JESSIE
They say when you die, all the memories of your life start resurfacing. From the moment I was born, to the moment I celebrated my first birthday, to my first walk, and the first time I said my first words.
The earlier years when my father wasn't toxic, my first day in Kindergarten, Elementary, High school and college. My earlier friends, my first heartbreak.
My dad's rage, my mom's sadness.
The constant crying, the suicidal thoughts, the PTSD.
The depression.
The first time I met my first friends in New York, the first time I met Jeremy, my boyfriend. My first date was the first time I had sex.
Prom, my high school graduation.
The day I ran from home.
When Sebby and I had our first kiss.
When Sebby and I had our second kiss.
Sebby.
I open my eyes and I sit up immediately. I realise I'm on my bed, in my room, which is strange because the last thing I remember was being in Rosa's. I was having a good time with Sebby, and we were reminiscing about old times.
And then the next thing, he went to get some more drinks and then…
Oh my God, that thing. That thing attacked me. I look down at my stomach and there's no hole in sight; my stomach is completely normal.
But not quite.
"What the-"
I get up from the bed and I stand in front of my mirror. I take off my shirt, and my jaw is on the floor. I have abs? And biceps? What the hell?
"Holy shit."
What the fuck? It's like I'm looking at a different person.
What the hell happened to me last night? Did I get hit by a kind of meteor that turned me into Clark Kent or what?
I've only gone to the gym once, and after that, I said no. So how the fuck do I have abs and biceps?
And what the fuck was that monster I saw? Did I even see a monster, or did I just have a nightmare about it? Why don't I remember coming home? I couldn't have been that drunk. I refused to believe that I was that drunk.
Maybe if I call Sebby, I'll understand it all. I go to my bed to reach for my phone, but I stop because I remember I don't have Sebby's number.
"Shit," I say, disappointedly, then I drop my phone on the bed. Looks like I have to go and meet him again, and I smile to myself because the thought of meeting him again makes me happy.
I'm happy to see him because he's a good friend, not because of anything else.
That kiss.
I remember him kissing me. But was that a dream? Did I dream of it? Why am I still dreaming about Sebastian De La Rosa?
The last time I dreamt about him was in the early years when I arrived in New York. I haven't dreamt about him since because I'm with Jeremy.
But why does that kiss keep resurfacing in my head? The kiss felt like I was Snow White who bit an apple and then had his prince charming kiss him to be brought back to life.
Sebby was my first love, but he's not my prince charming. Jeremy is. And speaking of Jeremy, I have to call him right now. I reach out for my phone, and I scream when I see what's on my fingers.
Long, sharp nails. I don't keep my nails long, let alone this long. My nails look like those of an animal, a wild cat to be specific.
"What the fuck?" I say, freaking out, looking at the nails. They're so beautiful but scary. I don't remember having these nails. This is crazy.
There's a knock on the door. My mom, but weirdly, I could hear her coming, walking up the stairs, which is weird because I don't usually hear it when people run or walk up the stairs.
"Honey, are you okay?" She asks, and the door is about to open up, but I rush toward it and close it.
"I'm fine, Mom, I just…I need a minute." I say. I hear her sigh.
"Jessie baby, if you want to talk, just know that I'm right here, okay? I know your father wasn't… perfect."
Huh, understatement.
"But it is okay to mourn his death. He was still your father."
That's the thing, I don't feel sad. I don't feel happy either. I just… I feel nothing. I don't know how to feel. I'm just so numb.
"I know, Mom. I just need a minute. I'll see you later."
"Okay, honey, just know I'm right here for you, okay?"
"I know, Mom, I know."
"Okay, dear," and then she walks away. I can hear her footsteps leaving, I hear her feet meeting the floor. She's in the kitchen.
But wait, how the fuck do I know this? What's going on with me right now?
I look at my new nails and I cringe.
These nails don't look like the kind a Drag Queen would have; they look wild, dangerous, chaotic.
I walk toward the mirror and I shake and wiggle my fingers, hoping the nails would go away. But no use.
I look at the mirror, and something else has gotten my attention. My eyes aren't honey brown, but they're a bright emerald green.
"This cannot be happening, this cannot be happening," I say, blinking my eyes, hoping it will go away, but it doesn't. But just like the nails, the eyes are extremely beautiful.
But I don't want them. How the hell am I going to meet my mom looking like an alien? That is probably what happened. An alien put their DNA inside me, or they laid their eggs inside my body. I don't know. I am confused as fuck right now.
I slowly sit on my bed and stare at these nails.
I don't know what is happening. But it had to do with the last night, and I don't understand what even happened last night. I want to ask Sebby what happened, but I can't go out looking like an alien; people will talk.
And I live in New Orleans. People are going to use me to talk about the wild, superstitious beliefs and conspiracy theories about this city. But I can't stay here forever. I have to do something. I have to be smart and creative.
I have no idea. I don't know what to do.
"Jezzy, Jezzy."
I look up and I look around my room. I didn't just hear Sebby calling my name, did I?
"Jezzy, yes, you did."
I stand up. And I'm still looking around.
"Sebby?" I say, looking under my bed, no one's there, and I look in my wardrobe, no one. I look out the window, because in the past, he was notorious for coming into my room through the window. But no one's there "Where are you?" I ask, confused.
"No time for that. I'll explain later. I just need you to listen to me. Your eyes and nails can go back to normal if you just relax. You need to relax."
How does he know how to get rid of the claws and the cat-like eyes? I want to ask, but like he said, there's no time. I want to fix this. I have to fix this. So I listen to him, it wouldn't be the first time Sebastian De La Rosa has told me to calm down. And I always listen to him.
I'm definitely going to listen to him right now.
So that's what I do. I try to relax.
"Make sure you remove everything from your head and just try to relax," he says, in a soft voice this time.
And I have no choice but to listen to him.
My eyes are shut, and I breathe in and out, and I just sit down on the bed, and nothing is on my mind. If Sebby says this is going to help, then I'm going to believe him.
It's like I'm talking with my therapist once again. But it's better because I'm talking to my best friend, my first love.
I don't think about anything, not my mother, not my father, not Jeremy, not my trauma, not even Sebby. Everything is blank.
I stay still for three minutes, and I open my eyes. I look at my nails and I see it's gone back to normal. I head to the mirror and I see my eyes are back to normal.
Everything's back to normal.
I let out a sigh of relief.
The only thing that hasn't gone back to normal is the abs and the biceps.
Something weird happened to me last night. And now I know that Sebby knows what happened.
And I'm going to get to the bottom of it.
He's going to explain what happened to me, and what the fuck is going on?