The grand bedchamber of Duke Alister's manor had known quiet majesty for centuries—until tonight.
Now, serenity had been soundly assassinated by the whispers of war, the scent of rosewater and lavender perfume, and the glitter of homicidal determination in the eyes of five extremely determined women.
The air shimmered with tension.
Moonlight poured in through arched windows, illuminating the centerpiece of the room: a massive canopy bed of carved nightwood, draped in pale silk and stuffed with more pillows than a royal treasury could justify.
In the center of that bed… was Rei.
Flat on his back.
Frozen like prey beneath a wolfpack.
He clutched a single pillow against his chest as though it were a holy relic, the only protection left between him and the rising tide of disaster.
His eyes shifted left. Then right.
To his left sat Princess Seraphina, her golden curls braided with sapphire ribbons, her nightgown embroidered with the crest of the Solar Empire. She smiled serenely—but her fingers were curled around the handle of her sheathed ceremonial dagger.
To his right loomed Drakana, tall and imposing even while sitting. Her nightwear was a dragon-scaled halter and loose warrior's trousers, showing off the raw power of her physique. Her tail twitched like a predator ready to pounce. She cracked her knuckles.
At the foot of the bed, perched cross-legged like a cat, was Lilia—his older sister, wrapped in an almost offensively transparent negligee and holding a thermos of 'soothing sleep milk' she claimed to have milked herself. Her expression was that of a saint.
A saint with a terrifyingly large syringe labeled "melatonin++."
In the shadows near the curtains stood Rosette, silent as a ghost, arms behind her back, eyes unblinking.
And on the far end, fluttering in through the window with a graceful leap, landed the fifth: Lady Aria, a noblewoman whose obsession was quieter but no less dangerous. Her flowing white robes barely brushed the floor as she landed beside the windowsill, her smile crescent and unsettling.
Rei swallowed.
Hard.
"Um… I'm pretty sure this room has guest chambers, you know?" he offered, laughing nervously. "Very luxurious. They even have turn-down service."
"No," said five voices in perfect unison.
Rei twitched.
[System Notification: Emergency Threat Level—OVERWHELMING.]
[Commentary: Your survival instinct is correct. They all want to sleep beside you.]
[Optional Quest: Don't Die.]
"How did this even happen?" Rei whispered to himself.
Ah yes. Rewind five minutes.
—Earlier That Evening—
After the dinner debacle (which nearly became a poisoning incident, a stabbing incident, and a 'who-can-feed-him-most-affectionately' contest), Rei had staggered into the bedchamber in a daze. Somehow, he'd survived soup ladling by Lilia, a blood pact renewal by Drakana, and a surprise engagement contract disguised as dessert from Seraphina.
He'd barely had time to peel off his noble garments and slip into his borrowed silk pajamas before collapsing onto the bed like a sack of traumatised potatoes.
The only goal in his overworked mind?
Sleep.
Sweet, non-lethal, goddess-blessed sleep.
And for a blissful moment, he had it. Eyes closed, body melting into the mattress, limbs slack with exhaustion.
Then came the knock.
Then the door opened without waiting.
And now… now here they all were.
Back to present.
Princess Seraphina stretched with a catlike yawn and lowered herself gracefully onto the bed beside him. "As future Empress, I have diplomatic immunity. I claim this bed under interkingdom alliance clause 3.2.2, Subsection 'Spooning Rights.'"
"Clause 3.2.2 was repealed," Drakana growled, cracking her neck. "Besides, only blood-bonded companions have nocturnal priority. I'll be sleeping next to him—and if anyone tries anything, they'll find out how warm dragonfire can really be."
"Excuse me?" Lilia's smile tightened. "You're speaking to the acting matron of the household. As his big sister, I'm responsible for his physical and emotional development. Nighttime cuddles fall under both."
"I prepared the sleeping draught, Big Sister Lilia," said Aria sweetly, floating in like a winter breeze. "I can't sleep unless I'm near his heartbeat. It's always been that way. You remember, don't you, Rei?"
