It is the first day starting at the academy and I am in my uniform. The novel begins here at this academy. Everything I was wanting to avoid is within these walls. My servants already brought my clothes and other belongings to my dorm room already even though I was more than able to do that myself. That is not proper for a lady of a noble house though. All this 'proper this proper that'. Proper bullshit is more like it. The academy is a series of different elegant brick buildings with vines growing on some of the walls. They have a fountain in the round-about for carriages and there is a flower bed around the fountain. Seems like a perfect backdrop for a shitty romance novel.
I go to the academy office immediately because I am curious and I wanted to do this without my parents in tow since they would probably not like me making a stink out of this here. Before the opening ceremony I want to talk to someone to see if I can wear the boy's uniform instead. These skirts are way too short for me and I would feel way more comfortable in pants. Not like these skirts are inappropriate by any means. I get in the office and see some faculty members. I approach them and greet them, "Good morning, I was wondering if I could maybe ask a question about my uniform." The faculty member greeted me with a smile, "Sure thing Miss Treece. What is your question?" I take a deep breath since I am very nervous asking this in this setting, "Can I wear the boy's uniform instead of the girl's uniform?"
The faculty member laughed then immediately covered their mouth, "I am sorry Miss Treece, that question caught me off guard. No you cannot wear the boy's uniform." Perplexed and my stomach is knotting up, "May I ask why?" The faculty member says, "It isn't right for a woman to dress in pants." Now really perplexed and stomach in further knots, "I am confused. Why isn't it right? So at this institution you want the girls to feel forced to wear things that boys can look up to see their undergarments and refuse to give them gender neutral and more appropriate attire for a learning setting? I thought you wanted your students to feel comfortable and safe while learning at this academy or do you want me to leave and take my father's donation with me?" I exhale as saying that was a lot with the nerves I feel, but I try to not let it show on my face. The faculty member starts backstroking, "Oh no, that won't be necessary. I am sure nobody will mind if you wear the boys uniform. Like you said it is more gender neutral for the students right? Ha ha." They say with a half-hearted laugh at the end. It appears they really don't want to lose that money.
It also appears like they don't like me at all. They continue after rummaging in a uniform drawer wearing a familiar look of displeasure that I am very used to in this life, "Here is a uniform that should fit you. Here are more you can change into in the same size. Please hurry and change so you don't miss the opening ceremony." I smile and say as the knots in my stomach start untying themselves, "Thank you so much. Have a great rest of your day." I turn around to see Rose. I instantly recognize that beautifully wild red hair and those gorgeous hazel eyes looking at me with her mouth wide open in an emotion I don't recognize. She is so beautiful to see in person with her bespeckled face and I find myself looking at her lips that are still open. I have never wanted to kiss a stranger in this life as much as I do at this moment. I am not a creeper though. I don't want to disrespect her boundaries here.
Though something feels weird. I feel really gross right now. It feels like I am losing control of myself. The closer I get to her, the grosser I feel. Something is now controlling everything I do and I can't stop it. I approach her and shove her aside with the hand not holding the uniforms while saying harshly, "Move aside commoner, you are in my way." The moment I shoved her away from me I put my hand to my mouth in shock and I ran away. What the actual fuck was that? I never wanted to hurt her or say anything harmful yet I did both just now. The creator is very cruel. I will just have to avoid Rose from now on. Why give me knowledge of what is going to happen if I can't change it? What kind of fucked up being does that? Did my soul do something terrible in my life before my last that I am paying penance for? What did I do to deserve this? I run to where the changing rooms are for girls from what I remember from the tour with my parents and the staff a few months ago. I change while trying my best not to cry, taking many shaky breaths. I just basically got confirmation in a brief interaction that I will definitely die a premature death all for the sake of telling a dumb story. I don't want my death to be just because of a story. I want my death to be random or by my choosing. Ha. 'My choosing'? Yes, if I can't run away from this garbage story I will just kill myself. This will be the only way to protect Rose from the creator. The creator can't use my body to torment her if I am already dead. They will just have to find another antagonist for their precious story. I don't have much time to think at the moment since I am in a rush.
I got my boy's uniform on and I ran to the ceremony hall where they are holding the opening ceremony and I barely made it in time. I take a seat near the back and they start spouting off some generic mumbo jumbo about how great this school is and the great things they expect from us and how they can't wait to see how we grow. It seemed very much like a generic entrance ceremony for first-year freshmen. I just put the 'speakers' processing audio on mute in my head and was in my own little world thinking about my destined death and how I want to die. I think I want to try hanging myself or jumping off the top of the clock tower. Those are my top two choices at the moment. I know if I buy poison the creator will force me to use it on Rose and I want to avoid that at all costs. That was the event that was the catalyst for the execution. I am leaning towards hanging since that is cleaner and I won't have to worry about my blood possibly ruining my suicide note I will be writing later.
