The Cowardly Boy
He crashed—or rather, slammed—into a corpse, his whole body wracked with pain as if it had fallen apart.
But thanks to that pain, Subaru was completely awake.
And then he understood.
It was only by chance that he had appeared in the middle of a battlefield between two monsters and hadn't noticed the ongoing war.
The battle hadn't ended yet.
Seeing the countless blood-drenched savages around him, Subaru instinctively started running, fleeing from the mansion.
Subaru ran through the gates of the mansion in a daze.
He could feel the clashing of blades behind him growing fainter and fainter.
Maybe the fighting was nearing its end, or perhaps the sound just couldn't travel that far.
Either way, Subaru didn't have the courage to look back.
"What can I do... What else can I do?"
Subaru asked himself, tears of regret welling in his eyes.
He was too weak. Far too weak.
If only he had... Subaru thought of the girl—and suddenly realized he had once again betrayed her kindness.
He ran blindly forward, head down, for who knows how long. Then he tripped and fell to the ground.
"Why did it turn out like this? Where did I go wrong? What do I have to do to be allowed to live peacefully in this world?"
"Even though... it was so fun before..."
Suddenly summoned to a different world, forced to survive in a place he knew nothing about.
In this world, where only anxiety had taken root, only that mansion had accepted him with peace and kindness.
Those days, that time, that single week he had spent there—now felt so distant, so dear to the present Subaru.
– Should I go back to the mansion? Or try again?
– Why should I try so hard?
—For Reinhild?
—That perfect girl, that invincible girl, does she really need my help?
—For the mansion's servants?
—Why should I work so hard for people who don't even trust me?
The voice urging him to give up was sweetly tempting. As long as people have excuses, they will create and choose the option most favorable to themselves.
Subaru didn't feel he was wrong.
After all, isn't that just how humans are?
Subaru looked at the forest and suddenly remembered his last death. The moment of death. Then a third option clearly surfaced in his mind.
"If I just die..."
Saying it out loud clearly, Subaru suddenly felt it was a brilliant plan, and a smile crept to his lips.
If dying means starting over, he would return to the first day at the mansion and begin again, right?
If he went back to that first day, Reinhild and the others would be there.
Subaru would be a servant of the mansion, calmly interacting with everyone.
Then on the night of the seventh day, he would fall asleep and die again.
He could repeat that cycle, over and over, until the limit of his Return by Death was reached.
He could immerse himself in those peaceful days forever.
Yes, the first death didn't hurt at all.
If he was greedy, he could even just repeat that cycle.
What a good idea. There's no better salvation than that.
Of course, even just dying wouldn't be bad.
After all, death could free him from this endless hell, right?
And would anyone grieve his death? It wouldn't matter if someone like him died.
Ah, maybe Reinhild would.
But since so many people died this time, adding himself to the number wouldn't change anything.
Subaru got back up and looked around, then smiled.
"...A cliff."
What a perfectly timed divine arrangement.
Subaru was convinced that this was heaven granting peace to his foolish, pitiful self.
He staggered to his feet and walked toward the cliff, as if being invited.
The wind was strong, blowing directly at him and lifting his clothes.
Subaru stood on the cliff's edge, looking up at the blue sky.
At the bottom of the cliff were rows of sharp rock faces.
Around ten meters down was a wide rocky area. If he fell from that height, there's no way he'd survive.
"Ah...Ah...Ah..."
Gazing at the bare rocks below, he vividly imagined his gruesome death.
The heartbeat he had forgotten returned.
His guts twisted, his breathing turned erratic, and sweat drenched his entire body.
He felt unbearably cold.
Subaru shut his eyes.
– Just like this, if I close my eyes and take one step forward, it'll all be over.
But standing on the cliff, Subaru's body wouldn't move at all.
Only his knees were trembling, as if begging him.
He reached out to try to stop the shaking, but as he bent down, his knees gave out, and he lost his balance.
His pose looked like he was bowing to the sky. Subaru bit his lip in frustration over his miserable self.
"Just one more step... And I can't even... do something that simple..."
– Because I lack the courage, I can't do it.
His resolve and determination were laughably fragile.
That was Subaru now—crouched down, crying.
He didn't even know the meaning of being alive, yet feared death too much to take his own life.
How pitiful, how shameful he was.
Clawing at the ground, Subaru groaned.
Until his strength ran out, he kept crying over his misery, drowning in regret.
When an image floated up in his mind unconsciously, Subaru thought he was having a nightmare.
In a brightly lit room, Old Man Rom was waiting for him with drinks.
Emilia was holding a book, waiting for him.
Felt was tugging at her dress.
Reinhild stood beside her, smiling wryly.
Without meaning to, Subaru smiled.
—He had such a warm, happy dream.
Then Subaru woke up, as if falling from the sky to the ground, gasping for breath.
"You finally woke up."
Subaru looked up and realized it was already daytime.
Standing in front of him was Bernie, covered in blood.
"Do you have anything to explain?"
"Explain?"
"I'll change the question. Which factions were involved in this attack?"
"I don't know."
"How long are you going to keep pretending?
I saw it with my own eyes—how the Witch Cultists shielded your escape with their lives.
I confirmed it was you who opened the shelter's door from the inside.
Not long after you left, the cultists invaded the shelter.
And the poison, that was your doing too, wasn't it? Answer me."
Once again lifted into the air, Subaru struggled violently, but he couldn't break free from Bernie's grasp.
His consciousness began to fade from lack of oxygen.
Just then, Subaru was dropped to the ground.
"If you feel like talking, then speak."
Subaru was left in the darkness.
His vision was engulfed in black.
He couldn't hear any sound.
No figures in sight.
Even stretching his hands out, he couldn't tell if he was touching the ground or a wall—an oppressive numbness spread unchecked.
In that instant, Subaru understood.
He had fallen into a shroud.
Though he wasn't certain, judging by the pain in his throat, he must have screamed very loudly.
Farther, farther, Subaru hoped his voice could penetrate this empty nothingness.
But he received no response.
He couldn't tell how much time had passed.
He couldn't sense anything from the outside world.
Only his spirit was continuously being worn away.