Kendo Training Hall
Thanks to the super-strong girl's "pacification," Iori and Kohei had gradually accepted their fate.
Now the three of them stood side by side like obedient children, facing the Yorozuya trio.
Anyone walking in might think the three had just been kidnapped by that white-haired pervert.
And honestly…
In Iori and Kohei's eyes, they had been.
"Well, looks like class has started. Let's get to know each other, little brats," Gintoki lazily rubbed his head, his dead fish eyes looking like he just woke up.
"I'm your teacher, Sakata Gintoki."
"..."
"That's it?"
"That's the whole thing?"
The three twitched at the corners of their mouths. This was hands down the shortest self-introduction they'd ever heard.
If every boss talked like this guy, the world would be so much more efficient.
"Of course. Among men, a name's all that's needed. Now—training time!"
"..."
Creeeak…
Silence descended like fog on Cambridge.
Kamishiro twitched uncontrollably. Yep, this was definitely the same white-haired idiot he remembered.
That brainless speech, those lifeless eyes… Kamishiro could already guess why Gintoki had suddenly become a teacher.
He probably ran out of money for pachinko!!
"Um, Gin-san, maybe you should introduce the two beside you?"
"Oh… them? Just brats from my place. High schoolers. It's their first class, so they tagged along."
Gintoki waved his hand with a grumpy expression.
These two were the reason he had to go get a job! When it was just him, the Yorozuya had been enough to live on!
"I'm Shimura Shinpachi. Nice to meet you."
"Kagura-chan aru!"
!!!
"This totally violates the rules! Why are you allowed to bring family to class?! Isn't this school full of enough delinquents already?!"
"There's no way that monster girl is a high schooler!"
While Kamishiro went to negotiate, Iori and Kohei exchanged panicked glances.
Then they glanced at the girl with the dumpling hair…
Kagura: :)
{{(°△°; ")}}!
That dumb smile made them immediately avert their eyes. After the beating they'd taken, Kagura had left a lasting trauma on both of them.
How could someone so tiny be so terrifyingly strong?
Kohei, for the first time ever, lost all interest in high school girls…
"Kitahara, I think we need to leave this place!"
"Right, I've got a really bad feeling being around these three!"
"But if we run, we won't get credit…"
Kamishiro joined the convo~
Honestly, he still wanted to get closer to Gin-san. Who knew—this might even be a recruitable character!
"Bastard! This is all your fault!"
"You should seriously go to hell!"
"!? How is this my fault?! It was the school's false advertising! Don't worry, trial classes like this usually give free credits anyway. The teacher wants good reviews too!"
Kamishirotried to reassure the two with his eyes. Based on what he knew about Gintoki, the guy would totally bail if things got annoying. So credits would probably come easily.
"Alright, intros over. Time to warm up. Start with a 3km run."
With that, Gintoki lay on the floor and pulled out an erotic magazine from who-knows-where.
SWOOSH!
Two pairs of demon eyes glared at Kamishiro.
Simple?
Credits directly given?
3km would literally kill them!
Kamishiro froze in place, staring at Gintoki in disbelief.
Forget the 3km—where the hell was the self-intro he promised?!
They didn't even get to say their names!
"Hmm? Something wrong, kids?"
Gintoki looked up, puzzled. Were today's college kids always this rebellious?
Wrong?
EVERYTHING IS WRONG!!!
The three screamed inside. Sure, warm-ups are fine…
But why 3km?! This isn't track and field!
And seriously? The teacher gets to read porn during class?!
Iori couldn't take it anymore. He had to speak up.
As for Kamishiro?
Already abandoned.
"Gin-san, don't you think it's a little inappropriate to read that kind of book during class? Also, 3km seems a bit much—it's supposed to be a kendo class, right?"
"Pfft~ There's no wrong time or place for that kind of book, kid. And kendo requires tons of stamina!"
Suddenly, Gintoki's expression turned serious.
His eyes sharpened like a true warrior's. From lazy uncle to battle-hardened soldier in a flash!
Gulp…
The three swallowed nervously.
Could it be?
Was this white-haired guy actually serious about teaching them?
"You must increase your speed—to escape your enemies' pursuit!"
"..."
(???)
They knew it.
Even though it was their first time meeting him, there was this strange familiarity…
Because deep down, they knew:
This guy's a total scum.
"What are you even saying, Gin-san?" Shinpachi couldn't take it anymore. Good thing he came too—otherwise there'd be complaints for sure.
"Gin-san was just joking. But seriously, stamina is important in kendo. Let's test yours first. We'll cover kendo techniques later."
"Yup! 3km is easy-peasy, aru!"
(?_? )
Of course the superhuman girl would think that…
But they were just frail college boys, long past their high school prime!