At the end everyone started moving and I had no idea what was going on. I ask the person next to me, "Hey what is happening right now, I wasn't paying attention." They scoff, "Of course the rich girl dressing in drag wasn't paying attention. We are going to our homeroom classes." I scoff back, "You didn't have to be an asshole about it. Whatever. Tsk." I walk away and head to class. Saying things like this probably won't help my villainess image, but they were the ones that started it. This is just straight bull shit. I don't care if everyone thinks I am a terrible person. I am just more of a prickly person in this life in general though since everyone has a way of getting on my nerves. I just don't want to hurt people even if my tone says otherwise. I just hope I don't run into Rose again. I felt disgusting when she was close to me. That feeling of not being in control of my own body like some other entity was in control was sickening. I just want to throw up just thinking about it. I never want to feel that way again.
I get to class and see Rose is sitting in the front. I take this chance to sit in the very back of the class. I just want to fade out of existence. That would be best for everyone. I think I will wait for everyone to return to their dorms then go somewhere quiet to hang myself. The two girls that were Violet's posse in the book approach me before the professor comes in. I sigh knowing that they will make my plans harder. Their names are Mia and Heather Griffin and they are cousins from families my parents associate with so we spent a lot of time together. Mia has shoulder length brown hair and Heather has long blonde hair, but other than that they look and act as siblings would. They know who I am as a person, but are also very committed to me as a person and will take my side no matter what. At least they did in the book. I guess it is nice to have some people in my corner, but what can we do to fight against this world's creator? I don't have any special abilities and I have no way of knowing how to survive this world. How can I escape a certain death when I can't change the events leading up to it?
As they take the seats on my sides, Heather says, "Wow, Violet, you look rather dashing in the boy's uniform." Mia says, "So dashing. If you were a man, I would have sat in your lap and would have tried to steal a kiss." A boy with swooshy black hair says, wearing an unfamiliar yet unpleasant face, "You can come sit in my lap anytime." Mia then says with what I assume is a face of disgust, "Gross, this is why Violet is better than you losers." Mia stands up and then proceeds to sit in my lap and then she kisses me on the cheek. The boys groan and the professor walks in at this point and scolds Mia to take her own seat. I am blushing at the interaction since I wasn't expecting anything like this today. I know Mia doesn't like girls but she is still very pretty and she just kissed my cheek. I look up to the front of the class and see Rose looking at me with a weird face. I avert my gaze immediately and my face gets even redder.
I will just try my hardest to say what I really want to say to Rose, but what if that disgusting feeling happens again? I hope I don't see her before I take my life. I have a feeling she, being the protagonist, will probably find a way to save me or some bullshit like that. Knowing the creator, they have to make it for the story. I just really hope I can successfully kill myself. Since Mia and Heather are in my class too things will be more difficult. I have to find a way to ditch them later. They sat on both sides of me in a way that from the outside they may have been seen as a shield for me, but for me at this moment they are hurdles. I have to bypass them in order to achieve my end goal and they would most definitely get in my way if they knew what my plans were.
When classes are over I stay in my seat pretending to read my textbook as if I am studying waiting for people to leave and go to their dorms. I have made my preparations throughout the school day and I am ready to take my life. Mia and Heather who were also staying with me were also reading textbooks and studying. Following my example. I can tell Mia is getting bored though because she is sighing a lot and tapping her pen a lot. I then think of a way to ditch these two, "I am starting to feel a little light headed. Could you two maybe go get me something to drink and a snack? I am sorry I know you are not servants and I don't mean to treat you as such." They put their hands up in a 'no sweat' manner, "We know how you feel about us and you are too good of a person to treat people like that. We will be right back, don't move." Sorry, going to have to disobey you on that one. I wait until they are gone and then I stealthily move out of the room and head to the storage room here at the academy. They will definitely have something I can use to kill myself with in there.
I look both ways to make sure the coast is clear and then sneak in the storage room and I start looking for something I can use to hang myself with. I finally came across some sheets that should be sturdy enough to drape across the side beam that is overhead. I am not an architect, so I wouldn't know the name of that kind of beam but it will be perfect for what I will use it for. I took the sheets I found and tied them all together to make a rope. I then make a loop at one end and tie a knot so I can do a slipknot (one of the very few knots I remember) to secure my sheet rope in place without the need of a ladder. I throw it over the beam and feed the sheet through the hole and pull it tight to secure it. I then bring the table by the sheet rope and make a loop for my head the same height as where my neck is when I am on the table. Before putting it around my neck I get the suicide note, and make it noticeable in my pocket with "To Rose" sticking out so she can easily see that it is for her. I prepared this for Rose carefully in class while pretending I was paying attention by 'taking lecture notes' in the afternoon classes. Once everything is in place I get the loop strong and secured in place around my neck. I walk off the table and I start to suffocate. I don't fight it and I just start gurgling from my body trying to breathe. I don't squirm or anything. I just want to die. Everything goes black.