Sympathy.
Never been familiar with that word. If I were him, I would jump off the bed and leave from the room. But he took that all and said to me not to take it in that way I have already taken!
It was a matter, I always proved myself wrong. Instant-feedback all the time instantly kick me.
He was waiting for my response while I was thinking about it. I closed my eyes, thought a bit, and said, "Alright, if you are telling me to take it normally when you are saying that you took it normally, I can. But I repeat, you are just showing. You take it normally, but deep down, I feel how you have felt that time. And yes, I do not want to extend that matter more. Sorry if I said long."
He was looking at me. His face clearly showed me that he didn't want to extend that thing, too. "Alright. But- yeah, okay." It was the clear outcome of my thinking. I thought he would go to convince me again. Thank God he didn't. I wanted my answer as I asked him again, "So, what do you wish for?" It was a ritual of wedding as I had faith that he would answer to it. He turned his face and looked at another side.
It was a few seconds later, when he opened his mouth. I didn't move my eyes off him. I lost my mind, but I still don't know why. I was desperately waiting for his answer. It will be the only way to prove myself. "Actually, I-" He stops first. I was counting his hesitations.
Thinking, it was as serious as my mind was saying. "I want, I want you- to, to trust me." He said one dubious line. "What?" I quietly showed my doubt, afraiding if it becomes louder.
I do not know what HE was thinking. That I could not hear what he said or I was like, nobody wants it. Fix your wish to remain it as a WISH forever. I got no clue.
"I said. Will you trust me? I mean, you asked what I wanted. So, I answered what I wanted. Trust, I want your trust." I never seen those insane humans in my entire life.
Trust? Why so lame thing. Trust is easy to do. Easy to break. Why was he wishing the EASY material from me? Still letting me feel, I do not have the ability to give his deservation. That's why he is asking a silly thing from me.
"Is it actually a thing to wish?" I asked as I wanted sufficient clearance. He can not insult me. He looks at me with tears again. I was shocked after seeing him. What was the thing punishing him? I was not in a position to ask him those. Only clearance would help. "Just say you will trust me." I could not take the voice of him. Why does it sound like he desperately needs it? or desperately needs a company? Or, he will die. My tensions increased. He is now confusing me.
Minutes ago, I thought it was me for his thousand tears. Minutes after, I am feeling like I did a very little thing to him. It was nothing but a piece of paper. Something bad had already been happened to him. I was not guessing it all. I was seeing it, witnessing it all. All over his face. All between us.
He was watching me, looking at him right in the eyes. I do not know, actually, what to say next. A big yes? Why do on earth someone would ask for trust if he knew I was somehow an unfamiliar person to his life, too? If I say yes, what will he do with it? I never had me thinking lots of questions and facing the position of no right of asking also.
I do not know why I noticed so much pain. So much that I did not, when we were getting married, when we were signing those papers, when we were giving the the promises. Even not when I shouted over him. Although he cried that time, it was less than the present moment. Only tears are not the reflection of pain. I know that.
Corner of my heart knows it was a painful weight he was saving in himself, bearing it in his whole life. What is it?