Chapter 30: Your Male Gun Won't Work When It Meets My Female Gun
"Hey, even though Duel Monsters is indeed a collectible card game, and there are rules for betting cards, I remember Mr. Lucky, you were the one who lost, right?" Chumley casually glanced at the yard, then raised his hand and stretched.
"Brat, today this old man will teach you a rule of the adult world." Lucky, grinning menacingly, shook the revolver in his hand. "The world may be reasonable, but a big fist is the hardest truth."
"Mr. Lucky, your fist isn't that big, is it?" Chumley raised his hand, made a fist, and compared it to Lucky's. "It's clearly about the same size as mine."
"Idiot, I have a gun, a gun!" Lucky was getting irritated. This kid in front of him was one moment incredibly smart, the next utterly foolish; he was truly a difficult one to figure out. "A gun is the biggest fist."
"A gun is the biggest fist?"
Hearing Lucky's words, Chumley chuckled. Without even trying to hide it from Lucky, he lifted his shirt and pulled a white object from his waistband. "As if I don't have a gun of my own."
"What's that thing?"
Chumley glanced down and quickly said, "Oh, my apologies, it got a bit squashed when I sat down just now. I'll just bend it back into shape."
Chumley took the crumpled white object and fiddled with it for a few moments. The part that had been wrinkled was straightened out, revealing it to be none other than the Paper Handgun he had folded during his school days.
"You idiot, are you messing with me!?"
Chumley quickly waved his hand. "Hey~ How am I messing with you? I'm completely serious. My gun isn't ordinary. Your gun is male, and mine is female. A male one stops working when it meets a female one."
"Nonsense, shouldn't it be that the female one stops working when it meets the male one?"
"I see you don't understand at all, Mr. Lucky."
"Understand? Understand what?"
"In today's society, where can you still find gentle women who let men be the head of the household? This era champions individuality, and women have all awakened to independent thought." (Well, perhaps, though some have taken their awakening a *bit* too far and gone 'to the ring'.) "In just a few years, among the next generation of young couples, there will definitely be no shortage of men who are afraid of their wives."
"You have a point there. I've met quite a few guys who say they're not afraid of their wives, but then dash home as if their lives depend on it the moment they get a call from them. Maybe it really is that the male one meets... No, wait, you nearly dragged me into your nonsense, you bastard. How can guns be male or female anyway!"
"Tsk, almost."
"I heard that!"
Seeing Lucky getting somewhat agitated, Chumley quickly said, "Alright, I'll put it another way, a different one. The gun in your hand is a Japanese-made police revolver. The one in my hand is an M1917 American-made Smith & Wesson. Yours is the son, and mine is the father. When the son sees the father, he wouldn't even dare to fart."
Right, he wouldn't dare fart, because that son would just directly dump dirty water instead.
"...You, you're a lunatic, aren't you?" Watching Chumley prattle on confidently in front of him, Lucky glanced at the gun in his hand with a hint of doubt. He was a little unsure — was he really holding a real gun? Could he actually be holding a toy gun? Otherwise, why wasn't this kid scared in the slightest?
"I'm not crazy, I'm perfectly normal." Chumley retorted. "You probably think this handgun of mine is fake, don't you? Just stand still and watch me give you a shot."
"Hmph, if that Paper Gun in your hand can shoot bullets, I'll take your surname." Lucky watched Chumley raise the gun and aim it at him with disdain. He didn't fire, just smiled, curious to see what other tricks Chumley had up his sleeve.
"Go on, shoot?"
Unexpectedly, Chumley raised the Paper Handgun in his hand, frowned, and said, "No, I can't do that. Behind you is our family's TV. What if I shoot it and break it? I still want to watch the recordings of the Duel Monsters tournament. Move over to the side a bit."
"He's not quite right in the head, but he's certainly troublesome." Lucky impatiently took a step, positioning himself in front of the glass door leading to the yard. "Let me be clear, kid, if you can't fire a real bullet, my gun will open fire. And to think I initially didn't want to kill anyone."
"Don't worry, Mr. Lucky."
Chumley once again raised the Paper Handgun he was holding, pretending to aim. Suddenly, as if remembering something, he spoke, "Oh, by the way, Mr. Kobayashi Lucky, my bank card password is 030221. Don't forget it~"
Before Lucky could even react, the Paper Handgun in Chumley's hand mimicked a shot, its muzzle flicking upward as he made a "bang" sound with his mouth.
"Pfft!"
"Crack!"
"Thump!"
Watching Lucky, whose attention he had entirely monopolized, who hadn't even noticed the several snipers quietly appearing on the opposite building, and who died without even knowing how, Chumley, forcing back his disgust, took his Deck from his hand. "You wanted to swipe my Cards, so it's only fair if I swipe your Deck too, right? After all, I've been under a lot of pressure."
----Police Cleanup Operation----
"That's how it was at the time."
Yugi and his group gathered around Chumley's seat, listening to him recount what happened last night with great fascination.
"Chumley, you're incredible!" Joey exclaimed in admiration. "To face a criminal with a handgun and still calmly stall for time like that... If it were me, I would have already been sitting on the ground, unable to stand, right?"
Not at all, Joey, you're too humble when it comes to willpower. Not everyone can withstand the Power of Ra.
"And under those conditions, Chumley could still complete such a brilliant Duel, that's truly incredible!" Yugi exclaimed, looking at the one-sided recreation of the Duel on Chumley's desk.
Téa, however, was a bit puzzled: "However, Chumley's (Megamorph) seems a bit different from the one we saw at Yugi's house the day before yesterday?"
"Because Industrial Illusions occasionally releases Duel Monster Cards with the same name, but different Card Art and even different Effects. For instance, with the (Dark Magician) Card, I have a black version, and there's also a red version." Yugi explained to Téa. "I also have a (Magic Cylinder) whose Effect is different from other Cards. I imagine Chumley's (Megamorph) is the same."
"I see."
Tristan nodded. "I didn't expect you to go through so much last night, Chumley. It really was a heart-stopping story, though that Paper Handgun at the very end did break my immersion a bit."
"Huh? I clearly thought the climax of the story was when I was holding the M1917 American-made Smith & Wesson."
"No way!"
"Tristan, you're so annoying. Have you decided when you're going to confess yet?"
Tristan fell into silence.
The story has progressed to the Countdown stage. However, not all characters appearing in the School Arc are mere extras; I have quite a few roles prepared for them in later chapters.
(end of chapter)