Long-missed Izu University.
"Ha~"
Kamishiro greeted the two guys in front of him with his signature panda-eyed look and an exhausted face.
"Morning, you two bastards."
"Morning. Hey, what's with that worn-out look on your face?"
Iori didn't mind the insult. He was used to it—"bastard" was practically a term of endearment among them by now.
What really caught his attention was the panda eyes.
They had only been back from Palau for two days!
How did this guy manage to make himself look like an endangered species in just two days?
Was he preparing to get sold off?
Raising his market value?
"Ugh…" Kamishiro sighed, recalling the past two days—
It had been hellish!
(???Д??)
Kiyoko and Sakurako, like they had it all planned out, each abducted him for a full day.
He broke his personal record…
Most times in one day!
He was totally drained. Not a drop left!
(っ╥╯﹏╰╥c)
He didn't even want to look at women anymore. All he wanted was to be with his bros!
Hearing this, Iori was so jealous his eyes turned red!
"You lucky bastard, go die! Die!"
If he'd known Kamishiro had this kind of life every day, he would've blown his place up long ago!
"Tsk… You just don't get it~"
Kamishiro turned his back with a wistful sigh. That life—wasn't nearly as glorious as Kitahara imagined.
Because the real beauty of life? Was something Iori couldn't even begin to understand!
Hahahahahaha!
Poor Kitahara could only sit in his room, watching the latest adult videos, and fiddle with that thing he'd been messing with for the last twenty years!
He'd never know the softness of a woman's skin, the warmth of a hug, or the passion of a kiss~
One minute later
He'd be shivering from release, filled only with emptiness!
Then he'd slump back into his chair, staring at the tissues on the floor, drowning in regret.
In that regret, he would resolutely close the video—one where he hadn't even finished the first round.
And swear to himself: Next time, I'll find a real girlfriend!
(λ?_??)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(ps: Kamishiro's behavior has nothing to do with the author. The author also doesn't have a girlfriend!)
Just imagining that scene made Kamishiro feel a lot better.
As expected—human happiness is all about comparisons~
So satisfying!!!
Iori gritted his teeth as he looked at Kamishiro's mysteriously smiling face.
He didn't know what the bastard was thinking—but he was sure it wasn't anything good for him!
Tightened.
His fists were clenched!
Why the hell hadn't this guy just died in bed!?
"Now, now, don't get worked up~"
Seeing Iori's dark expression, Kamishiro tried to calm him down. "You really should reflect on yourself instead."
"Huh?"
Iori looked dumbfounded. Reflect on why I didn't stop you?
Fair. That was worth reflecting on.
"Don't be so riled up. Just look at Kouhei."
Iori followed Kamishiro's gaze to see Kouhei looking just as sleep-deprived.
"What happened to you?"
Iori couldn't believe it—was this idiot also worn out from women!?
Noticing their looks, Kouhei smiled proudly and said, "Obviously I was researching the summer anime season! Wanna see?"
"..."
"Nope…"
Kamishiro and Iori averted their eyes.
It was probably magical girls or something like that again. Compared to that, they were more interested in naughty stuff.
Seeing their rejection, Kouhei simply ignored them.
Once a conversation about anime started, there was no escape!
"This time, in episode 21, Lalako and the first season…"
"..."
Kamishiro regretted it. He should've never shifted the topic to Kouhei.
Now, on their way to class, a buzzing fly had joined them.
To escape him, the two began walking faster and faster—turning their stroll into a full-on race-walk.
Unfortunately, even after arriving at the classroom, they couldn't shake that damn fly.
In the Classroom
Seeing their long-lost buddies again, both Kamishiro and Iori smiled.
"Hey guys!"
"How was your summer vacation?"
"…Involved a time-travel plot, very complete stor—Pfft!!"
That annoying voice was finally silenced—with a tag-team double smack from two guys!
Watching this scene full of bromantic love, Yamamoto and the others nodded quietly.
That familiar feeling~
They were back. Everything was back!
