I was North to my brother's South, yet it felt like someone had strung a tight rope between us, forcing us to commune. Everyone ate their meals with held breaths. My brother didn't even dare start up a conversation. I was no better either. The noises of the cutleries filled the room. Enin dropped her spoon and everything stopped at once.
"Sorry"
She spoke.
"It's fine"
It was ever the only time he talked. His deep voice echoing in the room.
I couldn't look at his face and be. Thirteen years ago he had saved me from a cult out in the woods and I ended up seeing a side of him I couldn't unsee. He killed them all. He ripped them all apart. The smell of blood was still fresh in my nose and the crack of every bone, yelled in my ear. My breath shortened and I excused myself from the table.
Fuck! Where were the cigarettes when you needed one. I checked my back pockets. A cigarette came into view, at the right moment. I looked up to find Sobul. He gestured at the lighter.
I huffed and took it. Taking a drag himself.
"Let's talk about the birds and the bees"
I laughed.
"You're weird."
He feigned a heartbreak. I shoved my other hand in my pocket so he won't see the tremble. I threw the cigarette and cursed.
"Days are counted. Time is merciless"
He said and went back inside. It was true, with my brother's line of job, it was true. But maybe tomorrow. Maybe someday.
I lit a lamp instead of switching on the lights and kept it on the side of the papers I had collected for this discussion. Enin and Ilira sat on the other end of the desk, Sobul and Abhay sat on the opposite sides and I stood in front of Enin and Ilira.
The plan started from there.
"This is the main location where King Artraxes found the treasures, in Ne'oni. It was during the Soulstar war that half the written scripts were lost during shipment in India. If only I could find those scripts, we'll be able to connect with the coordinates we have gathered so far. It would be the last pair and we would be visiting a land unseen and unauthorised by the government"
"But where?"
Abhay raised the question.
There was only one place where the scripts could be— My brother's library where no one was allowed and no one saw.
During the war, a mountain of documents was given to my grandfather. He hid it here in this very place. He was the governor of Britain during that time, before he married my grandma. Then my father took over and now, my brother.
"I know the place"
The scent of incense filled my nostrils and my ears rung with chants. My chest constricted and fear got a hold on me, when I was just ten steps into the forest.
"We can search for you"
I shook my head. They were rightly worried for me, but this was my battle I needed to fight. I smiled and tried to make things light.
They played along.
They didn't try talk me out of this anymore,and I felt fortunate for that. I took them towards where the old library would be and when we reached, I ta-da'd.
"There's nothing here"
Sobul said.
They squinted and scrunched but slowly, the realisation sunk in.
I started searching the trees, the branches, the dirt, anything and everything. Something as mundane as picking off branches felt enjoyable with them. Ilira picked up some dirt and tossed it at Sobul, while Enin and Abhay put branches on my shirt. At long last, we found a wooden board on the ground with hinges, joined to the wooden planks. I smiled, a tunnel.
Abhay, Sobul and me pried it open and dust flew everywhere.
"Holy, this is amazing"
Indeed, it was. Enin craned her head to look at the tunnel, when Sobul threatened to push her down. She screamed. Ilira shook her head, looking at us all with disgust on her face. I laughed and smeared her face with the dirt in my hand, making me run a marathon not to get caught by her, but where else could you go from cat woman.
"Ow!"
She hit the back of my head, hard. It was when night started approaching, I started panicking again.
We decided to wrap it up for tonight and leave. I took the pill when there was an order from my brother through the servant to meet as soon as I reached the mansion. I winced. Had he known?
Like a molten lava, nobody dared to set foot in the entire hallway where my brother's study and his room resided. My feet felt heavy walking up the distance and knocking on the door.
"Enter"
He stood with his back to me, wearing a grey suit and golden glasses.
"I recall snooping around wasn't one of the reasons you were here?"
I couldn't look at his face, yet. Breathe in, breathe out. I heard him sigh.
"At least cast a glance"
He said, his tone edged with a dash of desperation. We were half-brothers, but once upon a time, he was my spiderman. I tried, but the pain seeped in the holes, just because I couldn't let go of an image in my head.
From that night, I had sleepless nights, triggered every time by his presence.
"Forget it. If, by any chance, you'd need help with your snooping around, I'll be right here"
I ran through the hallways and took a deep breath.
My psychiatrist said it wouldn't be long, till then, guess it was a goodbye.
"How was it?"
Abhay asked once I entered the balcony. I shrugged. He huffed and offered me some fried fritters.
"You see that, that over there?"
I pointed out at the nearest distance towards the forest where we could see a lantern lit up. He nodded his head. It was something me and my brother had built. I turned towards him.
"Will things ever be the same?"
"Trauma works different for everyone. Some people get over it faster by facing them. Some takes time"