"YO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE PISSED ABOUT MY STORY!? I MADE IT FAKE AS FUCK! I DECIDED TO MAKE THE GANGS FAKE AS FUCK!" Lucius yells angrily.
"DUDE, THEY'RE MAD YOU'RE EVEN MAKING REFERENCES TO THE DUMBASSERY OF THE TOWN!" Comptroller yells furiously. "DELETE THE BOOK!"
"FUCK YOU, I WANT TO MAKE FUN OF THE TOWN!" Lucius yells passionately.
"DELETE IT!" Comptroller yells angrily.
"I WILL BECOME FAMOUS AS A WRITER BY MAKING FUN OF THIS TOWN, MY GANG, YOUR GANG, GOVERNMENT, FUCK YOUR MOMMA GANG!" I yell passionately.
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LOW KEY!" Comptroller yells angrily.
"SHUT UP! I'M HYSTERICAL! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS CAUSE FOR ONCE I'M POPPING OFF!" Lucius yells with passionate rage.
"YOU'RE JUST MAD YOU ENDED UP A GANGSTER! YOU'RE LIKE HITLER, BUT INSTEAD YOU'RE A GANGSTER THAT WANTS TO BE A WRITER!" Comptroller yells with furious rage.
The Comptroller watches Lucius through a camera in his fridge. Lucius stares out the window with a stupid, amused grin on his face.
"Alright, fuck you. That was funny, but you're still a bitch." Lucius laughs.
"SHUT UP! QUIT AGREEING WITH ME WHEN I'M FUNNY!" Comptroller yells furiously.
"But you're right and it's accurate. I hate how accurate it is. Everyone says I'm a hack." Lucius laughs.
The Comptroller takes a deep breath, and with restrained calm that seeps with rage, he explains the situation.
"Lucius, for once your story was good enough to go viral. And the town is mad you're talking shit. You're gonna get shot."
Lucius strokes his chin and ponders for a moment.
"I don't care, I'm an arms dealer that knows kung fu." he says confidently.
"They took all your guns." Comptroller says calmly.
Lucius runs so passionately he runs into a wall. His shoulder bashes against it as he flounders and sprints desperately to his arsenal room. Only to find it is empty. He fucking clutches his heart, palpitations hitting him. He is feeling death at his door. He is rambling to himself as an attempt to steady himself.
"Come on bro. You still know kung fu. You can… fucking… ah god, I'm gonna die."
"Jesus, tell me when you're not dying. I want to know if I should bother helping." Comptroller says angrily. "WAKE UP! THIS ISN'T EVEN THE FIRST TIME THEY'VE DONE THIS! REMEMBER THAT, DUMBASS!" he yells angrily.
Lucius is suddenly steadied a bit as he remembers the few times it has happened. And it's always cause he pissed off the town too hard. But he has survived every time and he will survive today. With luck.
"Alright, so do we know where the next Ritual is?" Lucius asks nervously.
"Don't call it a ritual. I hate when you do that." Comptroller complains.
The Comptroller whines with their voice becoming slightly high pitched like a woman's. Lucius finds it cute and grins.
"Shut up. This is serious. And well, yes. We have an idea of the next… well, they're calling it a protest." Comptroller says with nervous anger.
Lucius sighs and shakes his head with annoyance.
"God, I hate this. They're gonna argue about whether or not to hang me. Let's see if there's any videos of it happening on readit." he complains.
Lucius and the Comptroller in near unison pull out their phones and start scrolling social media sites. Lucius finds a video within 5 minutes.
"Hey, I found-" he says calmly.
"Shut up, I found three. Just study, shit." Comptroller orders sternly.
"Yes ma'am." Lucius says annoyedly.
"SHUT UP! I'M A MAN, NOT A WOMAN! I'LL HIT YOU IF YOU KEEP FLIRTING WITH ME!" Comptroller yells furiously.
"Oh yeah, do it!" Lucius taunts with a shit eating grin.
… …
"QUIT BAITING ME INTO COMING OVER THERE! YOU'RE NOT SEDUCING ME! AND WE'RE NOT HANGING OUT! WE NEED TO FIX THIS OR YOU'RE DEAD!" Comptroller yells angrily.
