The Going Merry docked at Whiskey Peak under a starry night sky, the island's quaint town glowing warmly with lantern light. The Straw Hats stepped onto the pier, greeted by a crowd of cheering townsfolk waving flags and holding platters of food.
"WELCOME, BRAVE PIRATES!" a man in a feathered hat bellowed. "PLEASE, ENJOY OUR FESTIVITIES!"
Luffy's eyes turned into literal stars. "FOOD! SHISHISHI!" He immediately dove face-first into a roasted boar.
Nami, still suspicious, eyed the townspeople. "This seems... too nice."
Usopp puffed out his chest. "Of course they're nice! They recognize greatness when they see it!"
Zoro's hand rested on his swords. "Or they're planning to stab us in our sleep."
Takuya, leaning against a barrel, smirked. "Why not both?" He popped a cookie into his mouth, watching as Mira was already surrounded by adoring townsfolk offering her gifts.
The Going Merry crew (minus Zoro) awoke groggily in their guest beds—only to find themselves tied to sturdy wooden chairs in a dim, candlelit basement.
The air smelled of damp stone and iron, a few droplets of blood (yes, actual blood—this is a fanfic after all) spattered across the floor from earlier... interrogations.
"W-WHAT THE HELL?!" Sanji roared, testing his restraints with a sharp jerk. His eyes flicked to the dried bloodstains nearby, then to the grinning townsfolk. "You bastards—!"
The "friendly" townsfolk now stood before them, weapons drawn, their previous warmth replaced with cold professionalism.
The feathered-hat leader twirled a knife between his fingers, the blade still smeared with red. "Sorry, pirates. But your bounties belong to us."
"BAROQUE WORKS?!" Nami gasped, her wrists straining against the ropes.
Usopp's face had gone sheet-white. "T-That's real blood on the floor, right?! That's not ketchup?! Oh god, oh god—"
Luffy, still riding the tail end of his sugar high, blinked slowly. "Ohhh! So this was a surprise party!"
"NO!" everyone screamed.
Takuya, tied up beside them, smirked—way too calm for someone in captivity. His fingers twitched subtly, a hidden lockpick already working at his ropes.
"Mmm. Cozy," he mused, eyeing the bloodstains with mild interest. "You guys really commit to the aesthetic, huh?"
The Baroque Works agent nearest to him frowned. "...Why aren't you panicking?"
Takuya's grin widened. "Because I wanted to get caught."
Silence.
Then—
CRASH!
The door exploded inward, revealing Zoro, silhouetted by moonlight, his three swords dripping crimson (again, fanfic liberties— so let's get dark). A trail of unconscious—or worse—bounty hunters littered the hallway behind him.
"Took you long enough," Zoro grunted, flicking blood off his blades.
Takuya sighed. "And here I was hoping to interrogate someone first." With a sharp twist, his ropes fell away, and he stood, rolling his shoulders.
Nami's eye twitched. "YOU COULD'VE FREED US ANYTIME?!"
"Where's the fun in that darling?" Takuya said, pulling a cookie from his pocket and taking a bite. "Besides, now we know who we're dealing with."
The Baroque Works agents collectively paled.
"W-Wait—" the leader stammered.
Takuya instantly stood up, disintegrating the ropes they had tied around him.
The basement air grew thick as Takuya advanced, his shadow stretching unnaturally across the bloodstained stone floor. The ropes that had bound him disintegrated into fine ash right in front of their eyes, swirling around his wrists like smoke before vanishing into nothingness.
"Now then," Takuya murmured, his voice smooth as poisoned honey, "give me one good reason why I shouldn't turn you all into cookies."
The Baroque Works leader's knife clattered to the floor. "Y-You can't do that!"
Takuya's grin sharpened. He turned slightly toward Luffy, who was still tied up but watching with wide, curious eyes.
"Hey, Luffy," Takuya said casually, "you still want to eat that meat-flavored cookie?"
Luffy's pupils dilated instantly. "MEAT COOKIE?! SHISHISHI! YES! GIMME!" He strained against his ropes like an overexcited puppy.
Takuya chuckled darkly, then turned back to the Baroque Works agents. "Guess I can finally make them for you."
Luffy nodded eagerly. "FINALLY! TAKUYA'S THE BEST! MEAT! COOKIES! MEAT COOKIES!"
The agents stared in horror as the realization dawned—he wasn't bluffing.
One burly bounty hunter, veins bulging in his forehead, stepped forward, fists clenched. "B-Bullshit! You're just trying to scare us! Nobody can turn a person into—"
Takuya's hand shot out, gripping the man's wrist.
"Let me demonstrate."
A pulse of eerie energy surged from Takuya's fingers. The man's skin rippled, his body convulsing violently as his very molecular structure began to warp. His screams turned garbled, his limbs stiffening, his flesh darkening—
—until, with a final CRUNCH, he collapsed onto the ground.
Not as a man.
But as a gigantic, human-sized cookie, shaped vaguely like his former self, with a terrified expression forever baked into its crispy surface.
Silence.
Then—
"WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!" Usopp shrieked, his voice cracking.
Nami's face drained of color. "H-Holy—"
Sanji's cigarette fell from his lips. "…Okay. That's new."
Zoro's eye twitched. "Tch. Messy."
Luffy, meanwhile, was practically vibrating with excitement. "WOAH! THAT'S SO COOL! CAN I EAT IT?!"
The remaining Baroque Works agents collapsed to their knees, their bravado shattered.
