Hikigaya Hachiman wasn't always a lonely boy.
In the beginning, he was just another ordinary kid, running around during break, talking too loudly, laughing at things that weren't actually funny. He joined games without thinking and talked to anyone around him.
He remembers that part clearly. What he doesn't remember is when it started changing… or how.
There wasn't a big event or a clear moment when things changed. It just happened quietly. Little by little, Hachiman found himself struggling to stay with the other kids. They moved from one group to another without thinking, while he somehow ended up standing a few steps behind, unable to fit in no matter how much he wanted to.
And unlike the other children around him, who always seemed to have someone beside them, someone to talk to, someone to play with, he slowly realized that he was the only one without someone.
Even so, he kept trying and he kept hoping, just a little, that he might one day find someone outside his family who would understand him. Someone who might want to be his friend. Someone he could do all the things with that he saw other kids doing without effort.
But in time, he came to understand that it was just his own wishful thinking. Things never worked out the way he wanted them to, even when he felt they were finally beginning to.
He never figured out exactly how it all happened or what he did wrong to end up this way. He only remembers how people sometimes reacted strangely to his dead-fish eyes, though he never thought much of it.
At least, not until that day.
"P… please listen to me. I just wanted to know if…"
He said those words, his voice trembling, hoping they'd reach her. Hoping that maybe she would hear him out, even though she was panicked and scared.
"No! Stay—stay back!" Her words came out in broken gasps as she backed away, trembling. "D-don't come near me. Your eyes… they're scary. Like… like those bad people…"
And that was the moment everything he never thought much about suddenly mattered more than anything.
Tears began to stream down her face, her entire body radiating fear. Whatever fragile hope had sprouted in Hachiman's chest was crushed in an instant, extinguished by her trembling voice. Helplessness swept over him. Yet, a small, stubborn part of his heart refused to let go. He couldn't turn away not from her, not like this.
After seeing her fear and sensing the pain she carried, Hachiman made a decision. If he wanted to reach her, he would have to become someone she could trust, someone she could cherish without hesitation. His gaze fell on the plushie clenched tightly in her hands a panda. And in that moment, his resolve was set.
He would become 'Pan-san the Panda,' the beloved mascot of Chiba's Destinyland.
From that day on, he became Pan-san a walking, talking version of her favourite stuffed plushie. His voice was awkward, his movements stiff, but he never stepped too close. Instead, he gently tried to reassure her.
"It's okay," Pan-san said softly, his tone warm and careful. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to, and you don't need to come close. I'll just be here for you. No need to worry, alright?"
Time passed, and little by little, things began to improve. But he understood something he'd been avoiding. He couldn't stay beside her like this. Pan-san was a lie and lies always break sooner or later.
And someday… the truth behind the mask would come out. He feared what that moment would do to her, and he didn't want it to shatter everything she had gained. So, it was better for him to disappear before that happened.
One day, he sat beside her in silence. Finally, he spoke, his voice low and slightly strained behind the costume's mask.
"I was someone else once. But I used a very special kind of magic to become Pan-san. Just so I could be with you." as the words left his mouth. He could see a confused look on her face, and he patted her head in reassurance.
"Really, Pan-san? What kind of magic?" she asked with a spark of excitement, eager to learn how her favourite hero had reached out to her.
He chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of the plush head. "Well… that's a secret. A great panda like me can't just go around revealing his magic tricks to anyone, can he?"
She puffed up her cheeks, looking adorably pouty. "Meanie! Then why even tell me in the first place?"
"Well, since you've been a really brave girl lately, I'll give you a hint, okay?" He said, trying to intrigue her even more.
Her eyes lit up with excitement. "Really? A hint? Tell me! Tell me, Pan-san!"
"Alright, alright. Here's your hint: it's the wishes and hopes of people like you that make this magic work," he said, feeling a slight twinge of embarrassment at his own words.
"That's it?" she asked, her voice skeptical.
"Yep, that's it. But you know…" His voice softened, and his tone turned serious. "No magic can ever last forever."
She froze, her expression clouding with worry. "W-What do you mean, Pan-san?" She whispered hesitantly.
"This magic of mine… It's starting to fade," he admitted quietly. "Soon, it'll disappear. And so will I."
She looked up at him, her eyes wide with confusion and panic. She seemed so small, so delicate, as if the weight of the moment might overwhelm her.
"W…why? Are you going away? Did I do something bad, Pan-san?" She asked, her voice beginning to break, and panic filled her expression.
He shook his head gently, the costume's ears wobbling with the motion. Raising a plush-covered hand, he patted her head softly.
"You didn't do anything wrong. Not even a little. You've been so brave, more than anyone. But sorry, I can't stay with you forever. Soon this magic will end, and then I will disappear too." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small hair bow with a Pan-san design on it and carefully pinned it in her hair.
"This is for you," he said. "So, you'll always remember that you're stronger than you think."
She clung to him tightly, tears streaming freely now. "But I don't want you to go! Please, Pan-san… Stay with me. I don't want to be h...hurt like that again."
Behind the mask, his heart shattered. For a moment, he couldn't speak, but then he forced a smile, even though she couldn't see it.
"Before I go… I'll grant you one wish. Just one thing you want. Something your heart wants more than anything. I'll make it come true, no matter what. So please tell me what your wish is."
Her small voice trembled as she whispered her wish to him. He listened closely, then nodded softly.
"That's your wish, huh?" He asked her softly.
She nodded, her voice barely above a whisper, fragile yet carrying a faint trace of hope. "Is that bad?" she asked softly.
A long pause, and then he gently took her hands in his plush-covered hands.
"Not at all," he assured her, placing a paw over her small hands. "I'll make it come true. I promise. Now…" He tilted his head playfully. "Before your Pan-san disappears, show me that brave smile of yours, okay? I don't want to say goodbye like this."
She shot a gentle smile towards him, which was barely hiding her sadness.
She wiped her tears and mustered a small, shy smile. "Will I ever see you again, Pan-san?"
He hesitated, then replied, "Maybe not like this. But… someday, I hope we'll meet again."
She reached out and gently placed her Pan-san plushie in his lap. "Take him with you so you won't forget me."
His throat tightened, and his voice wavered as he replied, "I won't. I promise."
He sat there for a moment, staring at the plushie in his hands. A strange heaviness settled in his chest. Maybe he already sensed that things wouldn't stay the same, or maybe he was just confused and scared by the feeling growing inside him.
He didn't know what granting her wish would mean, or what it would ask of him. He only knew it wouldn't be simple… and that something in his life would change because of it.
Whether that change would be for better or worse, he couldn't tell. He didn't understand enough to even guess.
But there was one thing, one small, certain thing that he held onto despite the fear and the uncertainty:
No matter what it cost him.
No matter what happened next…
It had to be done.