"Oh my god, you're so rude. We never work together truly. You're always using me." Lucius complains angrily.
"CAUSE YOU'RE IRRESTIBLE AND WE FUCK AROUND TOO MUCH FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY! AND I'M BUSY BEING THE ILLUMINATI IF YOU FUCKING REMEMBER!" Comptroller yells furiously. "DON'T OVERTHINK IT, CHANGING SUBJECT!"
"Fine. But only cause I'm satisfied." Lucius says happily.
Lucius stands in a empty room, yelling at the mics filling his house with a small grin.
"Alright, so they're protesting that you're working with the Feds. How do you think we should handle it?" Comptroller says nervously.
"Hear me out. What if you turned off all the street lights? I love that strategy." Lucius says amusedly.
"No, we can't do property damage. And we've done that five times, it isn't even funny anymore." Comptroller says nervously.
"Okay alright, what if we turned off the water supply?" Lucius says calmly.
"No, too harsh. You always go soft then harsh, it's annoying." Comptroller says annoyedly.
"Alright, so what if weeeee… can we hack everyone's car and make them go to work?" Lucius says calmly.
"I hate that idea but let's do it. We all need some money. Fucking economy check." Comptroller says angrily.
"Alright, I'll see ya later. I'm getting in my car." Lucius says calmly.
"No, stay there. It'll give it away. You're staying home, you'll get shot if they find out it was your idea. You always give-" Comptroller says angrily.
Lucius bursts out laughing and does a victory dance. He stomps his feet rapidly then does a pirouette.
"FUCK YES! I DON'T GOTTA WORK! FUCK CAPITALISM, TODAY IS RAD!" Lucius yells happily.
"WAIT, THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU'RE GOING TO WORK!" Comptroller yells angrily. "GET IN YOUR CAR NOW! YOU'RE GOING FIRST IN FACT! EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO BE LATE OR SKIP!" he yells furiously.
…
"WAIT ACTUALLY, ONLY YOU FUCKING WORK YOU LITTLE SHIT! WHY AM I PUNISHING EVERYONE ELSE, ONLY YOU BITCH! I KNOW YOU HATE COLLECTIVE PUNISHMENT ANYWAY! GO TO WORK, BITCH!" Comptroller yells furiously.
"Bro, this is not based." Lucius says sadly, about to cry.
"DRIVE YOUR CAR TO WORK NOW! I'M CALLING NOW!" Comptroller yells furiously.
So Lucius Dehaviell the Arms Dealer is now on to his day job as punishment from the government. It begins simply enough. Lucius cracks immediately.
"Why'd I do it? I suggested work because I hate work. I've literally told people I'd rather do prison than work." Lucius complains angrily.
He drives for a few moments in bitter silence. Then the Comptroller starts screaming through the radio.
"I KNEW THAT! I KNEW IT WAS WHY YOU SAID THEY CAUSE WHO THE FUCK SAYS SEND PEOPLE TO WORK AS PUNISHMENT BUT YOU!? THAT'S OVERTIME, YOU STUPID LAZY BUM!"
Suddenly Lucius is fighting the wheel as who he fondly calls his 'Hacker Girlfriend' hacks his car and makes him steer wildly left and right. Lucius barely keeps a grip on the wheel. Then he nearly wrecks into a tree and the car shuts up.
"You're walking the rest of the way. I hope you die." Comptroller says angrily.
"Babe, you don't mean that." Lucius says angrily.
"SHUT UP! WE'RE NOT DATING!" Comptroller yells angrily.
"Yeah, anymore." Lucius says bitterly.
He starts to get out the car.
"I'VE ALWAYS SAID IT WAS A MISTAKE, YOU KNOW THAT! YOU BECAME THIS STUPID THING YOU CALL A CELEBRITY CRIMINAL CAUSE OF IT AND IT'S MADDENING CAUSE EVEN WE FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU! DAMN YOU COOP LION!" Comptroller yells angrily.