Fujiwara: "I went home and drank with some old friends."
Yamamoto: "Me too."
Mitarai: "Rie kidnapped me to her hometown."
???
Kamishiro and Iori both stared at Mitarai in confusion.
So… why does your situation seem a little different?
They then glanced at Yamamoto and Fujiwara — the message was clear:
"You guys cool with this?"
"Wouldn't be surprised if he graduated during his hometown trip."
As close friends, Yamamoto obviously understood what they meant. Resting his chin on his hands, he said, "Relax, we've already confirmed — this guy is still a virgin!"
"Oh?"
"How'd you test that?"
Kamishiro was a little curious. That sort of thing should only be verifiable when you do it, right?
Of course, if you've been rewarding yourself too many times, you could still fake being a first-timer.
（λ?_??）
"Heh…"
At that point, Mitarai's smile turned bitter.
That bastard Yamamoto actually made him call Rie directly to verify whether he was still a virgin!
Mitarai immediately refused. He felt no obligation to disclose his "status" to Yamamoto.
Two minutes later…
Faced with the choice of being buried alive or making the call, Mitarai gave in and made the call.
"Rie, we haven't, you know… done it yet, right?"
Now, to be fair, the sentence itself wasn't all that weird. It was a simple question — at least, that's what Mitarai thought.
But!
To Rie, it meant something entirely different.
She thought Mitarai was trying to back out of their relationship!
No sex = no relationship = breaking up!
By his calculation, Rie should arrive at the scene in just a few minutes now.
Kamishiro sighed and walked over to Mitarai.
"I'll never forget the time you took my place as a scapegoat!"
"Why a scapegoat!!! And now's not the time to get emotional — help me figure out a plan, dammit!!!"
Mitarai was panicking. He still thought he might be able to salvage this!
"No saving you now. Accept your fate." ×5
"At least pretend to think of something!!!"
Ding ding ding～
Just as Mitarai was considering whether to write a will or ditch class, his phone buzzed.
A message from his girlfriend — the apex predator of combat power.
"You wait for me. I'll be there after class!"
At that moment…
Mitarai experienced what it truly meant to be pulled from the brink of death.
Praise the teacher!
He looked out at the blue sky and suddenly felt that being alive was a wonderful thing～
"Tch!"
Kamishiro and the others clicked their tongues in annoyance. That bastard actually made it through alive — what a pity!
Ignoring Mitarai, who was basking in the joy of life, Yamamoto turned to Kamishiro, Iori, and Kohei.
"So what did you guys do over the summer break? Probably nothing too exciting, right?"
If it was too exciting, he'd get jealous!
The three thought back over their summer. Hmm… it was okay?
"Oh, us? Pretty much the same as you. Just went back to our hometowns."
Iori: "Went shirtless and beat up a German guy. Also fell off a cliff on a deserted island."
Kohei: "Appeared nude on a TV show in Palau."
Kamishiro: "Experienced life in a research lab, visited my sister, directed a film, and got the phone number of a producer from IP Studio."
"..."
Yamamoto was stunned. Did Kamishiro just say 'pretty much the same'?
What the hell is same about any of that!?
That's so different, okay!?
Yamamoto was jealous. Why were other people's summers so cool? Even went to Palau!
Meanwhile, he was at home… being nagged by his mom!
(*?????)
Not wanting to look at Yamamoto's crying ugly face, Kamishiro changed the subject. "By the way… is that guy over there a little weird?"
They all turned toward the window — over there stood a guy with a bizarre pose, outfit, and expression.
Like some sort of performance art piece!
"So… what's up with him?"
Kamishiro had been wanting to ask. His whole look screamed backstory.
Just like…
"A makeover after an unforgettable summer!"
That's it — that was the vibe!
"You're quite insightful, huh?"
Everyone turned their eyes to Kohei — he was the one who voiced the oddly specific observation.
Seeing their puzzled looks, Kohei pulled out his phone. "Give me a second."
Iori: "What are you doing?"
