Hades pushed open the kitchen doors, his shoulders slumped with a weariness that only a few thousand new souls could bring. He dragged a hand down his face and released a sigh that seemed to carry the weight of the world itself.
"The soul traffic today was a new circle of torment," he groaned.
Hectate followed, offering a noncommittal hum as she drifted toward the table. "Yeah."
Collapsing into a chair, Hades pulled a massive culinary tome across the polished obsidian surface. Hectate leaned over his shoulder, her fingers trailing across the pages until she stopped with a decisive tap. "This one. Let's try this."
Hades leaned over to look. "Chocolate cake…" He nodded, a flicker of interest cutting through his exhaustion. "Alright."
Hectate's eyes scanned the recipe for a mere second before she began pulling utensils from the air with sharp, precise gestures. Hades, now engrossed in the book's instructions, stood to help, only to be interrupted by a soft clearing of a throat.
A maid stood bowing, a parchment scroll held out before her.
"My Lord, this reports need your review."
Hades accepted it with a nod, his brow furrowing as he began to read.
Meanwhile, Hectate assessed the ingredients. "One and a half cups of all-purpose flour," she read aloud. "All-purpose… how mundane." Instead of checking the pantry, she snapped her fingers, and a bag of shimmering, moon-pale powder appeared. "Lunar White Powder. universal reagent for potion."
She measured a cup and a half into a large bowl. "One and a half teaspoons each, baking soda and powder." Two small jars levitated from a high shelf, depositing their contents with a puff.
"Next… cocoa powder and coffee." From a pocket dimension, she produced two small sacks. One held a powder as dark as a starless night, the other a deep brown with a sinister purple sheen. "Cocoa from the Sleepless Spirits, and coffee grounds from the shores of the Lethe. Perfect."
Sugar and salt joined the mix from the counter. "Now, 'whisk until combined.'" She waved a single finger in a lazy circle, and the dry ingredients swirled into a perfectly homogenous mixture within the bowl.
"Now for the wet ingredients," she continued, rummaging in her pocket dimension. "Two eggs…" She produced two large, speckled eggs that seemed to pulse with a faint, dangerous energy. "Ah, cockatrice eggs. They'll add structure."
" Next came a bottle of dark, viscous oil. Hmm…Treant-root oil," she declared, followed by a chunk of butter that seemed to moo softly and a bottle of milk that swirled with shadows. "Butter and milk from the Behemoth. And for vanilla extract…" She held up a vial of shimmering, semi-transparent liquid. "A drop of pure spectral essence for flavour."
With another wave of her hand, the wet ingredients mixed themselves, then merged with the dry ingredients, forming a smooth, deep brown batter.
Hades finished the report, making a small notation. "There's a calculation error on the last page. Have it corrected and returned to me."
The maid bowed deeply and scurried away. Hades turned to see Hectate standing triumphantly as the batter continued to stir itself.
"The colour and texture appear adequate," Hades conceded, dipping a finger and rub between his finger.
A smug grin spread across Hectate's face. "What do you think? Just because you're the culinary expert doesn't mean I can't hold my own."
Hades nodded slowly, his eyes scanning the kitchen. "Indeed. However," he said, his voice dry, "you seem to have forgotten to preheat the oven and prepare the pan."
Her grin faltered. "A minor oversight." She snapped her fingers. A baking pan flew to the counter, greasing itself, while an arcane fire of purple erupted within the oven, roaring with magical energy.
Hades snapped his own fingers, and the flames died down to a steady, normal orange glow. "Normal flame for cooking. Not the arcane flame."
She ignored him, pouring the batter into the pan and sliding it into the oven. After a few minutes of waiting, she tapped her foot impatiently. "This is taking too long." She snapped her fingers again.
Ting!
The cake was done. Hades leveled a glare at her that could freeze lava. "Hectate—You cannot rush normal procedure with magic."
"What are you grumbling about? Whether I use magic or not, the result is still a cake," she retorted, waving a dismissive hand.
Hades massaged his temples but said nothing. He retrieved the perfectly risen cake, and together they spread a rich chocolate ganache and cream over it.
"Hah! Finally, a cake is made," Hectate declared, dropping into a chair and leaning back with satisfaction. Hades carefully cut even slices, presenting them on two delicate porcelain plates.
Just as they raised their forks, Sebastian, entered. "My Lord, my Lady," he said humbly. "A soul has arrived whose sins and virtues are… complicated. The punishers are at an impasse."
Hades set his plate down with a soft, definitive click. Without a word, he and Hectate rose and followed Sebastian out, their dessert abandoned on the table.
---
Some time later, Charon, Thanatos, and Hypnos stumbled into the palace. Charon groaned, using his ferryman's paddle as a crutch. "Ferrying that many souls… I think my spine has fused into a question mark."
Thanatos leaned heavily on his scythe, his robes dusty. "You think that's bad? I had to harvest a soul from inside an mud today. The smell is never coming out."
Hypnos, floating on a wisp of cloud, mumbled in a half-dream, "Mhm… yes… the mud… very smell…"
They spotted a maid polishing a set of crystal flasks. Thanatos straightened as best he could. "Excuse us miss. Could you tell us where Lord Hades is?"
The maid nodded. " Last time, I saw Lord Hades and Lady Hectate in the kitchen."
" Thank you, miss."
Thanking her, the three brothers trudged towards the kitchen, finding it empty but for a magnificent, creamy chocolate cake sitting on the central table.
