The chamber warped around them. After surviving the Battle of the Ex, the artifact flared again and cast a pink-and-gold mist that thickened into tropical humidity. In an instant, Jax, Emily, and Rafe were standing on a sun-kissed beach with heart-shaped coconuts and suspiciously flirtatious seagulls.
The words appeared in the sky like a romantic ransom note:
"TRIAL INITIATED: HONEYMOON HEX. ENJOY ETERNAL PARADISE (OR ELSE)."
"Please tell me this isn't another couples' thing," Jax groaned.
"It's another couples' thing," Emily sighed.
Rafe sat under a palm tree and pulled out a cigar. "Let me know if anyone gets turned into a pineapple."
A Villa of Vexation
They were teleported into a luxurious seaside villa. White curtains fluttered in the breeze. The bed was absurdly heart-shaped. There was only one room.
Jax squinted. "This feels like we're about to be punished by the gods of awkward."
A brochure materialized in Emily's hand:
Welcome to Trial 13: Reconnect, Rekindle, or Be Forever Banished. Daily Couple Challenges Await!
Challenge One: Breakfast in Bed—with a Side of Mind Control.
Challenge Two: The Trust Fall Tower (now with anti-gravity).
Challenge Three: The Truth Spa (where hot stones reveal your inner shame).
Challenge Four: Candlelit Combat Yoga.
Challenge Five: Bake Your Feelings Into a Love Cake.
"Let's die now," Emily muttered.
Breakfast in Bed: Chaos à la Mode
They were forced into floral aprons and deposited into a giant kitchen with ingredients labeled things like "Dragonfruit Essence of Lust" and "Whipped Cloud Cream of Desire."
Jax picked up a bottle. "Do we know if this will explode or just make someone fall in love with a toaster?"
"I'm hoping both," Emily replied.
As they scrambled to make breakfast, the stove developed sentience and critiqued their technique.
"Too much zest!" it yelled. "Where's the passion in your plating?"
"Do you want eggs or existential dread?" Jax snapped.
Eventually, they presented their meal. A floating judge named Gordon Lamsey (a half-lamb, half-sorcerer hybrid) took a bite and burst into confetti.
"Surprisingly edible," he declared. "But lacking emotional flavor. Try again later."
"Next time," Jax grumbled, "we feed it to the ocean."
The Trust Fall Tower
A spiral tower of rainbow platforms stretched into the clouds. The rule was simple: fall, trust your partner to catch you—while gravity took unpredictable holidays.
Jax looked over the edge. "This is not how relationships work."
Emily pushed him.
He screamed all the way down.
To her credit, she did catch him—with a teleportation bubble at the last second. He landed on a pile of pink marshmallows.
"See?" she said. "I trust you to scream stylishly."
They switched roles. Emily dove backward with grace. Jax panicked and tried to throw a net.
"NOT HELPING!" she shouted.
Eventually, they landed on each other and rolled into a tangle of limbs and blushes.
"Let's never do therapy like this again," Emily groaned.
"Agreed," Jax said, his voice muffled in her shoulder.
The Truth Spa
It was tranquil. Suspiciously so.
They lay side by side on heated beds while enchanted hot stones settled on their backs.
"Let the truth rise," whispered a voice. "No lies. No masks."
The stones glowed.
"I'm terrified of how much I like you," Jax said suddenly. "I've tried to play it cool, but every time you yell at me, I want to kiss you."
Emily blinked. "I almost turned you into a possum two missions ago."
"I would've made a handsome possum."
"I kissed Ace because I thought he was safe. I didn't think I deserved real feelings."
Jax turned. "You deserve better than safe. You deserve choice."
She met his eyes. "And I'm choosing you."
The spa glowed brighter. Then exploded into glitter.
Rafe poked his head in. "Y'all confess or combust?"
"Both," Emily said.
Candlelit Combat Yoga
They were handed spandex suits and led into a dojo covered in rose petals.
"Inhale trust. Exhale ego. And maybe dodge the flaming knives," said the instructor, a centaur named Fiona.
Each yoga pose triggered a ridiculous spell. Downward dog released lightning. Cobra summoned snakes. Warrior pose? Literal spectral warriors appeared and challenged them to interpretive dance duels.
Jax flopped in a pile of mats. "I'm going to pull a love muscle."
Emily, panting, wiped sweat from her brow. "I think I sprained my sarcasm."
They ended in the 'Final Pose of Eternal Gaze,' which required intense eye contact for five uninterrupted minutes.
At first, they laughed.
Then they stared.
Then the world softened.
No explosions. No shouting. Just... peace.
"I love you," Jax whispered.
Emily blinked. "Say that again when we're not both leaking glitter."
"I will. Every day."
Bake Your Feelings Into a Love Cake
The final challenge: infuse a cake with their bond.
"I'm emotionally constipated," Jax said. "Can we make brownies instead?"
"Nope. Cake or heartbreak," Emily replied.
They stirred laughter into the batter, kneaded shared trauma into the dough, and folded awkward confessions into the icing.
The oven hummed like a content dragon.
When they pulled the cake out, it glowed gold and sang a little ballad about compromise.
The judges, including Carl the Romantic Reaper, all clapped.
"This is what true connection tastes like," Carl said, tears soaking his bones.
The villa shifted again.
A Date with Death… Literally
They returned to the villa. Everything seemed peaceful until a new challenge emerged:
Dinner for Two… With DEATH.
A cloaked skeleton in a tuxedo stood at a candlelit table.
"I am Carl, the Romantic Reaper," he said. "Let's discuss eternity over fondue."
They sat, utterly confused, as Carl fed them cheese and asked relationship questions.
"What's your biggest insecurity?"
"What makes your heart beat faster?"
"What's your OTP?"
By the end, Carl dabbed at nonexistent tears. "You two are disgustingly charming. I haven't seen chemistry like this since Bonnie and Cyborg Clyde."
He offered a gift: a bone-shaped key.
"For unlocking future emotional doors. And possibly dungeons."
"Thanks, Carl," Jax said.
"Death bless," Carl replied.
The Final Test: Survive the Honeymoon Curse
The artifact flared one final time. The villa morphed into a storm of pink chaos. Heartbeasts—creatures made of love and rage—descended, hurling pillows that exploded with memory flashes.
Emily tackled one and got a vision of their first meeting: Jax running from a fire he started by accident. She smiled.
Jax punched a beast and saw Emily slashing through enemies like a goddess in boots. He melted.
They fought side by side, throwing puns and lightning.
"You're the most dangerous thing in my life!" Jax shouted.
"Good!" Emily yelled, frying three heartbeasts. "You're the reason I carry extra headache potions!"
The final beast, massive and gooey, launched a wave of romantic flashbacks. They saw every moment that led to this—pain, laughter, banter, confessions.
They stood together. Took each other's hand.
"Ready?" she asked.
"With you?" he said. "Always."
They kissed.
A massive explosion of light and sarcasm annihilated the monster.
Victory... and Vibes
The artifact quieted.
They lay on the sand, covered in glitter and goo.
"Trial complete," the sky said. "Congratulations. Your compatibility is 87%—slightly dysfunctional but weirdly effective."
Rafe wandered over. "Did you two break reality with a kiss?"
"Maybe," Emily said.
Jax grinned. "Worth it."
They looked up. A shooting star spelled out: "NEXT TRIAL: FAMILY DINNER NIGHTMARE."
Emily groaned.
"I'm meeting your mom?" Jax asked.
"No," she said. "You're meeting my grandma. She's a vampire warlord."
He blinked. "Coolcoolcool."
To Be Continued...