"Finding an example of a 'dramatic summer-to-fall transformation' for you guys."
Kohei then showed them a picture. The outfit in the photo wasn't just similar to Nojima's…
It was identical!
"Pfft—"
Everyone burst out laughing.
"That guy's too much…"
"Is he that desperate to pretend he got a girlfriend?"
"What gets me is… he's copying someone else! Can't he be original? This is like Googling for username ideas!"
"In a way, he's kind of impressive…"
Terrifying execution ability and shamelessness～
"..."
Maybe because he noticed all eyes on him, Nojima — who was striking a dramatic pose by the window — started muttering to himself.
"What's he saying?"
Everyone was curious and leaned in a bit.
A deliberately deep voice reached their ears:
"That summer… is gone forever…"
"PFFT!!!"
Kamishiro and the others clutched their mouths in agony.
They were barely holding in their laughter!
"Did he just… narrate his own life?"
"Sounds like a movie tagline."
"How is this not chuuni (cringe)?"
"There is a difference. Chuuni types live in their own delusion. This guy's just trying to get our attention and look cool."
They were truly losing it now. It was like middle school all over again.
Back then, to stand out and show you were different, you'd call yourself "This Lord," "This Young Master," or even "This Princess."
And you'd do all sorts of incomprehensible things～
People like that, just like chuuni kids, usually spend their whole lives trying to hide this embarrassing history!
Don't believe it?
Go dig up their social media from back then — just look at that guy Mori as an example.
Puhahaha!
With that thought, Kamishiro quickly pulled out his beloved camera. The forum headline for today was locked in!
"Post-summer transformation of idiot group member — the reason behind it has everyone in stitches?"
（λ?_??）
Go, Nojima! Stick to your bit!
"Looks like he's going for the 'heartfelt romance and bittersweet farewell at a travel destination' angle."
Kohei, stroking his chin like a narrator, continued his commentary.
Everyone burst out laughing again.
Yamamoto: "Pfft, like that guy ever went on vacation."
Fujiwara: "Right? He literally said he spent the whole summer at home…"
Iori: "Now I have to know the full plot."
Kohei: "Oh?"
Hearing the request from his best bros, Kohei was fired up. He marched straight toward Nojima.
"Leave it to me!"
"Huh?"
Iori and the others were confused — what was Kohei up to?
Only Kamishiro seemed to get it, immediately following with his trusty camera.
Charge, Kohei!
This was going to be his directorial debut!
…
At that moment, Kohei walked up to Nojima and, with the seriousness of a veteran, patted him on the shoulder.
"This love of yours… must've been painful, huh."
Pfft!!!
Great, Iori and the others had already figured out what Kohei was trying to do and were furiously pounding the table, trying not to burst out laughing.
They still wanted to see how Nojima would continue to make things up!
Nojima's body stiffened—he probably hadn't expected Kohei to suddenly jump in like that. "Kohei, you understand me?"
"Yes!"
Hearing that firm response, Nojima felt a ripple in his heart.
As expected…
This decision of his was the right one!
All that time he spent online looking up guides wasn't wasted!
"Even just recalling it must be painful, right?"
Hearing Kohei's words, Nojima seemed to get a new wave of inspiration and followed up, "You're right. But I don't want to recall it—
I just don't want the emotions between me and her to fade!"
PFFT!!!
This time it was Kamishiro who burst out. His hand holding the camera was trembling.
What a character!
An absolute gem!
He had to save this video no matter what!
This would be a black mark on Nojima's life—a memory so cringe-inducing that he'd want to slap himself whenever he remembered it in middle age!
Kamishiro couldn't help but admire Kohei a little. Out of everyone, only he had managed to hold back his laughter.
Now that's true willpower!
"Can I ask something?"
"You want to ask about our memories together?"
Gazing out the window at the beautiful scenery, Nojima smiled. He had done plenty of homework in advance!
Come, let these mortals witness my wonderful summer romance! (delusion)
However, Kohei's next question completely wiped the smile off Nojima's face.
