Chapter 62: In the Heart of Doubt and Dreams
Andoy's Point of View
Three days have passed since Flora and I worked together at the feeding program in Tondo, Manila. The memories of the children's smiles and the elders' gratitude remain vivid in my mind. Those moments fuel my strength to carry on, even as each day feels like a battle between my duties and my deepest aspirations.
Every afternoon, I make it a point to pick Flora up from her school and walk her to her dorm. It's a small gesture, the only thing I can offer her right now to show my intentions, though I know deep down she might be growing resentful. It's been weeks since we've gone out like we used to, and I don't want her to think I'm losing interest or love for her.
I'm serious about winning Flora's heart—not just to court her, but to build a life with her, to create a family filled with love and peace. Yet, despite these dreams, the joy I feel with her is fleeting because of my current situation. I'm torn, trapped by a duty far greater than my own happiness.
Inside an old van, surrounded by men wearing red bandanas on their arms, I sit quietly, my mind swirling with conflicting emotions. Yes, they're rebels—members of the Katipunan. Those red bandanas aren't mere accessories; they're symbols of our fight, our hope for the nation's freedom. But as I stare at them, a pang grips my chest—a reminder that the path I tread is fraught with danger and sacrifice.
Five years ago, my life changed forever. A tragedy reshaped me—one dark night in a Manila alley, where my friends and I were chased by police. Amid the chaos, a gunshot rang out, bullets struck me, and as I thought it was the end, a fairy saved me—Ada Ason, the spirit of Manila.
By protecting me as her heir, she made me sugo of manila. From the cruelty of the Spanish police, the sugo of Manila, known as Crimson Cloud Von, was born. My power is extraordinary—red smoke I can control, shape into parts of my body, and wield as a weapon. At first, it felt like a dream I couldn't comprehend.
Initially, I was confused. Ada Ason's only instruction was to safeguard this power to protect her territory, but she never appeared or spoke again. In those early weeks, I was terrified—I didn't know why I was chosen or why I bore such power. I'm not a brave person. I don't seek fights. Honestly, my plan was simple: work hard, provide a good life for my parents, and ensure we could eat three meals a day. That was enough for me—a quiet, safe life.
But Manila's reality is harsh. Every day, I witnessed crimes and abuses the government couldn't—or wouldn't—stop. How could they, when they were the root of the suffering? One night, I decided to use my power. I saw a crime—thieves I chased into a dark alley. Though I knew little about fighting, I managed to subdue them with my red smoke.
That night gave me courage. From then on, I roamed as a vigilante each night, targeting snatchers, corrupt police, and syndicates. I never killed, even the worst of them. Instead, I taught them lessons that would reform them for life.
As days passed, it became part of me. People began to know me as Crimson Cloud Von—a name that brought hope to the needy and fear to criminals.
But six months ago, I faced other sugo. That's when I experienced real combat. I confronted Laguna's envoy and her men in a battle. They captured and imprisoned me in a strange house with thousands of rooms. Escape was impossible, and I was powerless against her. In the end, I surrendered. They didn't want me dead; they only sought my motives.
According to Laguna, my vigilantism was futile if that's all I did with my power. She explained I couldn't save all of Manila from criminals and police, and my violent resistance would only endanger my city further. I clarified Manila's plight—the abuses, the Filipino suffering—but she urged me to think carefully, as if she wanted me to turn a blind eye for the sake of peace. I couldn't understand why I should stop helping victims when I could save lives.
I ignored her advice and continued fighting the Spaniards. Then, one day, I faced the leader of Manila's Spaniards—the ruthless Viceroy Magellan, a demon who branded all Filipinos as rebels, heedless of innocent lives. I witnessed his cruelty firsthand—how he executed men accused of rebellion without hesitation. I couldn't ignore his evil.
My Crimson Cloud was powerful, but against Magellan, I was like a child. I could crush bones with a single blow, but his iron-like body seemed impervious to my attacks. Shamefully, I was no match for him. I couldn't deliver justice for the Filipinos he killed.
That night, I was defeated, but other envoys saved me. They're why I'm still free, not hanged in the plaza with others accused as rebels. Yet, my fight against the government harmed innocent Filipinos. Though they didn't choose to fight or die, they suffered because of my actions. That truth pierced me like a dagger.
I recovered for days in a secret rebel base, where I met Emil, sugo of Pasay. A cheerful, talkative man, Emil explained the Katipunan's purpose. I knew they often caused trouble, but he said their true aim was change—a nation free from Spanish oppression.
