Let's be honest. My life wasn't amazing—but it wasn't that bad either.
A street cart, some fire noodles, and my phone playing questionable anime openings. I was mid-bite, sauce dripping down my chin like a budget action star, when—
⚡ BOOOOOOM! ⚡
One moment, I was enjoying spice-induced enlightenment.
The next, I was charcoal.
When I opened my eyes, I wasn't in a hospital.
I was floating in literal clouds. Harps. Wings. Golden gates. Glitter sparkles. Someone cue the JRPG intro music.
And standing there?
A glowing woman in divine robes, curves in the right places, and a clipboard in her hand like this was customer service for the afterlife.
> "Ah. Mortal #42069. Hello. I am Goddess Yunna. And… unfortunately… you were killed. By divine accident."
I blinked.
"Divine… accident?"
> "Well, we were aiming for a serial killer. But you stepped in at the exact moment and—well, zap."
"…I died because I walked into a divine assassination attempt?!"
> "Yes. You… interrupted lightning justice. Mid-noodle, apparently."
"That was my favorite bowl! I didn't even get to finish the egg!"
> "Tragic. I'll mark it down as a cosmic misfire."
I stood up—wait, no, I floated up.
"Alright then. Let me guess. Now I get reincarnated, right?"
> "Correct. One reincarnation. One wish. Standard apology package."
I paused. Blinked. Smiled.
"Oh good. Then I want a cheat system—an overpowered, harem-generating, cultivation-breaking, villain-slapping, loot-hoarding system."
> "…Seriously?"
"Oh yes. And also, I want it to call me 'Master Supreme' every time I level up."
> "I'm going to regret this."
I crossed my arms smugly. "Hey, you killed me. This is karma."
> "Fine. You'll get a system. I'll even give it a cool name. Just don't complain later."
---
⚙ [SYSTEM BINDING: COMPLETE] ⚙
🎵 Welcome, trash. I am DASANI—Divine Assistant of Supreme And Noble Intervention. 🎵
> "Yo, loser. I'm your system now. Don't expect miracles—I don't do handouts for horny morons."
"…The hell kind of greeting is that?"
> "You died like a clown, so you get the clown edition."
"I thought I was getting a cheat system!"
> "You got a character-building system. Now stop whining, Moistface."
I looked at the goddess.
She was sipping divine wine, smirking like a cat who just broke a priceless vase.
> "Remember, you said you wanted a system. Didn't say it had to like you."
"You gave me a broken gacha machine with sarcasm!"
> "I'm not broken. I'm just lazy. You die? Not my problem. You bleed? Not my problem. You beg for help while getting chased by demon ducks? Still not my problem."
"…You're actually worse than Clippy."
> "At least he had a job. I'm just here because some cosmic intern lost a bet."
---
Suddenly, everything twisted. Space warped. Clouds turned into light—
And I was falling.
---
THUD.
Face-first in a muddy field. Naked. In front of a group of passing cultivators.
They stared. I groaned.
> "Is… is that his spiritual root dangling?!"
> "It's small, but brave."
> "Don't poke it!"
---
[SYSTEM NOTICE]
> "Welcome to your new life, Host. Try not to embarrass me more than usual."
And thus began my second chance.
In a world of swords, pills, and spiritual beasts.
With a sarcastic system, no pants, and questionable luck.