> "I left for five minutes. FIVE. MINUTES.
And now there's a frog pope and they're naming people 'Kazuma-sama the Moist.'"
— Kazuma, current hostage of his own legacy
---
[Location: Axel Town – One (deeply cursed) week after the Tournament Arc]
Kazuma Satou had returned home expecting two things:
1. Peace and quiet.
2. Nobody remembering anything.
What he got instead was:
A parade,
A hundred frog banners,
And a cult of swamp-dwelling believers chanting:
> "ALL HAIL THE GOD OF SURVIVAL!
THE SLIPPERY SAVIOR!
KAZUMA-SAMA, LORD OF ESCAPE TACTICS!"
---
[Morning – Frog Temple Unveiling]
Megumin:
> "Did you… start a religion while you were gone?"
Kazuma (in horror):
> "No! I LEFT to avoid responsibility! Not breed amphibious fanaticism!"
Darkness (admiring the stained-glass art):
> "This depiction of you dodging a punch with tears in your eyes is… majestic."
Aqua (jealous):
> "Why don't I have a church with frog statues?!"
---
[Midday – Council of the Swamp]
The Frog Cult (official name: The Church of the Blessed Retreat) had built a temple made entirely out of discarded boots, half-melted spell scrolls, and broken potion bottles.
At its heart was a throne made of mud and respect.
Cult Leader (formerly that one frog Kazuma couldn't kill in episode 3):
> "Oh Most Cowardly Yet Cunning One, the Great Moisture, please bless our next festival!"
Kazuma:
> "I am NOT giving a sermon!"
Cult Leader:
> "But we made you a robe! It's enchanted with Slippery Escape +6!"
Kazuma (wearing it within 5 seconds):
> "...Okay, sermon time."
---
[Evening – System Chat Ping]
Kazuma (typing rapidly):
> "HELP. I came back to a religion based on my fleeing skills.
I don't know whether to cry or monetize it."
Deadpool:
> "Cult leader? Pfft. Amateur. Try running a crime syndicate with emotional support burritos."
Artoria:
> "You are responsible for this now. Lead with honor."
Kazuma:
> "I led with screaming. This is YOUR fault."
Buggy:
> "I feel you. Mine started calling me 'Divine Nostrils.'"
---
[Late Night – Alone in the Temple]
Kazuma sat on the mud throne, slouched, eating a cold potato and contemplating life choices.
> "Is this what it means to succeed?
To be feared by frogs and adored by idiots?"
He looked down.
A frog offered him a flower.
He sighed.
> "Fine.
I'll bless the festival.
Then I'm retiring to a swamp mansion and never leaving again."
System Notification:
> "Kazuma has unlocked Local Influence Trait:
'Swamp King Aura (Lv.1)' – Amphibious creatures within 50 meters offer passive support, shielding, or snacks."
---
End of Chapter 32: Kazuma Satou