"After that, we'll do 500 sword swings. Isn't that exciting? When I first started, I wasn't even allowed to touch a sword on the first day."
Shinpachi beamed with excitement, clearly eager to train with everyone.
!!!
Kamishiro!!!
Once again, demon eyes locked onto Kamishiro Shiro.
This is totally a scam—and Kamishiro Shiro is the ringleader!
{{(°△°; "}}!
Even Shiro himself was startled by that number. They were just here to slack off, so why did it suddenly feel like they were seriously expected to study kendo?
What's the point of learning kendo in today's society anyway?! Modern firearms are king!
"Outside seven steps, the gun is faster; within seven steps, the gun is both fast and accurate!"
Why not use this time to slack off, read some magazines, play games, or attend a drinking party?!
Shiro had already given up. Even if his sensei was Gintoki, it was impossible!
Who the hell has a youth life that includes studying kendo?!
"Ahem, Gintoki-sensei, is there a chance—just maybe—you slack off, I slack off, and then we both just get the credits?"
Wouldn't a happy ending be nice for everyone?
At that, those dead fish eyes finally moved away from the picture of long legs.
"Sigh…" Gintoki let out a heavy sigh. "Listen, kid… I'm a teacher. If I just give you credits like that, do I still count as a teacher?!"
"..."
Shiro didn't reply. He knew this white-haired bastard definitely had something else up his sleeve.
"So let's settle it with a duel, boy. 100,000 yen as the commission!"
(??ω??)
Well, making money off college students should be fair game~
What's that?
Professional ethics?
Please. He's just a temporary who hasn't even been officially hired yet. This is called side income—saving misguided youth from going astray!
"A duel??!"
The three of them stared in disbelief at the white-haired man, who could barely suppress his laughter. Was this guy really a teacher?
Never mind dueling with a student—why the hell was he charging for it?! What kind of job did you people have before becoming teachers?!
"Gintoki-sensei, this duel thing…"
Just as Shiro was about to use his silver tongue technique, a hand suddenly blocked him.
He turned his head to see the blond guy casually fixing his hair.
"Shiro, if it's a duel, leave it to me."
(′｀;)?
Shiro and Iori were both confused. Why was this golden retriever suddenly acting so badass? Could he be that legendary kendo prodigy who gave up his family's swordsmanship heritage to chase a virtual anime world?!
Actually… he had mentioned something about his family business before.
"Kohei, are you sure?"
"Didn't you say you knew nothing about tennis before?"
"Heh." Hearing their doubtful tone, Kohei scoffed. "Relax. This is nothing like tennis. Dueling is a piece of cake for me!"
Seeing Kohei's confident face, they let go of their doubts. The last time he had that expression was when he was playing a galgame.
"Damn, didn't know he was hiding his skills."
"Alright, it's all on you!"
"No problem!" Kohei lifted his chin proudly like a knight standing before two princesses, ready to face the white-haired demon lord with midlife vibes!
"So… you're my opponent?"
Kohei seemed to glow with golden energy. Even Gintoki was starting to take things seriously.
"Looks like I've met a formidable little punk," Gintoki muttered, getting up to face him. Time to take this seriously.
After all… it's 100,000 yen on the line! That's ten Fukuzawa bills—he had to go all in!
But right then, a figure stepped in front of him.
"Gin-san, let me handle this guy."
Shinpachi's eyes were burning with resolve. He was determined to face this one person himself.
"Huh? What's wrong?"
Gintoki scratched his head, confused by why his own junior was so fired up. Was it because he'd never seen that much money before?
"Poor kid…"
"Please, Gintoki-san!"
"Alright, he's yours. But if you lose, you're not getting paid this month, Shinpachi."
Since the kid was so serious, Gintoki gave up his spot and began observing Kohei curiously. What was it about him that triggered Shinpachi?
…
Though this duel came out of nowhere, the others stepped back to give the two room.
Kohei and Shinpachi stared at each other intensely.
"You… you're one of us, aren't you?!"
Kohei said grimly. The kid across from him had been staring at the Rarako design on his shirt from the start.
"So you noticed… As expected of a fan of Rarako-sama. But… I'm her true first knight!"
Shinpachi made no effort to hide his intention. Sure, finding a fellow fan was nice, but Kohei's presence threatened his standing!
"Hah, just as I thought. Then there's only one answer—a duel!"
ゴゴゴゴゴ ゴゴゴゴゴ ゴゴゴゴゴ
Kohei agreed. Two tigers can't share the same mountain—when two hardcore fans meet, one must fall!
"..."
Outside the ring—
Except for Kagura-chan, who had no idea what they were talking about, the rest of the group's faces were completely shadowed with disbelief.
They had considered a thousand possible reasons for this duel—but this?!
