The Common Sense Condiment—Major Mustard, Chapter Three:
"Common Sense for Your Not-So-Average Thug (Shhhh... He's Just Sad That Y'all Sacrificed His Hugs!)"
Gangsters, Thugs, and Lazy Bums—Wake Up!
Yo, you wanna be badasses? Then quit sitting on your asses! Stop fighting each other like cats and dogs and stand together in silence until the world actually listens. You want a better future for your kids, right? Then stop being part of the problem. No more excuses—limbo won't save you from the mess you're in! You can't hustle your way out of a hole you keep digging deeper. If you're tired of being labeled, maybe try doing something worth a better label.
Dear Women: Real Talk
Ladies, I get it—I don't like your men staring at my ass either. But if you stopped selling it to them, maybe they'd look less. Not gonna lie, sometimes it helps—like when I need to cut the line or snag a free drink. Girl's gotta survive!
But if you're mad at me for your man's wandering eyes, maybe check who's shaking it for him on Instagram first. Can't help it if he's got the attention span of a TikTok squirrel. Don't hate the player, hate the algorithm.
Office Supplies & CIA Drama
Remember Friends? The toner guy ready to jump? That's basically the CIA in 1953—window shopping gone wrong. If you're about to lose it over office supplies, maybe get a new printer... or a new life. When I snap, it's a season finale—no reruns, just chaos.
#FriendsToner #TonerDrama #CIAHistory
Jodi Miller vs Jodi Arias: Good Job or Good Jop?
Jodi Miller kills it on AGT with her bit about guys being like cats—moody, aloof, emotionally unavailable—while women are like dogs, loyal and always in your business. Meanwhile, my dog hits puberty, his dick bleeds once, and suddenly he's got a PhD in mood swings—bitch for life!
Men? The real drama queens. They go from "I wanna bag her" to "put her in one" faster than my dog chasing his tail.
Flip the script, suddenly I'm the no-trial fugitive. Told my ex: no Area 51, my kids' buns are off-limits. Yeah, I know I'm a cunt. Should we escalate to AK or keep it light? Nah, not without a blue wall and a public lynching. And you wonder why Jodi Arias has a fan club—drama gets followers, not just felonies.
Joe Santagato, Limp or Limb?
Joe, if you insist on stupid, let me clarify:
Limp or limb, I'm good with either. Swing me, bitch! #joesantagato You rate DJ Sammy yet? Someone tell her to quicken her vagina—boutta be vin and no one's gonna tell your face! #cartel
Locked Up? More Like Locked Dumb:
Locked up? Please. The only cell you're in is the one you built with your own stupidity. Whining about being targets while cozy in your comfy prison? MKUltra didn't break you—you signed up to be a clueless host for a bigger dick scared to swim upstream. Not everyone drowns in undertows, but you? You're determined to sink with every dumb decision.
Playing Cartel? Nah, Just a Pawn:
Why play cartel? Taking 360 years for a murder you didn't do isn't justice or "turning the tables," it's just you being a pawn. Genius? Nope! You're better off with Drew Lynch as your GPS. Turn around! You're not smart, just loud. Cartels target nobody and everybody—just like you: all bluster, zero backbone.
CIA, Cartels, and Fake Hitmen:
When the CIA brought in the fake cartel hitman for NY CA, I thought, "Cool, who's he trying to be?" But nah, mole set up the whole thing. Felt violated—standards went up, down, and sideways all at once!
Being a Hoe: My Choice, My Truth
Thought being a hoe was my choice. Small town, broke, I owned it. But when my pussy finally told me the truth, I realized, "Wow, that's kinda nice." Then you Xis went and ruined it! WTF!
Consent: No Means No, Not Maybe
Consent by force isn't consent. No "two-for-one" confusion makes it right. Con$ent doesn't count when you're hustling slow-witted dicks with spare change and fake charm. Was Ellen born that way or forced into it? Either way, forgiveness isn't a coupon for idiots who keep slamming the same door.
Stop Wondering, Start Learning:
Stop wondering, start learning—before you embarrass yourself any further.
#gangster
BoW N Us S on G!
Soft kitty, cartel kitty,
Little ball of fur—
Sneaks across the border,
With a bag of... purr.
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,
Counting all that cash,
DEA comes knocking,
Kitty makes a dash.
If Jim Parsons sang this version on *The Big Bang Theory*, Sheldon would probably say,
"Penny, I asked for comfort, not a federal investigation!"
My cartel cat was prowling by the border wall,
Kept watch so long, poor kitty took a fall—
Bumped kitty… ohhh
Bumped kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat was hiding in a secret flat,
Waited so long, poor kitty got trapped—
Trapped kitty… ohhh
Bumped, trapped kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat was running from the DEA,
Ran so fast, poor kitty lost his way—
Lost kitty… ohhh
Bumped, trapped, lost kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat was counting all the cash,
Stacked so high, poor kitty made a dash—
Rich kitty… ohhh
Bumped, trapped, lost, rich kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My neighbor saw my kitty with a bag of snow,
I said to my neighbor, "Let my kitty go!"
Free kitty…
Bumped, trapped, lost, rich, free kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat tried to hide in a sombrero,
But sneezed so loud, blew his cover, oh no!
Sneezy kitty… ohhh
Sneezy, free kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat took a nap on a pile of cash,
Dreamed of tuna, woke up with a stash—
Sleepy kitty… ohhh
Sneezy, free, sleepy kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat tried to bribe the border guard,
Offered a fish, but got caught off guard—
Caught kitty… ohhh
Sneezy, free, sleepy, caught kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
My cartel cat escaped with a clever plan,
Rode a llama, now he's the man—
Llama kitty… ohhh
Sneezy, free, sleepy, caught, llama kitty…
Just a friendly little cat.
Here, kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty!
For more about Jim Parsons, visit his official site: [https://www.jimparsons.com](https://www.jimparsons.com)
For *The Big Bang Theory* show, visit: [https://www.cbs.com/shows/big_bang_theory/](https://www.cbs.com/shows/big_bang_theory/)