I'm Calling B******* on Parents Who Put Kids in the Middle
They say divorce is supposed to make life less complicated. You split up, sign the papers, and finally get rid of that daily drama. But here's the part nobody seems to talk about: your kids didn't sign up for any of this, and they sure as hell didn't divorce either of you.
I'll never forget the day my kid looked at me and asked, "Why does my dad hate me? Why does he do all these things? Why does he hurt you like he does? Doesn't he realize it hurts me too?"
That question broke my heart in ways I can't even explain. But I had to be honest with her. I told her, "You can't judge your dad or yourself by how he treats me. I divorced him—that's my problem to resolve. You have to get to know your dad for yourself."
I even told her, "He's kind of like a toddler. He just screams until he gets his way, and you have to teach him how to speak your language. It's not that he doesn't love you—he just doesn't always know how to show it right."
But here's where I'm calling b*******. When parents, or even step-parents, use their kids as pawns in their battles, it's not just petty—it's cruel. And let's be real: sometimes it's not just the ex, but the new spouse who wants to play tug-of-war with your kids' loyalty. I actually told my ex-husband's wife, "Why do I have to be nothing to my kids for you to be something to them?"
That's the kind of insecurity and competition that does nothing but hurt the kids. Your worth to a child isn't built by tearing down someone else; it's built by showing up and loving them for who they are.
Here's the truth: you divorced your ex so you could move on, not so you could keep the drama alive through your kids. Being an adult means putting your child's needs before your need for payback or validation. It means remembering that, to your kids, everybody matters—even the parent you can't stand, or the step-parent you may not love.
Kids aren't blind. They see the tension, hear the snide comments, and feel the pressure to pick sides. And every time you drag them into your mess, you're teaching them that love comes with conditions, and that family means choosing sides instead of coming together.
So maybe it's time to stop acting like divorce is a battleground, and start acting like parents. Your kids don't need you to be perfect, but they do need you to be grown-ups. Let's call b******* on using children as pawns, and start showing them what real maturity looks like.