At first, I didn't want to join. I feared being complicit in their wrongs. As a vigilante, I never killed, no matter how vile the crime. Instead, I punished them—living with a lifelong lesson was, to me, a harsher penalty than death. The Katipunan assured me I wouldn't have to kill or follow orders against my will. They only asked for my help as I could give it.
That wasn't an issue. By day, I lived as ordinary Andoy, maintaining my normal life in Manila. But after years, the Katipunan chose a leader to spearhead the revolution against the Spaniards—Martin, sugo of quezon City'. Under him, our mission shifted. We no longer just helped people and stopped crime; we became true rebels, directly attacking the Spaniards.
Under Martin's leadership, the Katipunan grew organized, every move planned with his approval. But in recent months, I noticed a change in him. I knew he was desperate to end the fight, but he no longer cared about innocent lives caught in the crossfire.
I witnessed his actions—destroying properties, taking hostages. I knew it was for the nation's freedom, but I questioned his methods. As a Katipunan member, the group helped secure Manila's safety, but I couldn't ignore the innocent lives affected. Nor could I leave, knowing I couldn't face Magellan alone.
Now, our group gathered at a secret Katipunan military base in Cavite to plan our next attack. In a dimly lit room, surrounded by determined members, Martin spoke. "The Filipinos will never defeat the Spaniards in a simple war," he said, his voice brimming with confidence. "We need strategy. My plan is to destroy every Spanish military base in Luzon. Once we weaken their forces, no one will support the capital, and we can easily topple Viceroy Magellan."
As Martin spoke, I saw my comrades' eyes—glowing with hope, yet tinged with fear. I knew the plan's dangers, and the weight of responsibility felt like a stone in my chest. Pio, Sugo of Valenzuela raised his hand. Though not a skilled fighter, he aided wounded members post-battle.
"Supremo," Pio said, his voice calm but concerned, "we only have three hundred men in Cavite. I think destroying their military base will be difficult."
To Martin, numbers weren't an obstacle. "We don't need to worry about numbers," he replied confidently. "We just need to prevent Cavite's governor-general from aiding other soldiers. If we succeed, controlling the situation will be easy."
Hulyo, Pasig's sugo known for his cautious thinking, interjected. "Supremo, how do we ensure our men escape via the portal?" he asked, worry in his voice. "In our last operation, nearly a hundred members were caught because the portal didn't open quickly. I know the mission's importance, but I don't want to lose more comrades. Every one of us matters."
I agreed with Hulyo silently. I knew every battle carried risks, but losing comrades was a wound that never healed. Martin nodded, but his response weighed heavily on me. "I know the pain of our losses, Hulyo. I take responsibility for that mistake," he said, his voice calm but firm. "Perhaps I didn't anticipate facing that damned Indang in Kawit."
The name Indang sent a chill through me. I'd heard of her—the powerful sugo of Kawit. "She's incredibly strong," Martin added, his tone tinged with admiration. "With her power, she could greatly aid the Katipunan. I also know she was once Laguna's student, so she understands chakra, like the Spaniards."
Talk of chakra deepened my unease. I knew envoys' powers weren't mere magic—there was deeper knowledge to study. But Martin said we had no time to train or seek more information about other envoys' methods. "Every day, Filipinos die and suffer," he said, his voice filled with anger and resolve. "We can't wait for the perfect moment. We must act now for them."
Jana, Cavite's envoy, spoke up. "Supremo, why not try convincing General Apyong again?" she asked hopefully. "He was once a Katipunan member when it was just an alliance. I think he's not like the cruel Spaniards."
"You're right, Jana," Martin replied, but his tone carried bitterness. "Apyong cares for Filipinos and does his best for Cavite. But our visions differ. He abandoned the Katipunan to become a general, a choice made for his own interests. Remember, outside Cavite, thousands of Filipinos weep and suffer. Only the Katipunan has the strength and courage to help the entire nation and topple the Spanish government here!"
As Martin spoke, my comrades cheered, united in purpose. Their voices brimmed with fervor, but my heart was divided by doubt. I shared their desire for freedom and peace, but a question gnawed at me.
Is this path still right? The Katipunan gave me purpose, but Martin's actions worried me. I want freedom for the nation, but what if it costs innocent lives? I also yearn for a peaceful life with Flora—one free from war, where we can be happy and build a family.
If I'm honest, I could escape, leave this dangerous life, and start anew with Flora. I could work as I did before, live simply and joyfully. But whenever this thought crosses my mind, I feel the weight of my duty. Is it right to abandon the Katipunan for my own happiness? Is it fair to forsake suffering Filipinos for my own peace?
I'm torn. Who matters more—Flora, the woman I love with all my heart, or the fight for the freedom Filipinos await? Each decision feels like a blade piercing my chest, and with every step, I feel the gravity of my situation.