"Brothers," Charon whispered, his voice raspy with awe. "Look. A dessert, left unattended."
Thanatos' eyes widened, a drop of drool escaping the corner of his mouth. "A tragedy," he murmured, wiping it away. "It will spoil. Such a waste of culinary art."
"Mm… cake art…" Hypnos mumbled, drifting closer.
"Precisely," Charon said, already fetching plates. "It is our duty to save it from ruin."
They served themselves three generous slices and devoured them. They licked their fingers and scraped their plates clean. "Delicious, I have never eaten such delicious delight."
Suddenly, they froze. Spoons clattered to the floor. A visible wave of power washed over them. Their tired, slumped forms straightened as their muscles swelled and rippled, shredding their simple chitons to rags. Their hair lightened, blazing into brilliant, spiky gold. A fiery, intense aura erupted around each of them, shaking the very foundations of the kitchen.
"YAAAAHH!!!" Charon roared, hefting his paddle like a warrior's broadsword. "I FEEL LIKE I COULD FERRY A MILLION SOULS IN A SINGLE TIDE!"
"WAIT FOR ME, WANDERING DEAD! I AM COMING FOR YOU ALL!" Thanatos bellowed, swinging his scythe so fast it whistled through the air.
For the first time in eternity, Hypnos was fully, utterly awake. His eyes were wide, blazing with blue energy. "I FEEL IT! THE ENERGY! THE CLARITY! I AM AWAKE!"
Thanatos and Charon stared at him for a beat, their auras flaring.
Charon whispered, "What is he saying?"
Thanatos shrugged, his own golden spikes trembling. "Just some gibberish. TO WORK!"
---
In the judgement hall, Hades and Hectate sat before a mountain of scrolls. A nervous old soul waited in the defendant's stand. Eris and Phelegton were helping them search.
"Where is the rest of his decade's data?" Hades grumbled, upending a scroll. "It's just… gone."
A guard rushed in and knelt. "My Lord! Lord Thanatos has just harvested millions of souls!"
Hades and Hectate froze, looking up in sync. "Millions?" they echoed in disbelief.
A second guard sprinted in. "Lord Charon has ferried a tidal wave of souls across the Styx! The disembarkation ports are in chaos!"
Eris and Phelegton shocked "Charon did."
A third guard, looking panicked, arrived. "Lord Hypnos is… awake! And he's staying awake! The upper world is reporting a global insomnia event!"
Hades shot to his feet, his shadow stretching to cover the entire hall. "What the hell is going on in my realm?" he thundered. "Bring me Thanatos and Charon. Now."
The guards scrambled to obey.
Minutes later, Thanatos strode in, his new golden hair a stark contrast to his grim expression. Charon followed, humming a war chant and flexing his new muscles.
"Thanatos," Hades began, his voice dangerously calm. "Why are this soul's final ten years of records missing?"
Thanatos looked at the old soul and blinked, a truth he had never intended to share bursting forth. "Oh, him! I harvested his soul ten years early when I collected his son's. Saved me a trip later. Efficiency!" His eyes bulged, and he clamped both hands over his mouth.
Charon, seeing his brother's distress, clapped him on the back. "Brother! What's wrong? You look like you've seen a Gorgon!" He then turned to Hades and Hectate. "The cake was magnificent, by the way. Gave us the strength of Titans!"
Hectate's eyes narrowed. "Charon. How much did you charge this soul for his passage?"
Charon pointed at the old man. "Him? Triple the standard rate! And not just him! Anyone bring more than two coins with them! A brilliant revenue stream, really—" He too choked, slapping his hands over his traitorous mouth.
"Hahahahaha!"
Hades began to laugh. It was a low, cold sound that promised divine retribution.
In a blur of motion, he was behind them, locking both their necks in the crook of his powerful arms. He smiled, a wide, terrifying expression that did not touch his burning eyes.
"You two have been working so, so hard," he cooed, his grip tightening as they struggled "Heuk!" , their claws scraping futilely on the marble floor. "You deserve a special treat."
As Thanatos open his mouth to beg for mercy but blurted out, desperate to fill the silence, "I was the one who broke your favourite hair band, Eris!"
"And I drank your special juice, Phelegton!" Charon confessed, tears in his eyes. "I blamed on the Acheron!"
The search for the scrolls stopped. Eris and Phelegton slowly turned. Their faces, once helpful, shifted into masks of demonic glee.
"Oh, is that so?" Phelegton purred, producing a throny hunter from behind his back.
"What a fascinating confession," Eris grinned, a bag of salt and chill materializing in her hand. "My Lord Hades, please, allow us to assist with their… treatment. They are our dear brothers, after all."
Hades' smile widened. "Of course. This is your department, after all."
Together, the three of them dragged the struggling, golden-haired forms of Thanatos and Charon towards the punishment hall. The heavy doors slammed shut, but not before their terrified screams echoed back into the judgement hall.
"AAAAHHH! No, not the wipe! Nooooo! I CONFESS! AAAAAHHH! MY BALLS!!"
"BROTHER, SAVE ME! ERIS IS SPRINKLING THE SALT! THE CHILLI! IT BURNS! AAAAAHHHH!!! HELP!! AAAAAAA!!!"
Their screams echoed for a long time. And for the next few days, the Underworld was noticeably quieter, with no sign of the once-energetic God of Death or the entrepreneurial Ferryman.