The artifact's glow pulsed with syrupy menace. A new inscription materialized on its crystalline surface:
"TRIAL INITIATED: THE BATTLE OF THE EX."
Jax narrowed his eyes. "That's got to be metaphorical."
Emily sighed. "It's never metaphorical."
With a flash of pink lightning, the world shifted. Their surroundings morphed into a stadium made of red velvet and flickering heart-shaped torches. Giant floating lips blew kisses over the crowd, and a cupid-shaped drone hovered nearby.
Rafe stepped back in horror. "What unholy rom-com did we just get dragged into?"
"Welcome to The Ex Games!" boomed a disembodied voice. "Where your past comes back to slap you in the face—emotionally and physically!"
Confetti exploded.
Entrance: Ace Solaris
Music blared. Spotlights swept the arena. A platform rose in the center, revealing a man in a fur-lined cape and leather pants, hair slicked back like he'd just stepped off a romance novel cover.
Emily groaned. "Oh no."
"Ace Solaris!" the announcer declared. "Actor, adventurer, licensed heartbreak consultant!"
Jax blinked. "You dated that?"
"Regrettably," Emily muttered.
Ace pointed dramatically at Emily. "You! You still look like a poem trapped in human form!"
Rafe made a gagging sound.
Ace's eyes slid to Jax. "And you are…?"
"Someone not wearing glitter armor."
Ace gasped. "This? This is star-forged ceremonial battlewear, thank you very much."
Emily stepped between them. "Let's just get this over with."
Round One: Trivia Combat
The host floated down, holding a heart-shaped tablet. "First round—Romantic Trivia Combat! Every wrong answer adds a new curse. Let's begin!"
"Question one: What's Emily's favorite dessert?"
Ace buzzed. "Crystallized moon nectar atop a candied lotus!"
BUZZ!
A fog of awkwardness descended over him.
Jax buzzed. "Half-melted chocolate chip ice cream, eaten with a fork."
DING!
Emily blushed. "Okay, that's obscure."
"Question two: What does she hum when anxious?"
Ace: "The 4th Arcanum Opera."
BUZZ! Jax: "The theme from Intergalactic Sumo Bake-Off."
DING!
Ace's armor wilted slightly.
Rafe called from the sidelines, "Did you ever actually listen to her?"
"I was busy serenading her!" Ace protested.
"Exactly," Emily deadpanned.
"Bonus round!" the host announced. "Name three items Emily never leaves home without."
Ace: "Mirror, potion gloss, and backup spotlight."
BUZZ!
Jax: "Tiny dagger, teleport crystal, and a crumpled ramen coupon."
DING DING DING!
The crowd of enchanted bobble-heads roared.
Round Two: The Duel of Dissonance
Two magical weapons appeared: a glitter glaive and a sarcasm sword. Naturally, Jax grabbed the sword.
The fight was fast, ridiculous, and wildly inappropriate for the setting. Heart-shaped fireworks erupted with every strike. Ace cartwheeled through the air, trailing rose petals. Jax blocked with dry wit and backhanded insults.
Ace screamed, "You'll never understand her the way I did!"
Jax parried. "I don't need to. I see her. All of her."
Emily blinked, visibly startled.
Ace's glaive faltered. The arena's lighting dimmed.
"ROUND TWO GOES TO JAX!" the announcer boomed.
Round Three: The Emotional Gauntlet
The floor shifted beneath them. A sprawling obstacle course appeared, filled with floating memories. Each contestant had to navigate their own emotional baggage without collapsing.
Ace was immediately tackled by a flashback of Emily dumping him via enchanted sticky note.
Jax stepped through scenes both awkward and sincere: their first failed mission, a shared laugh under exploding fireworks, the time Emily accidentally turned a monster into a moose.
The last memory hovered—a quiet one. Emily crying softly in the rain, Jax silently offering her a hoodie.
He stepped through it. The course vanished.
Ace was still arguing with a hologram of Emily.
Sudden Bonus Challenge: The Love Confession Karaoke-Off
The arena glowed again. "Surprise round!" the host announced gleefully. "KARAOKE TIME!"
A mic dropped from the sky. A stage rose, complete with fog machines and backup dancers conjured from glitter.
Ace went first, belting a soulful ballad called "Emily, You Are My Flame (And I'm Still Burnt)."
"Original composition," he whispered proudly.
Jax got up, clearly dreading it. "This is so dumb," he muttered. Then he sang—off-key but heartfelt—a goofy pop song they once danced to in a kitchen during a demon lockdown.
Emily laughed, teared up, and clapped.
"Point to Jax for sincerity and minimal ego," the host announced.
Ace collapsed, clutching his chest. "Defeated by authenticity! How novel!"
Post-Trial Heart-to-Heart
Confetti cannons erupted. A floating scoreboard lit up: JAX—4, ACE—0.
Ace collapsed on a fainting couch conjured by his own ego. "I may have lost, but I looked amazing doing it."
"True," Emily agreed.
Jax turned to her. "Why him?"
She shrugged. "I was young. He sparkled."
"I still sparkle," Ace muttered.
Emily stepped closer to Jax. "You didn't just fight him. You got me. That matters."
Jax smirked. "Does that mean I win the girlfriend award?"
Rafe coughed. "Let's not push our luck."
Unexpected Fourth Round: The Ex's Last Stand
Just when they thought it was over, Ace rose dramatically.
"I challenge you… to a dance-off!"
"What?" Jax and Emily said in unison.
Music blared. Ace began moonwalking across clouds of fog. Jax hesitated—then shrugged and started an aggressively mediocre cha-cha.
Emily watched, utterly mortified.
The arena judge appeared. "WINNER: NO ONE. HUMANITY LOSES."
Everyone groaned.
Bonus Bonus Round: Couples Counseling Showdown
A couch, two clipboards, and a fairy in glasses floated down.
"Today," the fairy said, "we'll explore emotional maturity and mutual respect."
Ace raised a hand. "What if I just monologue for 20 minutes?"
Jax crossed his arms. "Or we could do what real people do—communicate."
Emily nodded. "And actually listen."
The fairy scribbled. "Healthy responses. Bonus points."
Ace tried to argue, but the couch yeeted him gently off-screen.
Aftermath and Affection
Back in the calm glow of the artifact's chamber, Emily leaned against Jax.
"You were brave. And funny. And you didn't do finger guns even once."
"I thought about it," he said. "But I wanted to impress you."
She kissed his cheek.
Ace's voice echoed faintly from the distance. "I REGRET NOTHING!"
Emily smiled. "I regret him. But not this."
Rafe raised a flask. "To surviving cringe."
The artifact lit up again. New text appeared:
"NEXT TRIAL: THE HONEYMOON HEX."
Emily groaned. "We're not even dating yet."
Jax grinned. "One curse at a time."
To Be Continued…