Chapter 180 – Just Wanting to Help
The Otto in front of him remained silent, but Subaru didn't care what he might say anyway.
To Subaru, Otto was just someone who thought he could see through people.
They hadn't even known each other for that long, and yet Otto claimed he genuinely cared about him? Hah! How could such a person even exist?
"Why? Because we are friends."
…There was… such a person after all.
Someone who suddenly appeared, arbitrarily declared the two of them were friends, and within not even four full days of acquaintance, was willing to sacrifice himself for a stranger. But such a person definitely couldn't be Otto!
Someone who truly cared about him, someone who could see through his disguise? How could that be possible! Even his closest friend hadn't noticed his act! There was no way someone else could.
"When I was lost, when I didn't know what to do, it was you who helped me. It was you who called me a friend."
Eh? Did I just say what I was thinking out loud? No, that's not it!
Otto's expression turned terribly downcast. If Subaru himself had been denied in such a way by his dearest friend, he'd surely look just like Otto did now.
"Even though I don't know everything about you, Natsuki-san, I know I'm not wrong about you. Natsuki-san, you push yourself far too hard!
When we fought the White Whale, it was you who brought it crashing down from the sky, wasn't it?
And when we fought the Witch Cult, it was you who stood alone against the Sin Archbishop, wasn't it?
I may not have witnessed it with my own eyes, but I can tell! While others praise your bravery, while they sing of your achievements, the brilliance of the hero blinds them to the real you! No—that's not it.
It's that they never even tried to see the real you.
But I saw the real you. That's why I'm standing here!"
Otto's emotions overflowed, as if he desperately needed to prove himself. Subaru, watching him, felt as though he were seeing a reflection of his own past self.
"Natsuki-san is a hero—but also just a person!
I saw the blank look on your face when you failed to save that girl.
I saw your pain and despair as you cradled her, staring at the ruined battlefield.
Listening to others talk of your deeds does make you sound like a hero out of a fairy tale. But beneath that heroic radiance, I saw your powerlessness.
And when others praised you, I saw that you weren't proud—you only watched with quiet satisfaction as they laughed together.
That's why I know: you'll try to shoulder everything alone.
When you see others smile, you feel satisfied.
When you see others die, you feel pain, as though it were entirely your fault.
Knowing this, I understand: Natsuki Subaru the hero is just someone who recklessly overestimates himself!"
"…So what?"
Subaru said this expressionlessly. He turned to face Otto directly and took step after step toward him.
"Yes, you're right. You've read me well. But what does that change?
Just leave everything to me. That way there will be no more suffering.
Hand everything over to me to arrange, and you can just obediently go back and sleep.
You won't have to see sorrow, you won't have to see despair. So what if I overestimate myself? If I don't face these things, then what? With just you people, what could possibly change?!
If I run away—if I don't face these things—what could you all possibly accomplish?!"
Subaru clapped both hands heavily on Otto's shoulders.
Otto's face contorted with pain under the force, and Subaru paused briefly, then loosened his grip slightly, though he still clutched Otto's shoulders.
"You don't need to face danger. Leave dangerous things to me. You don't need to act rashly. That way no one will get hurt, no one will die… So go back."
Having declared this, Subaru released him and began to turn away. But Otto's voice rang out once more.
"You can't do anything."
Subaru stopped mid-step.
When Otto saw Subaru turn back, his sharp, feral eyes looked even more dangerous—like a wounded wolf about to leap. But somehow Otto felt that Subaru wasn't about to bite him.
"Then tell me this. If I can't do anything—then who killed the White Whale?"
"…"
"By the time I came here, that beast had been around for hundreds of years, hadn't it? And yet no one killed it.
If I hadn't done anything, who would have slain those monstrous Witch Cultists? None of you had done a thing, had you?
You let the White Whale go unchecked for centuries, slaughtering countless people. You let the Witch Cult live on, spreading evil across the world. So answer me, Otto Suwen!"
Otto fell silent. He understood now—Subaru wasn't trying to bite him. Subaru was tearing into his own weakness, ripping open old wounds and pouring salt into them.
"If you can't answer, then stop pestering me."
"…I just wanted to help you…"
"And what help is it to stand here spouting useless words at me? If you truly want to help, then go back and act as if nothing happened. That's the greatest help you can give me."
"And I'm supposed to just watch while my benefactor destroys himself?!"
"I'm not destroying myself! There's still so much I need to do! I'm not that weak!"
"You are weak! You can't even face the fact that she's gone!"
"You bastard!"
Subaru couldn't hold back anymore.
He grabbed Otto's collar with one hand and hauled him up, eyes blazing with fury, voice hoarse as he growled:
"She's not dead! She's only sleeping! I'll wake her up! Don't you dare talk as though she's gone forever!"
"…Heh."
"What the hell are you laughing at?!"
Even with Subaru's rage before him, Otto sneered, his eyes burning with conviction.
"Ah, she's not dead, only asleep. And the reason she's asleep—isn't that because you failed?"
Subaru's eyes widened.
"Maybe it's just as you said. Without you, nothing could be done. But what can you accomplish all on your own?
Without the help of knights and mercenaries, could you really have achieved all that? Don't give me that arrogance!"
With a roar, Otto punched Subaru square in the face. Subaru didn't even flinch—he didn't move an inch. Instead, Otto's own fist throbbed with pain.
"…"
Subaru released Otto, gave him one deep, searching look, then walked past him.
"…I'm going back."
Otto turned and shouted at Subaru's retreating figure:
"Natsuki-san, I'll be waiting for you! Whenever you need my help, no matter when, I'll be there to help you!"
But Subaru didn't respond. Watching his back grow more distant, Otto slumped down onto the ground in defeat.
"…I just wanted to help you…"
He didn't know how long he sat there—maybe a minute, maybe an hour—struggling with how to reach Subaru. Then, a voice drifted into his ears.
"Not bad."
"Eh?"
Otto turned his head, searching the area, but found no one there. Still, having been praised, Otto smiled faintly, whispering words only he could hear:
"…Guess you didn't fool me after all, Natsuki-san."
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