Exes and Oh No's!
The rising sun from the eastern horizon was breaking through the clouds and painting them in vibrant shades of pink and orange. The ember from my cigarette glowed softly while Korn was blasting in my headphones.
I started my morning walk to school, kicking up dust and debris with every step, feeling very melancholy.
Shortly after my birthday, there was always a day that made me spiteful. And that day is Valentine's Day.
A day of love, happiness, and friendship, but also a day of heartbreak, depression, and anxiety.
Valentine's Day has always been bitter for me ever since I was a kid in elementary school. Back then, we'd all make these little mailboxes using an old shoe box, construction paper, and lots of Elmer's glue.
If your hands didn't look like you were casting off the skin like a shedding reptile by the time you were done, you didn't do it right.
Everyone in the class would take turns walking around the classroom, placing Valentine's Day cards and candy in them. I always passed those cherry-flavored heart-shaped lollipops with Mickey and Minnie Mouse on the wrapper, my favorite. There was always more than enough for everyone in those bags, and I got to keep the leftovers.
Those little chalky hearts were also a favorite, but not to eat. I found they made great projectiles to fling around.
When we got to open the boxes to see what we received, I always came up short compared to the rest of the class. Meanwhile, the popular kids got extras.
The few things in my Valentine's box I did get usually had backhanded compliments or an unlikable character. I can recall getting many Valentine's Day cards with E. Honda from Street Fighter 2 and the Blob from the X-Men, just because I was the fat kid.
Those kids who did that were assholes through and through. They were the bullies throughout my youth.
As for the cards that I did get that weren't cruel, they came from the other weird kids I got along with, and the ones that were nice to me.
After Elementary school, things were so much better. We never had to do that activity again. Good riddance.
However, Valentine's Day took a different turn during middle school. Kids started dating. Girls would get excited if someone bought them a rose, some kind of candy, a plushy, or jewelry from Claire's or The Limited.
Meanwhile, boys would be giddy with a simple hug or gesture. Even if it was a folded-up piece of paper.
Hell, that would even make someone's week.
And then some were like me. Completely ostracized from it all.
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Finally stepping onto the school grounds, the military kids were unloading from their buses. I smirked, seeing my misfit friends arriving.
When Boss stepped out and saw me, he stared intensely.
"Good morning, beautiful." I greeted him teasingly about the prank we played on him during the weekend.
"Kiss my black ass." Boss snapped.
"Ayy Mamacita." Victor teased, making kissing sounds.
With a quick jolt, the back of Boss's hand hit Victor between the legs. Victor hunched over and held onto his crotch, laughing and coughing at the same time. As comical and fun as it was goofing around with them, I spotted CC and Betty walking towards the tennis courts.
"Hey, umm. I'll catch up with you guys later."
Victor raised his brows, questioning my motives. Boss just nodded. We all bumped each other's fists and went our separate ways.
As I was jogging toward them, Betty was getting ready to sit down on the small stone stairs until she spotted me.
"Hey, Alfie!" Betty waved.
CC turned around, gave me a broken smile, and waved.
Uh oh. That's not good.
When I joined them at the small flight of steps, CC seemed bothered and upset.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
"Guys suck, you know that?" CC growled.
Betty nodded and agreed. She looked just as pissed and bitter.
"Umm...Sorry?"I didn't know how to respond or why I decided to apologize.
"It's not your fault." CC sighed. "It's Kenny. I just learned he's been with some new skank for a while."
Her words, not mine
"Seriously? What the fuck?" I exclaimed.
"You know..." CC clenched her fist on her lap. "I'm starting to think he didn't really care about me as fast as he moved on?"
"Do you know who he's with?" Betty asked.
"Some nasty redhead bitch from ROTC. I saw them recently." CC clenched tightly, trembling and making her knuckles white. "The thing I don't get is...she's not even prettier than me. I could at least understand if she were, but she's just some trashy hoochie slut."