Rei's mouth opened.
No sound came out.
He turned to Rosette, the only one who hadn't spoken. The quiet maid.
"Rosette," he whispered, hopeful. "You'll back me up, right?"
She blinked once.
Then, wordlessly, she approached the bed, reached under the pillow… and pulled out a tiny obsidian blade. She pressed it gently against the headboard behind his head. A mark—his initials, 'R.A.'—appeared in precise strokes.
Her voice was calm, almost loving.
"This bed now belongs to Master Rei. Intruders will be removed."
Seraphina and Drakana lunged at the same time, clashing midair with a flurry of hisses and flailing silk. Lilia blocked with a pillow shield. Aria ducked and summoned frost magic. Rosette dodged like a phantom, vanishing into shadow.
Rei screamed into his pillow.
—Five Minutes Later—
A "compromise" had been reached.
Using a diplomatic tactic only known to obsessive noblewomen, they decided on the worst possible solution: all of them would sleep in the same bed.
Together.
Rei stared at the canopy ceiling as though praying for the gods to strike him down.
"I hate democracy," he murmured.
A gentle hand traced his chest. "Did you say something, Rei~?" Lilia cooed from his right.
"N-nope."
To his left, Seraphina's leg draped over his thigh. "So warm… Just like when we napped in the royal nursery."
"Stop touching him with your cold lizard feet," she added.
"They are talons," Drakana snapped. "And they are *sensual.*"
Rei's eye twitched.
[System Notification: Warning! Oxygen Levels Low.]
[Tip: Try not to suffocate under cleavage.]
He was pinned beneath silk, sweat, and soft-yet-lethal body heat. A leg over his waist. An arm under his neck. A tail wrapped around his ankle.
And worst of all…
They were all smiling.
"Let's talk," Aria murmured suddenly, brushing back her snowy hair. "About the wedding."
All eyes turned to her.
Rei tried to sit up. Multiple body parts prevented this.
"I-I never proposed!" he squeaked.
"But you accepted a spoonful of soup," Lilia said cheerfully. "That's a vow of courtship in the northern highlands."
"You let me bite your finger," Drakana added. "That's marriage ritual in draconic code."
"You kissed my forehead when we were five," Seraphina chimed in. "The Solar Empire legally binds that as engagement!"
"…I licked your spoon," Aria said dreamily.
Rosette didn't say anything.
She simply produced a marriage license written in her own blood and laid it across his chest.
Rei whimpered.
He'd come to this world for peace.
Instead, he was being suffocated in a cuddle orgy of psychotic affection.
"…Eris…" he mouthed to the heavens. "Why…"
—Meanwhile, In the Divine Bureaucracy—
Eris, Goddess of Random Encounters, sipped bubble tea while watching the scene unfold through her divine monitor.
"Ten outta ten," she snorted. "Would reincarnate again."
—Back in the Bed—
A silence settled.
Breathless. Heated. Terrifying.
Then Seraphina shifted. "I get to hold his hand."
"No, I do," Drakana growled.
"I brought the hand lotion," Lilia offered, already opening the cap.
"I'll just cut off whoever reaches first," Rosette said politely.
"…Let's all hold hands," Aria said. "Together. Forever. Until death. Whose? Doesn't matter."
Rei screamed internally.
Externally, he whimpered and hugged his pillow tighter.
—Later That Night—
[System Notification: Nighttime Event: 'Cuddlepocalypse' Triggered.]
[Effect: Cannot sleep. Cannot escape. Must endure.]
[Optional Objective: Don't accidentally grope anyone.]
Rei lay wide awake, his face crushed between Lilia's chest and Seraphina's shoulder.
His hand had somehow ended up on Drakana's abs.
Aria was breathing in his ear.
Rosette had disappeared… but he could *feel* her watching.
He squeezed the pillow.
His last line of defense.
His only ally.
"…I miss cockroaches," he whispered.
To Be Continued…