Chapter 3: Kuro's Katana Ballet and the Pursuit of Speed
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: NEW ADVENTURE PATH INITIATED. NEXT TARGET: SYRUP VILLAGE. RECOMMENDED ACTION: ENGINEER DEATH. ACQUISITION: PUSSYFOOT MANEUVER.]
"Syrup Village. As in, Captain Kuro? The guy with the super-speedy claws and the terrible habit of pretending to be a butler? This is going to be fun. Not 'exploding clown' fun, but definitely 'psychopathic butler ninja' fun. And hey, a speed boost? Sign me up! My current jogging speed is 'molasses in January'."
After the… enlightening experience in Orange Town, where I successfully managed to annoy Nami to the point of existential dread and acquire the Chop-Chop Fruit, the Going Merry set sail once more. The days that followed were a chaotic blend of Luffy's boundless energy, Zoro's impressive napping abilities, and Nami's constant attempts to interrogate me about the location of Buggy's treasure.
"Adam," Nami growled, poking me with her navigator's staff. "Where is it? I know you didn't just 'make it disappear.' Is it in your pockets? Are your pockets like some kind of black hole?"
I casually detached my arm, letting it stretch out and wave dismissively. "My dear Nami, a magician never reveals his secrets. Especially not when those secrets involve vast amounts of untraceable Beri. Besides, think of it as an investment. For the crew. For our future. For when we need to buy, say, a giant, golden statue of me."
"A statue of you?!" she shrieked, her eyes practically bugging out.
"It's just an idea!" I quickly retorted, reattaching my arm. "But seriously, don't worry. It's safe. Very, very safe. Safer than Buggy's vault, anyway."
Zoro, who had been listening to our usual banter with one eye open, merely snorted. "You're a weird one, immortal guy."
"It's Adam, actually," I corrected. "And 'weird' is just a synonym for 'exceptionally interesting,' don't you think?"
My compass, meanwhile, had begun its familiar hum, pointing steadfastly towards Syrup Village. The system's prompt for Kuro's "Pussyfoot Maneuver" was particularly intriguing. Speed. Yes. I could definitely use more speed. My current combat strategy involved mostly standing there and letting people hit me, which, while effective, wasn't exactly graceful.
"Alright, Kuro. Time to dance. A deadly, choreographed dance where I end up dramatically biting the dust. Don't worry, I'll be back for an encore. And possibly your cool glasses."
As we approached Syrup Village, it became clear that something was amiss. The villagers were… jumpy. And then there was Usopp, the self-proclaimed captain of the Usopp Pirates (which consisted of three utterly adorable, if slightly bewildered, children), yelling about pirates and giants.
"Ah, Usopp!" I exclaimed, spotting the long-nosed storyteller. "My main man! How are the tall tales going? Any new adventures to embellish?"
Usopp, startled, nearly jumped out of his skin. "Who are you?! And how do you know my name?! Are you one of Captain Usopp's eighty million followers?!"
"Something like that," I said, a mischievous grin playing on my lips. "Though I'm more of a 'future crewmate' kind of guy. And speaking of future crewmates, you seem to be in a bit of a pickle. Something about a butler with a killer manicure?"
Usopp's eyes widened. "You know about Klahadore?!"
"Oh, I know all about Klahadore," I said, giving a knowing nod. "Or, as he's more commonly known, Captain Kuro. The super-speedy psycho with the cat claws and the penchant for backstabbing. Don't worry, though. We're here to help. And by 'help,' I mean 'Luffy's going to punch him, Zoro's going to slice him, and I'm going to strategically get killed by him for research purposes.'"
This, understandably, did not reassure Usopp.
The next few hours were a whirlwind of confusing exposition, Luffy's unwavering belief in Usopp's honesty, and my subtle attempts to position myself for the inevitable confrontation with Kuro. The showdown came, as expected, in the forest, near Kaya's mansion. Kuro, having shed his Klahadore disguise, stood revealed in all his terrifying, clawed glory.
"You fools," Kuro hissed, his glasses glinting ominously. "You dare interfere with my plans?"
"Your plans are boring, Klahadore!" Luffy declared, ready for a fight. "And you're a bad butler!"
"Indeed," I chimed in, stepping forward. "Seriously, dude, if you're going to commit grand larceny, at least make it interesting. And maybe invest in a better hair product. That helmet hair is not doing you any favors."
Kuro's eye twitched. "You! You're the one from Shells Town! The one who defied Captain Morgan! You're an annoyance!"
"Oh, I'm much more than an annoyance, Kuro," I said, stretching one arm out, then detaching it and letting it float in the air. "I'm a force of nature. A chaotic good-ish element. And right now, I'm here to experience the exquisite pain of your 'Pussyfoot Maneuver.'"
