"No, don't take off her helmet. I've had enough. It's okay, Alex Ray will be here soon. I just kicked this bald woman's ass in the memory world! Don't panic, Logan," said the Hell's Kitchen Deadpool, holding up a hand to stop Wolverine.
"It's seriously disgusting. She stuck her hands in there without washing them. And in this Void, she's never even taken a shower. Filthy. Absolutely filthy," Hell Deadpool muttered, shivering at the thought.
Cassandra, who had been smiling a moment ago, now glared at Deadpool with a murderous look. If eyes could kill, Deadpool would have been vaporized a thousand times over.
Unfortunately for her, telepathy didn't work through glares—and unfortunately for everyone else, Deadpool couldn't die.
Wolverine hesitated, conflicted about whether or not to remove the helmet clamped on Cassandra's head. Without it, they couldn't return home.
As for Deadpool's reassurance that reinforcements were coming? Logan wasn't exactly betting on it.
"Wait," Deadpool said, raising a finger dramatically. "Let's really think about this. Why did we even come here? To bring him back? Only one person wanted to go back—and that's the other Wade, not me."
"Didn't he already bail? Then we don't need to go back. So why the hell are we even considering letting her loose?" he said, shrugging casually.
Just then, a sudden gust of wind cut through the stale air, followed by a familiar, mischievous voice:
"Baby Knife!"
Shlick!
Main universe Deadpool plunged his blade right into Hell's Kitchen Deadpool's neck.
"Move aside, poser! I'm back, and this is my turf now. You can't even break the fourth wall properly," he sneered, punting Hell Deadpool aside like a soccer ball.
(I've already negotiated with the author. Once this gig is done, I'm gonna be a billionaire. Can you even imagine this plot without me?)
Wolverine and Cassandra stared at him blankly, unsure who the hell he was talking to.
"You two! Don't just stand there like props. The script needs work," Deadpool said, suddenly in full-blown director mode.
He dragged Wolverine to a new spot and positioned him opposite Cassandra, creating a makeshift stage. Then, with dramatic flair, he bound Cassandra and slapped a rather unimpressive-looking helmet on her head with ritualistic precision.
"There. That's how it's supposed to look," he said proudly. "Now, I'm going to pretend to kill her. You, Logan, need to scream 'Nooo!' like a heartbroken drama queen. Got it? This will add tension. Then someone will snipe Cassandra, she'll fall over dramatically, and I'll drop the helmet like a tragic hero."
"1, 2, 3—ACTION!"
Main universe Deadpool froze when he saw Wolverine covering his face in disbelief.
"C'mon, the scene started! Why the fxxk did Disney even cast you in my movie?! This is exhausting!"
"Ugh, I wasn't even this tired when I played Green Lantern! And that was the sappiest piece of crap I've ever signed on for!"
"Reset!"
"3… 2… 1… ACTION!"
(This is all in the script, people! I stepped away for a second and everything goes off the rails. Marvel needs me!)
"Hurry, Logan, kill her. If you can't, I will. Just a little twist and boom—off to meet God," Deadpool said, fully immersed.
"Open it!"
"No! Cassandra will wipe us out the second that helmet comes off!" Logan shouted.
"Can you promise you won't kill us if we remove the helmet?" Deadpool asked her flatly.
Cassandra let out a low, menacing laugh. "Hahahaha… of course not. How could I possibly calm the rage in my heart without killing you?"
Her madness extinguished the last sliver of hope in Deadpool's voice.
"Fxxk. You see? Let's just kill her and figure out the rest later," Deadpool muttered. "She's giving me strong Human Torch-on-a-honey-trap vibes."
"Let her go! I promise!" Logan shouted, but even he sounded unsure.
"I really want to fxxking kill her," Deadpool said, "but I can't. At least… I can't."
Wolverine thought of Charles—Professor X—and how he would've handled this. The man always believed in redemption.
While the two stood in tense stalemate—
BANG! BANG!
Two sharp gunshots rang out. Cassandra staggered as bullets struck her square in the chest.
Both men spun to locate the shooter.
It was Pyro—one of Cassandra's own allies.
"I've had enough!" Pyro yelled. "She's a goddamn control freak. Every day under her was hell!"
His face twisted into something resembling relief, even joy, as Cassandra slumped to the ground.
Deadpool didn't miss a beat. He cold-clocked Pyro with a single punch. "You're done. Who gave you lines? Who do you think you are?"
"Let her go! She'll die!" Logan barked at Deadpool, eyes locked on Cassandra's failing body.
With her telepathy blocked by the helmet, she was just an ordinary woman—dying fast.
"Fine, fine," Deadpool groaned. He yanked the helmet off.
Instantly, Cassandra gasped back to life like a video game character respawning. Full health. Full power.
She chuckled darkly, basking in her recovered strength. Her body glowed with renewed psychic energy.
Wolverine and Deadpool stepped back, weapons ready, eyes narrowed. She was a threat again.
Cassandra walked calmly to Logan and studied him.
"My brother must have loved you a lot."
"He loved everyone," Logan replied.
That made her pause.
She turned away, smiling faintly. "You saved me. I owe you for that. But I do love games."
(Finally, the plot's back on track. Time to leave this garbage realm.)
"A long time ago, a magician came here. I killed him," she said casually, almost to herself. "And I got something interesting from him."
She pulled out a ring.
Deadpool immediately recognized it. "That's Doctor Strange's ring!"
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Bonus Chapter - 150 Power Stones
2nd Bonus Chapter - 300 Power Stones
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