"WE'LL TALK! WE'LL TALK!" the leader screeched, snot and tears streaming down his face. "JUST DON'T TURN US INTO SNACKS!"
Takuya dusted off his hands, the dark energy fading from his fingertips. "Good. Start talking."
What followed was the fastest, most panicked info-dump in Grand Line history:
- "We're bounty hunters under Mr. 0!"
- "He wants the Straw Hats eliminated before you reach Alabasta!"
- "There's a princess hiding with you—Vivi! She's—"
"PRINCESS?!" Luffy gasped, suddenly paying attention. "WHERE? CAN WE KEEP HER?"
Nami kicked his chair. "FOCUS, LUFFY HE'S TELLING ABOUT A PRINCESS NOT A PET!" Nami yelled at Luffy as her expressions turned oni like.
Takuya tilted his head. "And this 'Mr. 0'... he's Crocodile, yes?"
The agents froze. "H-How did you—?!"
"Lucky guess," Takuya lied, pocketing the vial. "Now. Where's your nearest supply cache?"
The leader folded like a house of cards. "Third basement! Gold, weapons, Den Den Mushis—just please don't bake us!"
Ten minutes later:
- The Straw Hats were looting happily.
- The Baroque Works agents were tied up with their own ropes, gagged with their feathered hats.
- Mira was skipping through the treasure piles, humming.
Zoro eyed Takuya. "...You weren't really gonna turn them into cookies, were you?"
Takuya took a bite of an actual cookie. "Do you really want to know the answer?"
Zoro decided he didn't.
Nami, meanwhile, was glowing as she stuffed jewels into her bag. "Best. Capture. Ever."
---
### Meanwhile – Grand Line Entrance
The Marine battleship Searcher crashed through the calm belt, its hull reinforced for the turbulent Grand Line waters. On deck, Smoker stood with his arms crossed, his seastone jutte resting on his shoulder.
"Sir!" a lieutenant saluted. "We've received reports—the Straw Hats were spotted at Whiskey Peak!"
Smoker's teeth ground together, smoke billowing from his nostrils. "Set course. Full speed."
Tashigi adjusted her glasses. "Sir... are we sure we're ready for the Grand Line? The log pose hasn't even—"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE LOG POSE!" Smoker roared. "THAT DAMN BAKER IS HERE!"
A beat.
Tashigi sighed. "...Should we bring extra stomach medicine? In case we encounter more of his... cookies?"
Smoker's eye twitched. "JUST SAIL THE DAMN SHIP."
Back at Whiskey Peak
The Baroque Works agents lay in heaps, groaning. The Straw Hats stood victorious, though Luffy was now trying to wear a bounty hunter's feathered hat as a diaper.
Nami facepalmed. "Why are we like this?"
Takuya, flipping through a stolen Baroque Works ledger, chuckled. "Huh. They had a very detailed plan to assassinate us."
Mira peeked over his shoulder. "Aww~ They even drew little hearts next to my name~"
"THAT'S A TARGET SYMBOL, MIRA," Usopp wheezed.
Just then, Vivi burst onto the scene, gasping for breath. "PLEASE! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME—"
Luffy, now wearing three hats at once, grinned. "SHISHISHI! NEW FRIEND!"
Vivi skidded to a halt, her chest heaving as she took in the bizarre scene before her:
- Luffy, now wearing five feathered hats (three on his head, two inexplicably on his feet)
- The pile of groaning Baroque Works agents
- The human-shaped cookie lying forgotten in the corner
- Takuya casually flipping through confidential documents like a bored librarian
Her royal composure cracked. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!"
Nami sighed. "We get that a lot."
Vivi shook her head violently, her blue hair whipping around her face. "No time! Crocodile's going to destroy Alabasta—I need your help!"
Silence.
Then—
"ALABASTA?!" Luffy gasped, stars in his eyes. "THAT'S WHERE THE SUPER TASTY CAMELS LIVE!"
Zoro facepalmed. "That's not what she—"
"CAMEL MEAT?!" Sanji's leg shot out in a fiery kick toward Luffy's head. "DON'T EAT THE NATIONAL SYMBOLS, YOU IDIOT!"
Takuya snapped the ledger shut with a thud. "More importantly—Princess, does your kingdom have a royal bakery?"
Vivi blinked. "I—what?!"
Mira clapped her hands. "Ooooh~ Palace desserts~"
Usopp, who had been quietly hyperventilating since the cookie incident, finally snapped. "FOCUS! OUR LIVES ARE IN DANGER!"
Vivi took a deep breath, then dropped to her knees with a thud. "Please. I'll pay you anything. My kingdom is—"
Nami's eyes instantly morphed into Beri signs. "ANYTHING?!"
"NO!" Sanji swooned. "A PRINCESS MUST NEVER KNEEL—"
Zoro yawned. "We're going anyway. Luffy already decided."
Sure enough, Luffy had somehow acquired a Baroque Works flag and was now wearing it as a cape. "ADVENTURE TIME!"
Takuya sighed, tossing the ledger aside. "Guess we're overthrowing a Warlord. Mira, pack the special ingredients. We'll get to taste a warlord flavoured cookie."
Mira giggled, producing a vial of glowing powder. "One coup coming right up~"
Vivi paled. "What is that?!"
Usopp whispered: "You don't wanna know."
A/N: If my story brought even a hint of a smile to your face, drop a comment—I'd love to hear it! Knowing I brightened someone's day fuels my creativity! My only goal is to make people smile and find happiness in this dull world. Not to mention I want to reach Oda sensei's level of storytelling.
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