"No, what I want to ask is... her name."
Nojima: "...Eh?"
At that moment, Nojima froze. The name...
Crap!
I never even thought of a name for the heroine!
"Puhahaha!"
"That guy slipped back into his original voice at the end!"
"It's obvious he never even thought about the girl's name!"
Iori and the others trembled while covering their mouths.
How could someone be this funny? He'd put on such an act, pretending to have had a sweet summer romance.
But when asked—
He hadn't even come up with the heroine's name.
Hahahahahahahaha!!!
Because Iori and the others were holding back somewhat—and because Kohei was keeping attention on himself—Nojima still hadn't noticed something was off.
After a moment of surprise, Nojima quickly regained his composure.
It's just a name—he could make one up easily!
"She's called Elena."
"Hm?"
As soon as Nojima said the name, everyone—including Kamishiro—felt something was off.
This name... sounded oddly familiar.
Pfft!
While the others were still thinking about where they'd heard it, Yamamoto burst out laughing.
"What is it, Yamamoto?"
Seeing the confused expressions on the others' faces, Yamamoto clutched his stomach and explained shakily, "Elena—that's the name of the hot private tutor Nojima bragged about before!"
At those words, Kamishiro and the others finally remembered.
Back when they were all joking around in the past, Nojima had once fantasized about a college-aged private tutor named Elena.
Puhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Hahahahahahahaha!!!
That name was the final straw for Kamishiro and the others.
They couldn't hold it in anymore and burst into wild laughter.
Yup, they were mocking him.
"You even reused an old fantasy character for your story, Nojima—at least be a little original!"
"Elena was your tutor and then went traveling with you? That's a busy schedule!"
"Nojima, man~"
"I'm dying! My stomach hurts from laughing!"
Listening to their sarcastic laughter, Nojima finally noticed their reactions—and realized his plan to reinvent himself over the summer had completely failed!
No!
He couldn't give up now! If he did, he'd be the laughingstock of the entire university!
Determined, Nojima stubbornly said, "Hmph, you guys just don't get it. The two aren't mutually exclusive. If Elena were here, she could vouch for me!"
Despite Nojima's insistence, the others continued laughing with mocking looks in their eyes.
Iori: "Sure, sure, Elena went traveling with you to celebrate getting into college."
Kamishiro: "Just keep the story for us, okay? Don't start believing it yourself. If you do, every girl named Elena in the world will be cursed."
Mitari: "If you say that, I had a fan club in junior high 'cause I was too popular."
Nojima: "!!!"
If he could handle the sarcasm from Iori and Kamishiro, Mitari's remark was too much!
"Mitari, don't spout nonsense!"
Kohei looked at Nojima in disbelief. You're clearly the one talking nonsense—how do you have the nerve to say that to others?
Mitari: "Hah? If one of my junior high classmates were here, they could confirm it."
"I see, I'll go ask Rie then,"
Kamishiro said, pulling out his phone. This doppelgänger had become way too cocky—he needed to be put in his place!
But to everyone's surprise, Mitari didn't stop him. Instead, he waved his hand grandly and said, "Go ahead! Ask all you want! Rie and I weren't in the same school in junior high anyway."
He raised his head like a victorious rooster.
"I see..."
Kamishiro nodded thoughtfully and then suddenly said, "Well then, what if I just tell her you had a fan club in junior high—what would you do?"
"What's the bi—wait, what?!"
Mitari's smug expression froze. He suddenly remembered—
Rie didn't know he had a fan club.
And knowing her personality—how she didn't even let him talk to other girls...
He'd be dead meat!
"No! Bro, please don't!"
Realizing what would happen, Mitari scrambled toward Kamishiro to stop him.
Too bad—
Too late~
When it came to Mitari-related messages, Rie usually replied instantly.
Girlfriend (Rie): "smile.jpg"
"..."
"Well, that's what she said,"
Kamishiro replied calmly, like he'd been possessed by senior Tokita—calm and natural.
Natural black-hearted, that is!