Chapter 6: The Village's New Favorite Pest
[Adam Yukimura POV]
Konoha. The Hidden Leaf Village. Home of heroes, ramen, and apparently, my new permanent address. After my grand, public declaration of intent to marry Tsunade Senju, and her equally grand, public response of punching me through a significant portion of a civilian building, it was clear I wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon. Not that I wanted to. This place was a goldmine of potential deaths, and more importantly, my future wife was now officially in charge. Talk about convenient.
"Okay, Immortal System," I mused, standing on the balcony of my newly acquired, surprisingly spacious apartment. "Phase two: Operation Annoy the Hokage into Submission. Begin!"
My apartment, purchased with my ill-gotten (but entirely justified, in my opinion) gambling gains, was strategically located with a decent view of the Hokage Mountain. Perfect for my daily declarations. I'd splurged a little, mostly because I figured if I was going to be constantly dying and resurrecting, I might as well have a comfortable place to do it from. Plus, a million Ryo felt pretty good in my pocket, even if it was just the down payment for my system upgrade.
My mornings quickly fell into a routine. Wake up, stretch, contemplate the existential dread of being immortal, and then, most importantly, annoy Tsunade. My methods varied. Sometimes it was a simple, heartfelt (and very loud) shout from my balcony: "GOOD MORNING, TSUNADE, MY LOVE! READY FOR ANOTHER DAY OF MARITAL BLISS?!" This usually resulted in a distant, but palpable, surge of destructive chakra from the Hokage Tower. Other times, I'd get more creative. My "Minor Sand Manipulation" skill, previously used for building surprisingly intricate sandcastles, proved excellent for skywriting. "MARRY ME TSUNADE!" spelled out in shimmering sand against the blue Konoha sky became a semi-regular occurrence, much to the amusement of the villagers and the apoplectic rage of the Hokage.
" Honestly, you'd think she'd appreciate the effort. It takes a lot of sand, you know? And a surprising amount of upper body strength to make those letters legible. Art is pain, darling, and in my case, it's also a mild form of public harassment. "
My unique death count was creeping up, but slowly. I needed to diversify. Konoha was full of unique individuals, each a potential skill donor. I just needed to "accidentally" get in their way.
My first target was a beacon of youthful exuberance: Rock Lee. I found him training in one of Konoha's many practice fields, punching a tree with a ferocity that suggested the tree had personally insulted his eyebrows.
"Lee! My man!" I called out, jogging towards him, putting on my most innocent, slightly bewildered civilian face. "What a display of youthful vigor! Truly inspiring! Say, I've been trying to get into shape, but I just can't seem to get the hang of it. Any tips?"
Lee, ever earnest, stopped his training, his eyes blazing with the fires of youth. "Ah, a fellow seeker of strength! The path to true power lies in hard work, dedication, and the power of the Springtime of Youth! Perhaps a spar, to truly understand the essence of taijutsu?"
"A spar?" I feigned surprise. "Oh, I couldn't possibly! I'm just a humble civilian. I'd probably get myself killed!"
"Nonsense!" Lee declared, striking a dramatic pose. "Even a civilian can find their inner strength! Come, let us embrace the challenge!"
" Oh, you sweet, naive, green-clad angel of destruction. You have no idea how much I'm counting on that last part. "
I "sparred" with Lee. Which mostly involved me flailing wildly, pretending to be utterly outmatched, and strategically positioning myself for maximum impact. Lee, in his enthusiasm, quickly escalated, eventually unleashing his Full Lotus. I "tripped" right into the path of his final, devastating punch.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: ROCK LEE (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC INTERNAL GATE CHAKRA FLOW (Passive) - A minor improvement in chakra circulation within your body, leading to slightly enhanced physical endurance. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (ROCK LEE): 0 ]
I gasped, sitting up from the rather impressive crater I'd created. My body felt… invigorated. Like I'd just had a really good, albeit violent, massage.
"Wow, Lee! That was… invigorating!" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet. "I feel… lighter! More energetic! Is this what 'youth' feels like? Because if so, I'm signing up for more!"
Lee beamed, giving me a thumbs-up. "Indeed! The Springtime of Youth is a powerful force! Keep training, and you too shall achieve greatness!"
"Oh, I plan on it, buddy," I muttered, dusting myself off. "I plan on it. Next stop, bug boy."
Shino Aburame. The quiet, bug-obsessed ninja. He was usually found in secluded areas, communing with his creepy-crawly companions. Perfect. He wouldn't expect a random civilian to suddenly start bothering him.
I found him in a quiet grove, observing a colony of beetles. "Shino! My man! Or, should I say, my… bug-man?" I said, approaching cautiously. "Fascinating creatures, aren't they? So many legs. So many… antennae. Do they ever, like, have little bug parties? With tiny bug hats?"
Shino slowly turned, his dark glasses obscuring his eyes. "You are… interrupting my research." His voice was flat, devoid of emotion.
"Oh, my apologies!" I said, feigning innocence. "I just had so many questions! Like, do they ever get lonely? Do they have favorite snacks? And if I were to, say, accidentally step on one, would they send their entire family after me for revenge?"
Shino's hand twitched. A low buzzing sound began to emanate from his jacket. "My Kikaichu are… protective."
