Sometime later…
Somewhere across the vast, blue expanse of the One Piece world, a particular unlucky sucker—now self-proclaimed jade beauty and king of nonsense—was pacing back and forth on a flimsy wooden raft like a madman on caffeine.
"Blue… blue… blue… That's all I see! Where's the adventure, the pirates, the damsels in distress, the treasure, the betrayal?! What kind of scuffed One Piece world is this?!" Kaito shouted, his voice echoing across the dead calm waters.
"Not even a single sea gull to take a dump on me for comedic effect! And here I was dreaming of sailing the world, becoming a morally gray hero who extorts corrupt nobles, helps poor villagers, builds a harem of emotionally damaged beauties, and establishes a safe haven for women with mommy issues!"
He slumped against the corner of his raft, arms crossed like a sulking prince whose snack had been denied.
"Who said sailing was fun? Huh?! It's so boring even my second personality is asleep! A hyper-energetic, extremely handsome, jade-skinned young master like me can't take this!"
Still sulking, Kaito sighed. "Well… I guess only Observation Haki can be trained like this. I've been pushing it non-stop with breaks, and now I can see twenty kilometers! Yeah, sounds impressive, right? But that cursed island I escaped from was so big, it barely covered 10% of it. That place was the world's worst jungle gym made by a sadistic god."
He leaned back, lazily spinning the iron rod he'd named Butt Avenger—a makeshift weapon forged in the fires of trauma and forged from the same iron that tried to violate him months ago.
"I guess I did achieve something, though. Learned all six Rokushiki techniques—well, mostly. Shave, Moon Walk, and Kami-e are my best boys. Tekkai and Rankyaku are meh. Geppo's great if I wanna pretend I'm flying. But if I had to choose… nothing beats dodging the aggressive hugs of horny orangutans with Kami-e."
"As for Armament and Conqueror Haki… well, those are pipe dreams for now. I still need the training method for Armament. Conqueror's Haki? Heh. This young master is destined for it, obviously. Just not yet. Can't reveal the trump card before act two, right?"
He paused, eyes narrowing at the horizon.
"Also… timeline. Gotta track it. If Luffy already set out, and Ace is dead, then all my dreams of cuddling Robin under the moonlight and having Boa call me 'husband-sama' are gone."
He stood, dramatically pointing to the sky.
"But why think negatively?! This young master doesn't lose! I'll go to Shimotsuki Village, fix my swordsmanship basics, and maybe—just maybe—I'll learn how to cut steel. Then I can start slicing boulders while laughing like a maniac."
⸻
Five Days Later…
On the dead calm ocean, a single pathetic raft floated aimlessly. A dehydrated, sunburned, extremely dramatic young man lay face-up, staring blankly at the sky with the expression of a poet mid-existential crisis.
"WOOO WOOO! Monkey bros! Little husky! I miss you all!" Kaito screamed into the abyss. "Why did I ever listen to my own voice?! Who told me to sail? I've eaten nothing in two days! My food storage is empty! Water supply? Two coconut sips and a prayer!"
He coughed.
"I haven't even seen a damn fish! What is this?! I thought sea kings were everywhere! Where are the sea kings when I want them?! I'm starting to think they're racist against coconut-fed savages!"
He stood weakly, fists clenched in melodramatic fury.
"One day, I'll become the best fisherman in the world! Dattebayo—ah, crap, wrong anime! I mean… THIS IS MY NINJA WAY—uhh, I mean PIRATE WAY! No wait… MY FISHERMAN WAY!"
Suddenly, he squinted into the distance. A small black dot appeared on the horizon.
"Huh? Is that… a ship?! An island?! Ancestors, is that you blessing me?!"
He used Observation Haki. "Oh-ho… pirates. Interesting…"
A twisted smile curled onto his lips.
"Hehehe… shelter, food, maybe even slaves—wait, no, helpers! Yeah, definitely helpers!"
⸻
Kaito Boards the Ship of Fools
As his raft approached the pirate ship, a group of strange-looking goons peeked over the railings.
"Oi, what's that? A guy on a wooden plank? Is that… is that dude wearing a rag for a cape?"
One of them lowered a wooden plank. "Come on up, bait boy."
Kaito climbed aboard, straightened himself, and immediately scanned the crew.
His eyes landed on the man at the center—a comically tiny figure standing barely three feet tall with a pirate hat three times his head and boots thicker than his legs.
"Oi oi oi… who let a three-foot gnome cosplay as a pirate captain?" Kaito muttered, loud enough for the entire crew to hear.
The entire ship went silent. Every crew member froze.
Captain Tiny's face turned a magnificent shade of beet red. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A GNOME, YOU DAMN SAVAGE?!"
"Who else? There's only one garden gnome here with a hat the size of a tent," Kaito smirked.
"LITTLE ONES! TIE THIS PUNK UP!"
The pirates surrounded him.
"Tch, if only he were a woman, I could've had fun. But noooo, he turns out to be a savage with a face prettier than half the girls I dated!" one of them muttered.
"You pimply dwarf," Kaito snapped. "You dare disrespect this young master?!"
The tension thickened. Tiny Captain was fuming.
"You! I'll find your mother and—"
Kaito's expression instantly darkened. His face turned cold.
"Take that back."
"Or what, pretty boy? You afraid—"
SHLICK.
Captain Tiny fell back. His legs remained standing.
A pool of blood spread as the pirates froze.
"C-Captain… he's… he's got an 8 million bounty! H-he's not weak!"
Then… the voice came.
"YOU ARE PATHETIC, KAITO."
Kaito's body twitched. His head lowered. His posture changed.
A deep, menacing tone echoed from his throat.
"How long will you keep hiding behind this mask? Let the world feel pain. True pain."
Suddenly, a pirate tried to sneak up behind Kaito—but was blown back by a wave of black and red aura.
Conqueror's Haki.
Kaito's eyes now gleamed purple with red-black rings.
"LET THIS WORLD KNOW… MY NAME."
Seconds later, every pirate on deck collapsed, unconscious.
The split persona laughed.
"You're weak, Kaito. Pathetic. But we could be strong… if you stopped pretending to be this fake jade virgin."
And then—just as suddenly—it faded.
"Damn that wannabe Pain cosplay reject," Kaito muttered, wiping his mouth. "Don't dare teach this young master how to monologue!"
⸻
Later…
Now cleaned, clothed, and looking fresh, Kaito sat like a young emperor on a chair in the middle of the ship while the groggy pirates stood like kids about to get detention.
"You with the sick mom. Step forward," he ordered.
"Y-yes, young master savage, I mean savior!"
"Where are we?"
"East Blue! Year is… 1519."
Kaito smirked.
"Hehehe… So Luffy hasn't started his journey yet… That means I have time."
He stood up, gazing into the distance like a man ready to rewrite history.
"Get ready, world. The jade young master, Kaito Asami, is here—and I'm taking over."
———-/
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