Subaru's Life in Japan
Subaru lay in bed, staring at the familiar yet unfamiliar ceiling.
Although he had decided to talk with his parents, he realized he didn't know how to start the conversation.
Seeking a trigger for dialogue, Subaru began rummaging through his room and found it—a photo album of himself, now covered in dust.
If Subaru were to evaluate his life in Japan from his current perspective, he would say it had been a life of failure, brought about by arrogance and inferiority.
Looking at photos from his childhood, Subaru remembered that he had matured faster than his peers when he was younger.
He could run faster, was smarter than other children his age, and naturally became the center of attention around him.
"As expected of that person's child," people often said about him.
The adults around him frequently spoke those words.
He knew "that person" referred to his father, so those words filled his young self with pride. To him, a father who was always the center of attention was the greatest existence of all.
—I wanted to become like my father. I wanted to continue being like my father.
Looking at the smiling, happy child in the photo, Subaru recalled his old dream.
Half the album was filled with childhood photos, each one showing Subaru with a joyful smile, surrounded by countless friends also smiling.
Eventually, Subaru's hand stopped on one particular photo—one where he was crying.
"I must've lost a race to someone. That was probably the moment when the things I used to be best at started becoming things I couldn't win at.
Someone faster than me showed up.
Someone quicker at solving problems appeared.
The number of things I was best at began to decrease.
I noticed it slowly slipping away, and I found that strange."
"Looking back now, I was really arrogant."
Subaru muttered, reflecting as he looked at his crying self.
He now understood that he wasn't some kind of chosen one.
In fact, nobody could be the best at everything.
Even Reinhild, admired as the perfect knight, once felt jealousy toward Julius.
Reinhild herself couldn't use healing magic, and Felix, the best in healing, couldn't win in a sword fight against Subaru.
Subaru, who others thought was omniscient, was only that way because he had the cheat of "Return by Death."
Yet at that time, the phrase "As expected of that person's child" was the only thing giving the anxious Subaru hope.
The photos started to show a more and more disheveled Subaru.
He remembered how, to preserve that misguided pride, he had desperately tried to maintain appearances.
He would take on the scary or unpleasant tasks that no one else wanted, doing foolish things just to protect himself.
"Because I was Natsuki Kenichi's son, I had to be braver, freer, and more bold than anyone else. I had to remain someone everyone admired."
As the injuries in the photos increased and the number of friends decreased, Subaru remembered how his parents had shown rare expressions of worry.
After all, his behavior had become more extreme, all because he didn't want to be seen as a coward.
"Because I kept trying to do things, everything I did eventually turned out terribly."
Looking at a photo of himself covered in injuries, with a cold expression and nobody around him, Subaru understood—it was obvious.
He had alienated everyone by being inconsiderate. He had lost all of his companions.
The phrase "As expected of that person's child"—once something that filled Subaru with pride and energy—had eventually become a curse.
"Just walking around the town, you'd see traces of my father everywhere."
Subaru remembered how the outside world gradually became a terrifying place for him.
He didn't want people to think he was a coward afraid of the world.
He feared that any bad reputation he earned would dishonor his father.
What scared him most was that his great father might be deeply disappointed in him.
"Even though I was always loved."
Subaru realized that fear had stemmed from his own sense of inferiority.
If only he had observed his parents' expressions more carefully, he would've known.
But what kind of child, after doing something wrong, has the courage to face their parents?
The photos became more ordinary.
At school, Subaru was quiet and low-key, like a weed growing in the shade.
Only at home could he regain the sense of freedom he used to have.
After returning from school, he would tell stories of heroic deeds that made his mother smile while she did housework, and his father—coming home tired from work—would also smile.
Just like that, he wasted most of his elementary and middle school years trying to maintain that web of lies.
Subaru fabricated a persona called "Natsuki Subaru."
"Thinking about it now, it was such a gloomy way to live. But thanks to that, I was able to get through elementary and middle school without issue."
Only a few pages later, there was a picture of Subaru standing at the gate of a high school.
In order to stop living as "Natsuki Kenichi's son" and to build new, unknown relationships, he had chosen to attend a prestigious local high school.
"But someone who never built genuine relationships in elementary or middle school… when thrown into a crowd of strangers, how could he handle the anxiety? He panicked and did random things. And the result… well, it's obvious."
As expected, it ended in failure.
For someone like Subaru, who was closed-off, the only way he knew how to build relationships in a new environment was by imitating his father.
He remembered that on the very first day, people labeled him as someone who couldn't read the room, a weirdo.
After that, he spent a long time being isolated. Then, one morning, Subaru suddenly didn't want to go to school anymore.
"Although I wasn't bullied, the feeling of being ignored was incredibly painful.
My parents happened to be out that day, and I just couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. Time I would usually wake up had long passed, and when I finally noticed, it was almost noon.
After that initial panic passed, I felt a strange sense of relief.
From skipping once a week, it became every three days.
Before long, I was skipping school every two days… and within two months, I stopped going entirely."
Wracked by guilt and self-loathing, Subaru looked up and wiped away the tears forming in his eyes with his sleeve—only to notice Kenichi standing at the door.
"A guy like me… isn't your son. I used to hope I'd be abandoned."
—That was the true, subconscious feeling he had never admitted, even to himself.
The old Subaru had believed that he wasn't worthy of being Natsuki Kenichi's son, and deep down, he had wished to be freed from that pressure.
"I'm sorry for making you worry. I'm okay now."
Subaru looked at Kenichi and said it clearly.
"I see… Don't keep making us worry like that, alright!"
As if he had sensed the change in Subaru, Kenichi smiled with relief.
"Yeah. I'm not that kid anymore—the one who just curled up in his room, hiding from everything."