As the meeting continued, I remained silent, my mind a storm of confusion. Martin's words inspired, but the questions in my heart lingered. Amid my comrades' zeal, my doubt persisted—a battle between duty and dreams, the nation and love.
**End of Andoy's POV**
---
On a quiet night in Manila, Flora sat in her dorm's living room, her fingers gently brushing her phone's screen. The device's soft glow illuminated her face, but it couldn't dispel the sadness in her eyes. She tried sending another message to Andoy, but like the past few days, no reply came.
She couldn't explain the pain of his silence. She knew he was hiding something, but she lacked the courage to ask. Her mind was already burdened with studies and university responsibilities, and the weight of unanswered questions felt overwhelming. With each passing minute, her emotions swirled—disappointment, worry, and an inexplicable longing.
The doorbell's sharp ring cut through the night's silence, startling Flora. "Who could that be?" she whispered, assuming it was just a delivery. She stood, smoothing her loose t-shirt, and walked to the door. When she opened it, she nearly stepped back in shock at the man standing before her.
"General Romeo?" she exclaimed, her voice a mix of surprise and disbelief.
There stood the man she considered her general, her guardian. Romeo, dressed in a simple black jacket and jeans, didn't waste time explaining. He strode into Flora's unit as if it were his own, his eyes scanning the living room—from scattered books on the table to clothes draped over chairs.
"Wait, General, what are you doing?" Flora asked, her voice tinged with alarm as she followed him. He didn't answer, continuing to her bedroom, opening the door, and peering inside as if expecting to find something.
"General!" Flora shouted, her voice rising in frustration. "You can't just barge into my room! What's wrong with you?"
Romeo emerged, his face calm but serious. He looked Flora up and down, as if inspecting every detail of her appearance. She stepped back, suddenly self-conscious, crossing her arms over her chest. "W-why are you staring like that? General, calm down! Give me some privacy!"
Romeo smiled, a mix of concern and amusement. "I don't have bad intentions, Flora," he said, his voice steady but weighty. "I just want to make sure my little sister isn't doing anything strange."
"Something strange?" Flora retorted, incredulous. "What would I even do? And I'm not your little sister!"
Romeo chuckled, a soft laugh showing his protectiveness. He walked to the living room and sat on the sofa, acting as if he were at home. "Kids these days are so reckless," he said, adjusting his position. "I'm not sure if you're letting that boy you're friends with come here. You know, Flora, I won't allow a live-in partner while you're studying."
Flora's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "General!" she yelled, her voice a mix of anger and shame. "I don't let Andoy in here, and I have no plans for a live-in partner! What are you thinking? You're awful for assuming that!"
Seeing the anger in her eyes, Romeo sighed. He stood slowly and approached her, his expression shifting from teasing to genuine concern. "Sorry, Flora," he said sincerely. "I didn't mean to overstep or be too protective. I know I've been too strict. But I'm just not used to this situation."
He looked at her, and for the first time, Flora noticed the exhaustion in his eyes. "I know you're old enough," he continued. "It's normal to like someone, but I can't help fearing you'll get hurt or taken advantage of."
His words struck Flora's heart. Her cheeks reddened, not from excitement but from a mix of anger, embarrassment, and an unexplainable pain. "General, even if I made mistakes before, I can change!" she replied, her voice bold yet pleading. "I won't get hurt, especially with my powers. If anyone tries to harm me, I won't forgive them. I'll break every bone in their body!"
She joked at the end, trying to lighten the tension, but her smile didn't reach her eyes. As she spoke, Romeo gently took her hand, his warm fingers against her cold palm. He gazed at her deeply, as if memorizing her face.
Flora nearly jumped, her heart racing. "W-what are you doing, General?" she asked, her voice flustered and shy.
Romeo smiled, a tender yet sad smile. "Your fists are too small to protect yourself," he said, his voice soft but emotional.
Before she could respond, he pulled her to the sofa. She sat, stunned, as he lay down, resting his head on her lap. Flora froze, unable to believe his actions. "General!" she exclaimed, alarmed. "What are you doing?"
"Can you let me rest here, just for a bit?" Romeo asked, his voice soft, almost pleading. "Don't worry, I won't do anything strange. I just want to feel this again, like when we were kids."
"General," Flora replied, her face burning with embarrassment. "You know we can't do things like we did back then. It's embarrassing!"
Romeo smiled, his eyes warm as he watched her flushed face. "You talk as if we did something wrong back then," he teased. "It's normal for siblings to sleep, play, or bathe together."