Again...her words.
This was the first time I've seen CC angry like this. Her words were sharp and venomous, full of spite and anger.
After hearing CC mutter those words, my theory may have been true. I still didn't have the heart to tell her I suspected as much since the beginning of the year.
"I can't believe he'd be the kind to pull that kind of shit." Betty crossed her arms angrily.
"Like, what does she even have to offer that I don't? I respected his wishes and took things slow. I genuinely did so much for him, and he just...grrr...leaves me for someone who probably spreads her legs easily. Fuck!" Tears pooled at the corners of her eyes.
I found myself in that position where I wanted to get close and comfort her, but instead, I just clasped my hands together and gave her my undivided attention.
"I hope he realizes how lucky he was." Betty sighed. "Just like my ex, he wasted no time moving on to some easy girl the moment I wasn't around."
"Exactly. He doesn't know how lucky he was." CC wiped her eyes on her hoodie. "Probably doesn't care now. I just...I really wish he cared for me the way I did him."
CC sniffled and mouthed, "I just miss him," under a gasping breath.
"Aww." Betty leaned in to hug her in comfort.
The need to join in was strong, and I wanted to reach my hand out to her, even if to place it on her shoulder, but it just remained frozen on my lap.
This—this is the kind of heartbreak I've seen too many times.
From family. From friends.
If this is what love brings, maybe I don't want it.
But—
I did want to be loved.
I wanted to love.
Just like they did.
And every lonely soul during this love-filled hell of a holiday.
*Sigh*
"This is why I'm going to become a monk or something," I muttered under my breath.
Betty turned her head and gave me a puzzled look. "That's...random."
CC sniffled and giggled. "What?!"
"I'm serious. All this lovey stuff sucks." I flicked one of the tiny pebbles sitting on the stairs. "Everything I see and hear about relationships sounds complicated. I'm not having any luck getting into a relationship anyway, that's why I'm going to become a monk. Just living a simple life, alone and away from it all."
CC started to laugh. "That...actually sounds like a good plan. In that case, I'm going to become a Nun. Get old and die."
Betty laughed. "What about me?"
"Ok. I'll die and come back. Then we'll become lesbians." CC started to crack up. "Then...we are going to become old lesbian nuns."
"What the fuck!" I laughed.
"With cats." Betty joined in CC's contagious laughter. "Lots of cats."
"Yes," CC wiped her eyes dry and changed her sadness into laughter. "That's the plan. I'm gonna become a nun. Get old and die. Come back as a lesbian. Then we're going to become old lesbian nuns with lots of cats, then die together.
"And then come back as cats?" I shrugged and suggested.
"YES!!! PERFECT." CC pointed at me excitedly. "AND GET ADOPTED BY OLD LESBIAN NUNS."
We all started to lose it with laughter at the amount of absurdity we had just built up. The three of us—Single, hurting, and broken-hearted, yet laughing at it all.
Had we just reached a new level of hysteria?
What really mattered to me was seeing CC smile. I just love the way she laughs. I couldn't stand seeing her so sad and hurt.
*DING DING*
The school bell rang and we went our separate ways, hoping to continue during lunch time.
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With us being so close to the tennis courts that morning, I didn't have far to walk. Manny and the rest of the class were all sitting on the old wooden benches by the locker rooms, awaiting the coach.
The coach had a smirk on his face as he walked past us. A steamy cup of coffee in one hand and a clipboard in the other.
"Morning, Class!" He said confidently.
The way he acted seemed way more giddy than usual. If I were to make a guess, that's probably not his first cup.
"As you know, today is Valentine's Day. Today, we are going to be doing something special."
"I've assigned everyone a partner in no particular order. We are playing doubles today, and I expect everyone to be participating. Got it?"
Say what!?
We all nodded and looked around at each other, trying to figure out who the coach had paired us up with. When it came to my turn to be assigned a partner, the coach said, "Alf! You are paired with...Lizzie."