Especially Gintoki—he had already imagined a 36-episode TV drama in his head, only to find out it was about a magical girl anime?!
Wasn't this kind of obsession supposed to end in middle school?!
"Does that guy even know what kind of duel this is?"
Even Iori, who had just started believing in Kohei, was now seriously doubting what was about to happen.
"No… This might actually be better."
Shiro, on the other hand, was gaining confidence. After all, in his memory, Shinpachi had been learning kendo since he was a kid.
He had even been ready to cheat and deny the duel afterward, but now that might not be necessary!
"As long as this duel is about Rarako,that guy will not lose!"
Hearing that, Iori finally understood.
Yes! When it comes to Rarako, voice actresses, or little sisters—Kohei can surpass human limits!
That anxious heart instantly relaxed. He was already planning what to do instead of attending class.
…
"Then, let the duel begin—aru!"
With the idiot's cue, the two launched at each other at the same time.
"Haah!"
"Duel!"
Their auras peaked instantly!
But the next second—
Everyone froze when they saw what Kohei was holding.
Their fighting spirit disappeared like a toilet flush.
Silence. Deep, awkward silence.
"Huh? Why'd you stop? Also—why are you holding a wooden sword?!"
Kohei barked angrily at Shinpachi like he was the one ruining this sacred duel.
"Gghh…"
All Shinpachi could do was twitch silently. Looking at the Yu-Gi-Oh! cards in Kohei's hand, he felt like he had just lost in his strongest domain…
"What the hell are you doing?! This is a sacred du—mmph mmph!"
Kohei tried to keep yelling but was dragged away by his two friends.
Iori and Shiro held their heads in despair.
They were stupid enough to believe a damn otaku could do kendo!
"This is the 'duel' you were talking about?!"
"Didn't you say it was totally fine?!"
"It IS fine! Obviously, when you say 'duel,' the first thing that comes to mind is Yu-Gi-Oh! That glasses guy is the one defiling it!"
"..."
(???)
This guy is beyond help.
Did he forget what class we're in right now?!
PFFT!
Kohei's words stabbed into Shinpachi like a dagger.
(*?????)
What could he do? This was kendo class! Who the hell thinks of card games here?!
Oh, you're saying a true anime fan would think of that?
…Fair enough.
Waaahhh!!
#Hug
While the three were still arguing, a white-haired figure suddenly grabbed them all into a hug.
The smell of a middle-aged man filled the air—
"Hey you three brats, you're not messing with the sensei, are you? If so, I might just change the warm-up run from 3km to 10km."
Σ(っ °Д °;)っ
Are you a demon or something?!
Once again, they questioned the very nature of this school. Not only were the students all delinquents—even the teachers were insane!
"By the way, don't forget the sensei's ten Fukuzawa bills~"
!!!
"Wait! Why did it suddenly become your ten bills?!" Kamashiro Shiro got riled up. Want to win money from his pocket?
Dream on!
"This right here, as I just said, costs 100,000 yen to get a chance at a challenge. And clearly, it was that yellow-haired brat who lost just now."
"Nonsense! I followed the rules of a Duel from Yu-Gi-Oh!"
"Suuuure, but unfortunately, this is a kendo class. Neither of you is Kaiba or Yugi. If you want to duel, try something like Bleach style. Worst case, just go Super Saiyan and beat each other up."
Gintoki waved his hand dismissively. He had absolutely no intention of acknowledging a Yu-Gi-Oh! style duel.
"Damn it!"
Kohei angrily pounded the ground. In his heart, only card games counted as a proper duel!
Of course... if it were strip rock-paper-scissors, he'd probably accept that too~
"Wait, Teacher Gintoki!" At the critical moment, Iori spoke up. "The duel hasn't actually started yet, so isn't it a little early to reach a conclusion?"
"Oh? You mean you want this golden-haired brat to go up there and swing his Blue-Eyes White Dragon at Shinpachi's wooden sword?"
"Sensei, I think what he means is... it looks like Shinpachi has lost his will to fight."
Kamashiro Shiro grinned maliciously and pointed toward Shinpachi, who now sat lifelessly in the corner like a soulless husk. Next to him, Kagura was pestering him.
"Hey hey, Shinpachi, I'm hungry. I want egg rice. Tea rice is okay too, aru."
"I'm not a true otaku... I'm not a true otaku... I'm not a true…"
"Shinpachi! Shinpachi!"
"I'm not…"
Thud!
Shinpachi's forehead made intimate contact with the floor. The culprit, Kagura, looked at Gintoki innocently. "Gin-chan, I'm hungry, aru."
Gintoki's face darkened—his iconic dead-eyed expression returning.
What the hell are these two brats even doing?!
"Man~ Teacher Gintoki, looks like Four-Eyes lost combat ability. Need us to go finish him off?"