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: KILLER DETECTED. KURO. RECOMMENDED ACTION: ENGINEER DEATH. ACQUISITION: PUSSYFOOT MANEUVER.]
Kuro's expression hardened. He took a single, silent step, then vanished. The "Pussyfoot Maneuver" was indeed impressive. He was a blur, a whisper of motion, appearing behind Zoro in an instant, then next to Luffy.
"Whoa. That's fast. Like, 'just finished my coffee and I'm already at the office' fast. I could definitely use that. No more tripping over my own feet. Or, you know, getting hit by slow-moving cannonballs."
"Impressive," I said, my voice barely a whisper as he reappeared directly in front of me, his clawed hands raised. "But can you do it while juggling chainsaws?"
Kuro, clearly unused to such brazen mockery, attacked. His claws, razor-sharp and infused with his unnatural speed, were a whirlwind of steel. I didn't even try to dodge. This was a death I wanted. A death I needed.
The first few slashes were like sharp gusts of wind. Then, a sudden, blinding pain, a searing agony across my chest as his claws ripped through flesh and bone. I gasped, falling back. My rubbery body resisted, stretched, but the sheer force and sharpness of his attack were too much. My vision began to tunnel.
"Fool!" Kuro snarled, his eyes gleaming behind his glasses. "You're nothing but a distraction!" He unleashed another flurry of attacks, a horrifying dance of death. My body, already mangled, was reduced to ribbons. The last sensation was the tearing of my very being, a shocking, agonizing experience that still managed to feel… purposeful.
And then, glorious darkness.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: DEATH RECORDED. KILLER: KURO. ABILITY ACQUIRED: PUSSYFOOT MANEUVER. REVIVAL INITIATING. PLEASE WAIT.]
"Oof. That one stung. A lot. Definitely not as clean as the cannonball. But hey, no pain, no gain, right? Now, time for the grand re-entrance. And perhaps a bit of petty revenge."
The world snapped back into vivid, painful focus. I lay on the ground, seemingly untouched, the sounds of battle raging around me. Kuro was still a blur, attacking Luffy and Zoro. Usopp was screaming. The children were huddled together.
I slowly sat up, a triumphant grin on my face, despite the phantom aches. I felt… lighter. Faster. A strange sense of agility coursed through my veins. I could still stretch, still chop, but now, there was a new sensation. A whisper of motion.
"Hey, Kuro!" I called out, my voice clear and strong. "You forgot something!"
Kuro paused, his blur of motion momentarily stilling. He turned, his eyes narrowed, expecting an attack.
Instead, I vanished. Not a stretch, not a chop, but a pure, unadulterated blur of speed. I reappeared directly behind him, mirroring his signature pose, hands clasped, glasses glinting.
"Pussyfoot Maneuver, much?" I whispered in his ear, a triumphant smirk on my face.
Kuro gasped, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Impossible! You… you copied my technique?!"
"Something like that," I said, then blurred away again, appearing a few feet away. "Turns out, you're a pretty good teacher, sensei. Though, I still think your hair product is atrocious. Seriously, invest in some conditioner."
Luffy, meanwhile, was doing his usual, "Whoa! He's fast too!" routine. Zoro, for his part, actually looked impressed, though he'd never admit it.
"You… you're a monster!" Kuro shrieked, his composure completely shattered. He lunged at me again, fueled by desperation and rage.
"And you, Kuro, are a terrible butler!" I retorted, dodging his furious attacks with newfound ease, a graceful, almost taunting ballet of motion. I could see his attacks coming, predict his movements. It was exhilarating. "Seriously, you had it made! A nice, cushy life, a hot meal every day, probably a pension! And you threw it all away for… what? More money? Dude, just ask me, I've got a ring that makes money disappear into my pockets. I could have taught you a thing or two about efficient wealth redistribution."
Kuro was now a gibbering wreck, his attacks becoming wild and uncoordinated. He was no match for a rubbery, choppable, super-speedy immortal who also happened to have a knack for annoying people.
Eventually, Luffy delivered the final, satisfying blow, sending Kuro flying.
As the dust settled, Usopp, who had watched the entire spectacle with a mixture of terror and awe, finally found his voice. "You… you're amazing! You're… a superhero!"
"Just your friendly neighborhood immortal, Usopp," I said, giving him a wink. "Now, about those tall tales… I've got a few new experiences to add to your repertoire. Like, say, the time I died, came back, and then became super-fast. It's a real crowd-pleaser."
Nami, however, was still staring at me, a new, complex emotion swirling in her eyes: grudging respect mixed with utter exasperation. "You are officially the most annoying person I have ever met. And the most terrifying. You just… died! And then got back up and started moving like that!"
"It's a gift," I said with a shrug, still feeling the thrilling hum of my new speed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find some actual food. All this dying and reviving makes a guy hungry."