The shame and guilt were still wearing down on me, it was so unbearable that I found it hard to breathe. I sat at the large mahogany desk in my study with a stack of financial reports and security assessments lying before me, they reminded me that I was supposed to be running affairs with a clear and steady head.
Instead, my mind kept on replaying my conversation with Lena from this morning. The comparison to Gideon had felt like a physical blow, it was so ugly that it had left me reeling all morning. I had been so preoccupied with not becoming him in my business dealings that I had become him in my private life, a bully and a tyrant ruled by impulse and fear.
I had no defense or justification for my behaviors lately. I recalled Elias's impassive face last night, the subtle wince, the cold look in his eyes; it was all a brutal testament to my own monstrousness. I had used him, abused him, and he had simply endured it again and again.
