Returning to school after that phone call, I didn't know how to face Lilly. I just did what I did best, I built my walls high and withdrew. I don't know if this is the results of just being shy, anxious, or some kind of mystical cosmic thing like being an Aquarius. They say that those born under the aquarius sign are very emotional. They can be very affectionate and caring but can just as easily close you off without looking twice.
Day after day, whenever I saw Lilly walk by, I kept my eyes down and head low. Everytime she waved at me, I'd just smile and wave back. Nothing more. I was doing exactly what I have done with CC. I gave them space and let them be.
On the last week before school let out for the semester and Christmas break, Lilly pulled me aside after school to talk.
"Hey Alfie." She smiled. "Want to join me for a smoke?"
I really couldn't resist. I still struggled to make eye contact with her. But I nodded and smiled. "Sure."
Lilly and I crossed the street and made our way away from the school grounds. Many of the students would walk through the alleys to enjoy a smoke during lunch hour or whenever they needed that quick escape.
Lilly fumbled around her bag trying to find and dig out her cigarettes. I quickly offered Lilly one of the cigarettes I had stolen from my mother.
She took the cigarette happily. "How've you been holding up?" Lilly asked sincerely.
I held the unlit cigarette resting on my lips and shrugged. "I've been ok. Just... taking things easy. You know. The usual."
"Mhmm" Lilly fell a bit silent for a brief moment. "You know you didn't have to become so cold with me and cut me off."
I still couldn't look at her. "I know. I was just ...giving you space."
"Hmm." Her cigarette remained unlit and hanging on her lips. She gestured me for a light.
"Oh."
I followed Lilly's lead and touched the tip of my cigarette with hers and lit them simultaneously with the lighter i had.
I finally made eye contact and saw some pain in those green eyes of hers.
"You didn't have to do all that, Alfie." She gave me a sharp glare as the glow from her cigarette intensified from igniting. "I liked the way we were. Before that .."
I quickly cut her off "I know. I know.Me too." I took a drag of my cigarette and kicked a small pebble out of the way as we started to stroll down the vacant alleys with their graffiti-covered walls. "I probably ruined it."
Lilly lightly punched me in the shoulder. "No. Goofball. I still want to be friends. You just...made a complicated moment."
I laughed as a plume of smoke exited. "At least now you know how I feel. And now I know what not to do."
Lilly took a drag. "Alfie, It's okay to express yourself. don't let things build up like the way you did. It's going to kill you some day."
(The irony set in that something other than smoking could kill me without notice.)
"Hold on. I got something for you."Lilly smiled warmly.
"Oh?"I stopped walking to see Lilly start digging into her bag.
"The other day when I went to the mall, I saw something that immediately made me think of you. Consider it my Christmas gift to you." Lilly pulled out a ty beanie baby hedgehog.
"Oh my God. Is that A hedgehog? Aww."
She placed the beanie baby in my hand.
"Made me think of you for a few reasons."
She smiled. "Remember when you snuck your hedgehog into school? That was the cutest thing I'd ever seen."
My thumb stroked the velvet fabric of the hedgehogs nose and moved onto the wooly texture of the backside remembering my old pet. "And how you convinced some boys that we found a group of them in the cactus patch and this was one I caught."
Lilly giggled while exhaling a plume of smoke. "God. I was such a bitch."
Her giggling became contagious and I started to join in. "Was?" I teased playfully
She quickly scolded me. "Want me to take it back?"
I instantly cradled the little toy into my chest protectively. "No. No."
Lilly giggled. "Well then."
"And the other reason?" I looked at her curiously.
She shook her head and giggled. "It's pretty much you. The moment you became frightened, you just, balled up and surrounded yourself with spikes."
The little toy gave me so many memories of our middle school days. My emotions started to pile up because of this and what Lilly had said. She really didn't deserve the way I had treated her. "But ...I didn't get you anything?"
"No goofball. You did get me something." Lilly took a good drag of the cigarette. "This semester was a blast. You took me to homecoming, got us those Mums, introduced me to Capettos, I got someone to watch Friends with, and another smoking buddy."
I looked up from the hedgehog to see her smile and nodded. "Thank you." The smile on her face let me know everything was going to be okay between us.
"Just remember, you're Joey and I'm Monica." She giggled.
"Lewinsky?" I joked.
She quickly kicked at my shin. "No! Fucker!"
"Ahh!" I flinched wildly.
We both started to laugh uncontrollably and choking on our cigarettes. After we calmed down from the childlike behaviour she got a bit sincere again.
"So What's next semester looking like for you?"
"Well..." I took a big drag and exhaled. "If the Y2K don't wipe everything down, I'm going to have to take night school classes. I have to retake Algebra 2 and US History. And with me getting ready to turn 16, the Church confirmation classes start." I stretched my arms out as if begging for mercy.
"Ooof. That sucks!" She crossed her arms. "You're really serious about that monk thing, aren't you?"
"I don't know. Maybe." I still had doubts in myself and what the future truly held. "Grandpa is a big member of the church in Mexico and I'm one of the Matachines dancers. Figured I'd probably be the one family member to take that next step and become ordained. What about you?"
She nodded with a small amount of impression. "I Passed all my classes so I don't need to double down on work like you do. I will be starting the graphic arts program at the TechPrep center. So there's that."
"No shit. Tech?" I looked in awe. "I think you'd be a kickass graphic designer."
(TechPrep was a center that offered early Vocational courses for highschool credit and even earn college credit)
Our cigarettes were close to burning down to the filter. Lilly had a mischievous smirk on her face. "You know what I hated about the new Star Wars movie?"
I stood there thinking about it with the cigarette barely hanging on my lip. "What? Jar-Jar?"
"The lasers" Lilly flicked that last remaining bit of cigarette at me while making a high pitched "Pew" sound like a laser.
I jumped wildly seeing that bright red spark flying at me. She started to laugh and run away as I flicked mine back at her copying that same laser sound.
I started to chase after her down the alley and made our way back to the school to wait for our rides.
In the end, maybe it was better we stayed just friends.
Whatever the new millennium brings… I'm ready.
Goodbye, 1999.