Flora quickly covered his mouth, her trembling fingers betraying her embarrassment. "Don't bring up those embarrassing things from the past!" she pleaded. "General, please!"
He laughed softly, a tender sound, then closed his eyes, as if welcoming the silence. Flora didn't protest further. Despite her embarrassment, she felt a longing for the days they spent together at camp, when life was simpler in their early months there.
"It's not a problem if you want to spend time like before," she said softly, almost whispering. "But, General, it's not right to just show up, barge into my unit, and lie on my lap. That's not normal for a man and woman, especially since we're not really siblings."
Romeo smiled but didn't respond immediately. He let silence settle before speaking. "To me, we're siblings," he said sincerely. "But do me this favor, Flora. I know I've been busy with work, but I just want to feel like I have a family again."
Flora sighed, her heart torn between concern and understanding. She let him rest, her fingers gently stroking his shoulder to comfort him.
"When I said I'm scared of you getting hurt," Romeo continued, his voice heavy, "I meant your feelings. I don't want you coming to me crying over a broken heart again. You're too good to be hurt by men, Flora."
She didn't like his words. "General, I'm not going to cry over men!" she retorted, her tone proud but pleading. "I know what I'm doing, and I'm old enough to decide for myself!"
Romeo smiled, but his smile carried sadness. "You're right, you're old enough," he said. "That's why I'm more afraid. Unlike before, I can't follow you everywhere or scold you for wrong choices. One day, Flora, I won't be able to stay with you."
His words pulled at Flora's heart. Silence enveloped them, and even she felt the weight of sadness. She knew the truth behind his words—Romeo's life as an envoy and general was dangerous, and he could be gone any moment.
"Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?" she asked, her voice nearly breaking with emotion. "General, don't talk like that. It doesn't suit you! I don't want to hear it. You're worried about my feelings, but you're the one hurting my heart as a woman!"
Romeo smiled, his expression tinged with regret. "Sorry, Flora," he said. "I didn't mean to hurt you, and I never want to again. But we have to do things for others' sake. We must accept we don't control the future."
He paused, then looked at her deeply. "I just want you to know, Flora, that I love you."
His words struck her like lightning. She froze, her cheeks burning, her heart pounding as if it might burst. Trying to calm herself, she forced a playful response. "General, you really know how to make me flustered, don't you? You know I like you, so you're using it against me!"
But behind her teasing, she felt the weight of his words. "It's not fair that you say you love me but only want me as a sister," she added, her voice tinged with bitterness. "You're awful, General. I don't know whether to be mad at you or not."
Romeo opened his eyes and gazed at her, his eyes full of tenderness. "It's normal for family to love each other," he said calmly but sincerely. "If anything, I should be the one upset, because you've never said you love me."
His words pulled Flora deeper into emotion. She looked into his eyes and, for the first time, saw the depth of his sadness—a sorrow born of sacrifices, battles, and past mistakes haunting him.
She couldn't hold back. Gently, Flora covered his eyes with her hands, hiding the sadness she saw. "Of course, I love you," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "You gave me a second chance at life. I love you so much, General, and I'd do anything for you."
Romeo didn't respond, and silence enveloped them again. After a moment, he made a surprising request. "Can you stroke my head while I rest?" he asked softly, as if asking a close friend for a favor.
Flora was stunned, her cheeks flushing again. "W-what do you mean?" she stammered, flustered. "General, this isn't something siblings do! Especially after we just said we love each other… I think only lovers do this!"
He laughed softly, a tender sound. "Is that so?" he said. "I know it's embarrassing, but bear with me. We're getting older, Flora, with our own lives. I just want to feel this again, even if it's the last time."
His words stopped Flora's world. She couldn't explain the anxiety she felt. She knew Romeo was strict, a general who'd never do anything to embarrass himself. But mentioning "the last time" darkened her world. It felt like he was saying goodbye, and that thought brought an indescribable pain to her heart.
"Don't talk like that!" she shouted, her voice full of anger and fear. "I don't want to hear it, General! I don't like hearing you sound like you're leaving! I don't care if we're getting older. If you order it, we can do this forever!"
Romeo only smiled, his expression heavy with sadness. He didn't respond, letting silence settle. He remained lying down, his head on Flora's lap, as she gently stroked his hair.
With each stroke, Flora felt the weight of their past—the days they spent together, their laughter, the simple moments now like distant dreams.
In the night's stillness, as the world outside continued, Flora felt a flicker of hope amidst the sadness. She knew their relationship would never be simple, but in these moments, as she awaited Romeo's response, their connection mattered most—a bond transcending words, duties, and the battles they faced.
End of Chapter