Kamashiro Shiro teased. Beside him, Kohei had already whipped out three Blue-Eyes White Dragon cards—the kind with razor-sharp edges~
Σ(っ °Д °;)っ
"Wait a sec!!"
Now it was Gintoki's turn to panic. If these brats really got their way, not only would he lose the 100,000 yen, but he might also lose his job!
This class was only on trial, and the higher-ups could drop in for an inspection at any time.
They wouldn't care about excuses. They'd just rip up your appointment and kick you out!
"Ahahahaha! Well, since Shinpachi isn't the teacher, that bet obviously doesn't count. From here on out, I'll be your opponent. Come on then—duel me, you little brats!"
"..."
Looking at the shameless white-haired man, the three of them exploded in unison.
"Let's just send this guy back to his hometown."
"I think the lab has some liquid nitrogen lying around."
"Let's freeze him solid with that!"
BAM BAM BAM!!!
"Could you three NOT plot behind my back while I'm still standing here?!"
Lake Toya sword triple strike! Kamashiro Shiro and the other two were knocked out cold without resistance.
Gintoki coolly sheathed his sword and popped a strawberry-flavored lollipop into his mouth.
"Alright, brats, duel's over. Now go run laps."
With that, he turned to walk off, ready to resume reading his magazine.
In his heart, he was already planning to use that 100,000 yen at the pachinko parlor.
"Sensei! It's not over yet!"
"Don't think you've beaten us that easily, bastard!"
"We haven't even shown our true power yet!"
Hearing their voices, Gintoki was a bit surprised. Then the corners of his lips curled into a grin—
Looks like he'd underestimated these brats a little.
What's with them? Each one's full of samurai spirit. It was kind of inspiring!
He slowly turned around.
"Well then, if that's how it is, the three of you can—wait… what's that in your hands?"
(???)
He thought he'd turn around and see three proud, unyielding samurai.
But he was dead wrong. Completely off base…
These three were clearly journalists!!!
What's with the professional-grade cameras, lighting gear, and sound equipment?!
Are these guys trying to shoot some kind of AV side hustle or what?
Click click click!!!
Blinding flashes lit up the scene. Kamashiro Shiro and his team went into full 360-degree no-dead-angle photo capture mode.
They even made him strike a few poses~
"What the hell are you doing?! Don't think taking a few pictures gets you out of paying the 100,000 yen! Though... if you want sensei to be the star of an adult film, I might consider it."
"Heh, such a naive teacher."
"You have no idea just how much of a scumbag Shiro really is."
Iori and Kohei shook their heads. The moment Shiro pulled out his camera, they knew—someone was going to suffer!
Sure enough, Shiro pulled out his phone.
"Sensei Gintoki, times have changed. There's this thing called Photoshop, you know. You wouldn't want to become one of those guys, right~?"
(??ω??)
Grinning devilishly, Shiro opened the school forum, showing Iori and Kohei's old posts—full of shameful, compromising photos~
Σ(っ °Д °;)っ
Gintoki, new to Izu University, was horrified. He stared at Iori and Kohei in disbelief and quickly covered his little idiot's eyes.
"These are real?!"
"Ah, just a bit of photoshopping, Sensei. If you'd like, I can 'shop' you into them too. We got plenty of material from those pics we just took~"
(?_? )
Iori and Kohei stood silently. If they didn't still need Shiro to work his magic, they would've chopped that bastard into pieces by now.
Photoshop, my ass. Those pictures were 100% real—and all taken by Shiro himself.
He knew exactly how damning those photos were, and still used the "Photoshop" excuse to cover it up!
Then why the hell did you upload them to the forum, you demon?!
Devil! ×3
All three silently gave Shiro the same verdict—
This guy is straight from hell.
Gintoki's face twisted through a range of expressions. He didn't personally mind this kind of thing too much—but the school leadership absolutely would!
This kind of scandal could totally cost him his full-time position!
"Sigh… fine, fine, brats. I'll drop the 100,000 yen. But don't think you can just walk away with course credits. That would violate the rules. Go run laps."
After much deliberation, Gintoki gave up. Better to stay employed. The 100,000 yen would have to be sacrificed.
Unfortunately…
That's not what Shiro and the others wanted at all.
"No no no, Sensei Gintoki, you misunderstood. We're just asking for a fair duel."
"A fair duel?"
"That's right. A very fair duel~"
Kamashiro Shiro's lips curled into a devilish smile.
He could use the photos to threaten him directly, but that was too risky. It might provoke a scorched-earth response. These three didn't look like they cared about shame at all.
The strategy of boiling a frog slowly was much better for achieving their goal without raising suspicion.
The three exchanged a glance—they just wanted a fair duel~
One that didn't involve swords.
（λ?_??）