"We often ask questions we are not ready to answer"
"Yeah. I like you romantically. Like a girl likes a boy."
Like me—romantically?
I re-read the message. Again. And again.
I was stunned.
I'd asked her those questions just to tease her a little. It was all lighthearted—just another part of our usual banter.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine she'd actually say something like that.
I was at a loss.
What should I even reply with?
But… hearing that she liked me, really liked me, it did something. I felt this strange warmth bloom inside me. It caught me off guard.
Lily likes me?
Not as a friend—but as something more?
My fingers hovered over the keyboard.
I wanted to say something. But the words... weren't coming.
Lily was a good girl. After months of talking, I could say that with confidence. She was kind. Honest. Comforting.
I enjoyed her presence. I missed her when she was gone. I wanted to talk to her every day.
But even with all that—when it came to romance, to feelings—
I couldn't say I felt the same.
Why?
"Because you can't repeat the same mistake again."
A voice. Behind me.
I turned around.
A man was standing there—someone who looked just like me. Another Solace.
His eyes were deep, serious. His posture rigid, calm.
"Mistake?" I asked him.
He nodded. "Yes. The same mistake you made with Selene."
Selene.
I swallowed hard. Yeah… he was right.
I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't drag someone else down that same path.
"I won't repeat the same mistake," I said, more to myself than to him.
The other Solace smiled.
And then—he vanished.
Dissolved into thin air.
My inner thoughts huh?
I sighed.
My fingers began to type.
"That was surprising. I didn't imagine you'd actually say that. But I'm sorry, Lily. I don't think I have any romantic feelings for you."
Send.
A pause.
Then, I typed again:
"So… what do you want to do now?"
___
"So… what do you want to do now?"
He… doesn't have any romantic feelings for me?
What the hell?!
Seriously? After everything?
Then what was all that—'you're totally my type', 'if you agree, I won't need to find another girl', 'be my princess'…?
Was he just flirting to pass the time?
Was it all just a game to him?
I bit my lip, trying to hold back the frustration boiling in my chest.
I feel… angry.
No, more than angry—I feel stupid.
It's been months since we started talking. We chatted almost every day. Even when we agreed to limit our conversations, somehow we'd still end up texting for hours.
And me?
I started to look forward to his messages.
I smiled when his name popped up.
I felt calm—peaceful—when we talked.
He flirts, yeah. But he's also honest. Blunt. Says what's on his mind without hesitation.
That part of him… that exact part… is what drew me in.
And now, to hear this?
"I don't think I have any romantic feelings for you."
What was I thinking?
I feel like an idiot.
I stared at his message on the screen, my mind racing.
What should I even reply?
---
The message was seen.
But there was no reply.
Did I upset her?
Lily usually replies within seconds. Always. But it's been almost five minutes now... and nothing.
I waited a little longer.
The clock ticked past 2 p.m.
Still nothing.
I sighed and got up to take a bath.
Maybe she's upset. Honestly... it would make sense. I flirt with her constantly, say things that could easily be taken as romantic. Things someone wouldn't say unless they meant it.
But I never thought Lily would actually develop feelings for me.
I didn't mean to hurt her.
I just… I can't let the past repeat itself.
I won't.
I came back from the bathroom and checked my phone again.
Still no reply.
Eventually, I gave up and lay down on the bed.
Sleep. That's what I needed.
To escape the thoughts. The guilt. The confusion.
Sleep is like a semi-death. Quiet. Weightless. It calms the chaos inside.
---
When I opened my eyes again, the sky outside was dark.
8 p.m.
Wow… I'd slept for hours.
I sat up, stretched, and tried to shift gears. Studied for a while. Made some progress.
But even as the night wore on, her name stayed stuck in the back of my mind.
Still no reply.
Nothing.
---
Then—Ting...
It was around 1 a.m.
My heart jumped.
Was it Lily?
I grabbed the phone off the stand instantly and checked the screen.
...
Nope.
Disappointment hit me before I could stop it.
It wasn't her.
It was Julien.
"Are you free now?" his message read.
Although I was disappointed, I replied,
"Yeah, I'm free. What's up?"
The message was read instantly.
Seconds later, my phone started ringing—Julien was calling.
I answered.
"Hello?"
"Can you meet me? Now?"
His voice was quiet—but tense.
I frowned.
"This late? What's going on? You don't sound okay."
He really didn't. His tone was tight, tired… and something else. Something heavier.
"I just… I need your advice," he said after a pause.
"About what?"
"I can't explain over the phone. I'm near your apartment. Can you come out for a minute?"
Before I could respond, he ended the call.
I stared at the screen for a second.
What could be so urgent that he needed to talk now—at 1 a.m.?
The metal door clicked shut behind me as I stepped outside.
The night was still, cloaked in a heavy hush that only arrived after midnight. The street lamps stood like sentinels, casting soft pools of golden light onto the quiet road. Crickets chirped faintly in the distance, their rhythm steady, almost meditative.
A gentle breeze brushed past me, cool against my skin, carrying with it the faint scent of damp concrete and blooming night jasmine from someone's garden nearby. Shadows stretched across the pavement—long, slow-moving as if time itself had grown tired.
The city had curled into sleep. The occasional bark of a stray dog echoed far off, and a lone car rolled past in the distance, its headlights slicing briefly through the calm.
I shoved my hands into my hoodie pocket and made my way to the gate, footsteps echoing softly on the empty path.
Julien was somewhere out here.
And something about the stillness in the air made me feel that whatever he had to say tonight... wasn't going to be easy.