"Right, right, protective," I nodded, inching closer. "So, if I were to, hypothetically, offer them a tiny, delicious crumb of my lunch, would they be grateful? Or would they just, you know, swarm me and eat me alive?" I then, with exaggerated clumsiness, "accidentally" dropped a handful of crumbs right near his sleeve.
The buzzing intensified. A wave of tiny, chitinous bodies erupted from Shino's clothing, swarming towards me. I let out a theatrical shriek.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: SHINO ABURAME (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: MINOR INSECT CONTROL (Active) - The ability to exert a very limited influence over small insects. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (SHINO ABURAME): 0 ]
I coughed, spitting out a few stray bugs, and sat up. My body was fine, but I felt… itchy. And vaguely disgusted.
"Well, that was… thorough," I said, brushing myself off. "Minor Insect Control? Fantastic. Now I can command an army of ants to steal my neighbor's cookies. This is truly the path to greatness."
Next up, Kiba Inuzuka and his canine companion, Akamaru. I found them training in a different part of the forest, practicing their Fang Over Fang.
"Kiba! Akamaru! My favorite dynamic duo!" I yelled, running towards them. "That's some impressive teamwork! Say, how do you get Akamaru to listen to you so well? My imaginary pet rock just sits there and judges me."
Kiba grinned, puffing out his chest. "It's all about the bond, civilian! Akamaru and I are inseparable! We're the strongest duo in Konoha!"
"Oh, I believe it!" I said, nodding enthusiastically. "You guys are practically telepathic! Can you, like, smell fear? Because if so, I'm probably radiating it right now. I'm terrified of… uh… rogue squirrels! Yeah, rogue squirrels!" I then, with a perfectly timed "stumble," managed to get right in the middle of their next Fang Over Fang attack.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: KIBA INUZUKA (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: RUDIMENTARY CANINE SENSE OF SMELL/TRACKING (Passive) - A slight enhancement to your sense of smell, allowing for basic tracking. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (KIBA INUZUKA): 0 ]
I sat up, sniffing the air. "Huh. Smells like… fear. And dog. Mostly dog. Rudimentary Canine Sense of Smell? Great. Now I can find all the hidden treats in the village. This is going to be a very lucrative perk."
My final target for this round of genin-based deaths was Hinata Hyuga. I found her practicing her Gentle Fist, her movements fluid and precise. She was surprisingly powerful, despite her shy demeanor.
"Hinata! My dear!" I chirped, approaching her with a friendly smile. "Your movements are so graceful! Like a beautiful, deadly dance! I'm trying to learn some self-defense, but I'm a bit clumsy. Could you perhaps… demonstrate a gentle push?"
Hinata jumped, startled by my sudden appearance. Her face flushed crimson. "Oh! Um… I… I'm just practicing…"
"Nonsense!" I insisted, stepping closer. "A quick demonstration! Just a gentle nudge! I promise I won't break anything! Probably." I then, with a perfectly timed "trip," managed to get right in front of her extended palm. Her instincts kicked in, and she delivered a precise, albeit gentle, Gentle Fist strike.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: HINATA HYUGA (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC CHAKRA NETWORK MANIPULATION (Passive) - A very minor understanding of the chakra circulatory system. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (HINATA HYUGA): 0 ]
I sat up, rubbing my chest. It was a surprisingly pleasant death, all things considered. No broken bones, just a strange, tingling sensation.
"Wow, Hinata! That was… enlightening!" I said, beaming. "I feel like I understand the universe a little better now! You're amazing!"
Hinata, still blushing, stammered, "Oh, um… thank you, Adam-san…"
" Adam-san? Oh, she's too pure for this world. Or at least, too pure for my particular brand of chaos. "
My unique death count was steadily climbing.
[ CURRENT UNIQUE DEATHS: 31 ]
I was making progress. And my daily declarations to Tsunade were becoming legendary. She'd often send ANBU to "escort" me away from the Hokage Tower, but I always found a way back. Sometimes, she'd even come out herself, a vein throbbing in her forehead, and deliver a well-aimed punch that sent me flying. I always made sure it was my second death from her, now that I could afford it, and always thanked her profusely for the "spirited" response.
"Tsunade, my love!" I'd yell, picking myself up from the rubble of a nearby wall. "You're looking particularly radiant today! Is that a new shade of 'I'm going to kill you' in your eyes? Because it really suits you!"
She'd just grit her teeth and storm back inside, leaving Shizune to sigh dramatically.
" She's totally falling for me. Any day now, she's going to realize she can't live without my charming wit and my uncanny ability to regenerate after being used as a human wrecking ball. "
Life in Konoha was good. I was rich, I was immortal, and I was steadily acquiring new skills. The villagers, initially wary, had mostly come to accept me as "that weird, rich guy who keeps bothering the Hokage and then explodes." Some even found my antics amusing. Especially the kids. They'd cheer when I'd do my skywriting proposals.
"Adam-san, marry Hokage-sama!" they'd shout.
"I'm working on it, kids! She's just playing hard to get!" I'd yell back.
The Hokage, however, was clearly not amused. Her paperwork seemed to pile up faster whenever I was around. And her sake consumption seemed to increase exponentially. But beneath all the fury, I could sense a subtle shift. A grudging acceptance. A recognition that, for better or worse, I was here to stay. And that, for Adam Yukimura, was a victory in itself.