Lucius stops for a moment.
"Coop Lion? Why'd you mention that rapper?" he asks confusedly.
"CAUSE HE DID IT FIRST! YOU AREN'T EVEN THE FIRST CELEBRITY CRIMINAL AND I HATE IT!" Comptroller yells furiously.
Lucius chuckles and shrugs.
"Dude, it's 2025 and crime has always existed. Of course I'm not the first celebrity criminal. Hell, I know Al Capone exists." he says cockily.
"GO TO WORK, BITCH!" Comptroller yells furiously.
Lucius freaks out a little and starts walking to work. Suddenly he hears a gunshot and starts sprinting.
"FUCK, THEY'RE MAD AS SHIT!" Lucius screams furiously.
As Lucius runs to his job which is one mile away, he hears the roar of an engine. He sprints as fast as he can towards a lightning pole. He barely turns in time to see a car coming his way. He jumps around to the side of the pole opposite the car. And it crashes into the pole. The car splits in half around Lucius as he narrowly dodges. Then he and the driver stare at each other for a moment. Lucius has a cocky grin. The driver is angry at himself.
Lucius runs around the side of the car. The man is still stunned from the car crash, so it's easy to snatch the guys gun and throw it across the street. Then Lucius runs away off to work. It takes two minutes worth of running for the would-be killer to focus enough to look for his gun. Then he curses furiously.
"DAMN IT! THAT STUPID CELEBRITY GANGSTER THREW MY GUN AWAY LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES!"
Lucius has made it onto company property this point, and has a strange thought process he yells aloud.
"AHA! I'M ON CAPITALISM'S TURF NOW! I DARE YOU TO SHOOT ME!" Lucius yells cockily.
A truck pulls up. It's his supervisor.
"How'd you know I wouldn't shoot you here?" he says bitterly.
"Cause I'm a good worker." Lucius says happily.
Lucius smiles brightly and gives his boss two big thumbs up.
"Happy to work, sir!" he says happily.
"I hate that you're right. You're lucky we're desperate, or we'd kill you. I hope someone in town does. You're annoying." Supervisor says bitterly.
Then the Supervisor drives away. And Lucius heads to work. Only to find his boss at the door.
"You're late. You could've been faster." he says angrily.
"Sorry boss, I was in a bullshit scenario. You wouldn't believe me." Boss says angrily.
His boss is a big fat dude with no hair on his face, and a thick moustache. He's wearing a green fedora with the company logo on it. Three blue circles. Lucius stares at his boss calmly while he stares back sternly.
"You should've outrun the car to work so you'd make it on time. Or ride on the hood." Boss says sternly.
… Lucius stretches his arms out to the sides a bit, offended.
"Bro, so you know what happened? You're a dick. Why not just fire me?" Lucius says angrily.
"Cause we're gonna kill you here." Boss says angrily.
… Lucius pulls out his phone and starts texting the Comptroller. Their profile picture is an anime girl colored in black and white.
"So can we abort"
… … Boss snatches his phone, throws it on the ground, and stomps it.
"Get to work!" Boss snaps angrily.
"Dude, that was my phone. Dick move, bro." Lucius says angrily.
Boss pulls out a gun. Lucius quickly throws his fist out, and punches the gun. It hurts a bit, then he grabs the gun and starts wrestling for it.
"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Boss yells angrily.
Lucius stops wrestling for the gun and stares at his Boss for a second, studying him. Then he grins cockily.
"Do it pussy, no balls." he says with cocky humor.
His boss stares at him, utterly stunned. His mouth agape. … Then he starts screaming with a furious passion.
"I'LL FUCKING DO IT! I'LL KILL YOU!"
Lucius just puts his hands on his hips and grins cockily. They stare at each other angrily.
"Get to work. Don't clock in." Boss says angrily.
"I'll think about it." Lucius says quickly.
Lucius nonchalantly walks past his Boss, and walks inside. He clocks in and enters his factory. Puts on his ear protection. And enters the main floor. Within a minute he is confronted again.
"How did you even get in this room?" Sarah asks with shock and awe.