I looked over to where Lizzie was sitting. Her head was always in the clouds, her eyes glazed over, and she was kicking her feet without a care in the world, probably high as usual. Lizzie was one of the school's most lovable stoners. Always friendly and in a good mood.
"Salut Frédéric." Lizzie waved at me and smiled.
She was also in my French class.
"Salut, Colete!" I stood up and headed to the tennis courts with her.
After our hilariously bizarre, yet eventful hour of Doubles, it was on to math class.
There, we started reviewing pairing functions.
PAIRING!
In chemistry, we were going over the types of chemical bonds.
SERIOUSLY!
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By lunch hour, I was about ready to lose it. Everywhere I looked, couples holding hands, girls with gifts, boys with lipstick marks on their cheeks, even classes were mentioning something couple-related.
The Island was my only hope to escape, but even that let me down today.
Victor was being a charmer with Sade.
James was cuddling with his girlfriend, Chrissy.
Boss was heavily flirting and entertaining the other girls of the island.
Bear was chatting with Betty.
I spotted Lilly holding hands with some metalhead guy outside the cafeteria.
Even Nate was busy writing some love letters to his girlfriend at another school.
Ugh. What is the deal? Why is there so much love in the air today?
When I found CC sitting alone, she was staring with eyes full of rage across the courtyard.
I looked at the direction she was focused on, and I spotted it. It was
Kenny and his new girlfriend, Heather.
Heather was also a chubby girl like CC. Her red hair was a frizzy mess, and the clothes she was wearing were too tight and didn't flatter her figure. It made her look desperate for attention. A "Pick Me!" girl.
She was sitting on a higher ledge behind Kenny with her legs straddling his sides and her arms wrapped around his shoulders possessively, whispering little nothings into his ears.
I could have sworn I heard CC mutter the words "Die, bitch, Die" under her breath, seeing her like that.
It was a painful sight to witness. Seeing CC reacting to the girl that Kenny left her for. She needed an escape, and I needed one as well.
I tapped on CC's shoulders. "Hey. Do you want to go to the convenience store?"
She shrugged and nodded. "I guess."
Even walking down the alleyways to get to the convenience store had love themes. Lots of new graffiti with hearts and initials were tagged on the wall.
CC just kept her eyes on the ground and remained silent the whole way there. I thought it was better to get her away from the courtyard than to let her sit there and watch Kenny's PDA with Heather the whole hour.
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Walking into the store, I was greeted with a sign: "SWEETHEART SPECIAL 2 hot dogs, 2 drinks, 2 chips $5."
(Another reminder, yet a convenient deal.)
I picked up that special and did what Lizzie had suggested during our doubles matches: Flaming hot Cheetos covered in nacho cheese sauce.
CC waited at the patio tables outside, staring off at the mountainscape.
I handed CC her drink and food.
She still hadn't smiled.
But at least we were away from the bullshit.
She still didn't say much, but I caught a little curl of a smile appear after that first bite of those cheese-smothered, flaming hot Cheetos.
Now intrigued, I stared at that first messy and gooey bite sitting at the edge of my fork before taking it in.
At the first hearing about this concoction of a snack, I wasn't sure about it. But after that first bite, chef's kiss.
"Fuck me!" I exclaimed.
"Right!" CC finally spoke with a bewildered look in her eyes. "Where did you hear about this?"
"Lizzie." I giggled.
"Dizzy Lizzie?" CC asked.
"Mhmm. That's the one."
CC had her eyes closed, savoring the mix of flavors. "Mmm. Compliments to the chef."
You have to give it up to the stoners. They are truly the unsung masters of the culinary arts.
Even after all the bullshit, the heartbreak, and the awkwardness this Valentine's Day has brought out, it was...kind of perfect...in a weird way.
Sometimes, all it takes is some kind of distraction to help you get things off your mind. And other times, stoner snacks work better than therapy.