun-ligance (Nilou's compromise between chaos and taste).
*Fail to convince literally everyone that plushie mountains are a valid decoration strategy.
*Witness Greg roll his eyes and cover his face in shame—historic documentation of peak lizard disappointment.
*Decide on the perfect venue by the sea, proving even idiots stumble into brilliance sometimes.
*Accept Nilou's puppy eyes, triggering a full-party soul-crash (Dehya almost fainted, Shigeru rebooted).
*Embark on the legendary "Quest of Supreme Invitation Delivery" with Greg perched as Captain of Sanity.
Rewards:
*-250,000 Mora (most of it already earmarked for "unnecessary snacks")
*+1 Legendary Greg Eye-Roll (Rare, unrepeatable animation)
*+200 Nilou Affection Points (She giggled at you more times than Lumine smacked you)
*+50 Lumine Bonk Points (Permanent, cumulative, hurts more each time)
*+100 Paimon Sass Points (Unlocked a new Paimon line: "Humiliation is a reward")
*+1 New Passive: "Fun-ligance" – Nilou auto-nerfs your dumbest ideas into something usable
*+1 Bag of Meat Skewers (Already eaten before the party starts)
*+300 Dehya Intimidation Resistance (You still flinched, but less)
*+100 Dunyarzad Smile Buff (Restores 20 Sanity per encounter)
*+1 Greg Custody Transfer (Temporarily assigned to Dehya for his own safety)
*+1 Eternal Glory (Self-proclaimed, non-tradable)
*+500 Chaotic Energy (Stacking, no cooldown, dangerous if left unchecked)
*+1 Map Marker: "Teapot Mansion – Wedding Venue by the Sea"
*+1 Party Debuff: "Rope Near Coconut Tree" (Lumine-exclusive crowd-control)
Achievement Unlocked:
"Grocery Shopping Hero"
-Survive the most dangerous dungeon of all: a bustling Sumeru market with five companions, infinite bad ideas, and a lizard who judged your every move.