The days that followed felt unfamiliar quiet and raw, and oddly weightless. I wasn't crying myself to sleep or checking my phone obsessively. But I wasn't exactly okay either. I was floating somewhere in between healing and heartbreak, piecing myself together one breath at a time,one piece at a time.
School continued as usual, being different to the chaos of my personal life. Professors kept piling on assignments. Midterms loomed. Cami had been an amazing friend, letting me vent, dragging me to class, and making sure I ate something that wasn't just black tea,noodles or vending machine snacks.
But nothing could've prepared me for the sinking feeling I got when I got back my math paper.
39%
I stared at the number as if blinking would somehow change it. My chest tightened,heat rushing through my face and the words on the page blurred.
I had tried to study,gave my paper the best but clearly it was not enough.
This wasn't just a bad grade. It was a collapse. A confirmation of the nagging fear I'd been shoving aside while I was trying to survive heartbreak, my future had quietly started to unravel.
I slid the paper into my bag and left the lecture hall without waiting for the professor to finish. The hallway felt too bright, too loud. I just needed air. But that didn't help either.
Outside, I found a bench under the mango tree and sat down, burying my face in my hands.
"I can't do this," I whispered.
"Hey." Cami's voice was soft. I hadn't even heard her approach.
She sat beside me, pulling her hoodie tighter around her. "I saw your face when you left. That bad?"
I nodded, unable to speak.
She rubbed my back. "You've had a hell of a month, Vee. No one expects you to be on top of everything right now."
"I should've been more focused," I said, my voice cracking. "This paper counts for a lot. If I fail again…"I'll loose my chance in graduation,my parents will be angry..i can't fail cami..
"You won't. We'll figure it out."
"We?" I laughed bitterly. "Unless you've suddenly majored in calculus, I don't think you can."
Cami hesitated. "I actually have someone in mind."
I looked up at her. "Who?"
She winced. "Don't kill me, okay? But… James."
I stared at her like she'd just spoken a foreign language.
"No."
"Vee—"
"No. Are you serious?"
"I know how it sounds, but he's a math major. And he's… good. Like scary good."
"I don't care if he invented math. I'm not asking him for help."
"You don't have to. I will."
"Cami!"
She held up her hands. "Hear me out. I know he hurt you. And I'd be the first to punch him in the face if he tried anything again. But this is about you. About saving your grades, your sanity."
I clenched my fists in my lap. "What if seeing him breaks everything I've managed to hold together?"
Cami sat beside me and spread her arms around my shoulder's, legs crossed, her eyes gentle but sharp like she was trying to read my thoughts.
I stared ahead, unfocused. My hands were clenched in my lap, knuckles white.
"What if seeing him breaks everything I've managed to hold together?" I whispered, voice tight. What if i destroyed everything that I've been trying to forget for the past few weeks?
"Then I'll be right there to remind you who you are. And how far you've come."
I didn't answer.
Because I didn't trust myself not to fall apart again.
Because I hated that she was right.
Because some twisted part of me wanted him to see me not broken, not desperate but strong and rising.
Maybe that was weakness. Or maybe it was just being human.
Two days later, he found me.
I was in the library, surrounded by notes, textbooks, and a calculator I didn't even know how to use properly.
"Vee."
I didn't need to look up to know it was him.
That voice. Low, careful. Like he was afraid I'd disappear if he spoke too loud. Like i was something fragile.
I lifted my eyes slowly
James stood at the end of the table, hands in his pockets, looking like he hadn't slept well. There were dark circles under his eyes. His hair was messier than usual.
He looked nervous.
Good.
I took a small breath with my eyes still fixed on the page i was reading"What do you want?" I asked,keeping my voice even and flat. That was the only way i could keep it from cracking.
"I heard you're struggling with math," he said. "I can help."
My chest tightened. "Did Cami send you?"
"She mentioned it. But I came because I wanted to."
I leaned back in my chair. "Why?"
"Because I care."
I scoffed. "That's rich. You cared so much you brought your girlfriend on our weekend."
His jaw tensed. "Alana's not.."
"Save it," I cut in. "I don't need explanations. I need distance."
"I just want to help you pass."
"I'm not your responsibility."
He took a step closer. "You're not. But I still care."
I stood up, gathering my things. "You're a little late for that."
He didn't stop me.
Didn't chase me.
But his voice followed as I walked away.
"I never stopped caring, Vee. Even when I didn't know how to show it."
I didn't look back.
But I felt the tears sting anyway.
That night, I couldn't sleep.
James's voice echoed in my head. His eyes haunted, apologetic kept flashing behind my eyelids.
What if he was telling the truth?
What if Alana showing up was just another messy piece of a bigger story I never let him explain?
Did it even matter?
I sat up in bed and reached for my notebook. The same problem I'd been stuck on for days stared back at me, taunting.
I sighed.
Then I did something I hadn't planned on.
I texted him.
"What time are you free tomorrow?"
The reply came less than a minute later.
"Whenever you are."