The silence that followed Mira's question was deafening, broken only by the faint hum of the Bureau's ancient, overtaxed HVAC system and the distant clatter of a janitor's cart. Alex stood, still half-paralyzed, his face slowly lifting from his hands. Five pairs of eyes, ranging from Lirael's unnervingly analytical silver to Mira's wild, fanged amusement, were fixed on him. He felt like a particularly uninteresting specimen under a microscope.
"Right," Alex repeated, his voice a little steadier this time, though his internal monologue was screaming. Paperwork error. Paperwork error. This is not a drill. This is a five-alarm, interdimensional, HR-nightmare-level paperwork error.
He cleared his throat, trying to project an air of authority he absolutely did not possess. "Okay. Look. This is… unexpected. For all of us." He gestured vaguely at the glowing contract still clutched in his hand, then at the five women who had, moments ago, been nowhere. "Apparently, I accidentally invoked an ancient supernatural binding clause. Which means… you're all legally bound to me. For now." He winced, the words tasting like ash. "Don't ask me how. I just… signed a form."
Nix scoffed, a tiny wisp of smoke curling from her nostrils. "Bound? To you? You look like you get winded opening a pickle jar."
"My paperwork skills are unparalleled," Alex retorted, a flash of his usual dry wit cutting through the panic. "And apparently, so is my ability to accidentally enslave dangerous supernaturals. Look, I don't know what this 'binding' entails beyond making you appear in my cubicle, but I do know one thing: if the Bureau finds out, we're all in deep, deep trouble. You, for being unregistered and uncontained. Me, for… well, for accidentally binding five dangerous supernaturals." He didn't need to add the "and probably losing my job and being erased from existence" part. It hung unspoken in the air.
Lady Sylvia's eyes narrowed, her regal composure barely wavering. "Bound? To a human? This is an insult to my lineage. I am Lady Sylvia D'Thorn, of the Summer Court, and no mere mortal shall command me." She took a graceful step forward, her bare foot leaving a faint, shimmering trail on the carpet. "Release me at once, drab little man, or face the wrath of the Pale Court."
"I would if I could, Lady D'Thorn," Alex said, rubbing his temples. "But as I just explained, it was an accident. And I don't know how to undo it. Yet. Which brings us to the immediate problem: Bureau agents are probably already on their way to investigate the energy spike from your… arrival." He pointed at the still-flickering lights. "We need to get out of here. Now."
Lirael, who had been silently observing the entire exchange, finally spoke again. Her voice, devoid of emotion, was chillingly logical. "The probability of immediate detection is 97.3%. Your proposed egress strategy is… inefficient. Your apartment, as per Bureau schematics, possesses a low-level magical reinforcement field, suitable for minor containment breaches. It is the optimal short-term solution."
Alex blinked. "You know about my apartment?"
"Data acquisition is a primary function," Lirael stated simply, as if discussing the weather.
"Right. Of course," Alex muttered. He was already developing a headache that felt like a tiny, angry gnome was hammering inside his skull. "Okay, new plan. Everyone. To my apartment. Immediately. We need to look like we're leaving normally. No glowing, no smoke, no vanishing into shadows, no… raw onions." He looked pointedly at Mira.
Mira shrugged, taking another bite. "Just trying to stay hydrated, boss."
"Let's go," Alex urged, already moving towards the cubicle exit. "Act natural. Blend in. We're just… a very diverse group of Bureau employees heading home after a long day."
Getting five supernaturals, each with their own unique brand of chaos, out of a government building unnoticed was, Alex quickly realized, significantly harder than deciphering ancient contracts.
Nix, bless her fiery heart, kept muttering about the "beige prison" and how she "could burn this whole place down in five minutes." Alex had to subtly nudge her away from a fire alarm panel. Lady Sylvia, meanwhile, walked with an air of such supreme disdain that she practically radiated "I am too good for this mortal realm." She kept trying to compel passing Bureau employees to fetch her coffee, which Alex had to intercept with increasingly frantic apologies about "new hires" and "a very specific dietary restriction."
Kana was the easiest to move, ironically, because she was so good at not being seen. She drifted silently behind them, a wraith in a hoodie, occasionally flinching from the bright lights or the noise of the office. Alex worried she might simply dissolve into the shadows and be lost forever.
Lirael walked with an unnerving grace, her silver eyes scanning everything, occasionally pausing to touch a wall or a filing cabinet as if downloading its entire history. She made Alex profoundly uncomfortable, but at least she wasn't actively trying to cause a scene.
Mira was the wild card. She flirted with the security guard, tried to arm-wrestle a startled intern, and kept making crude jokes about the Bureau's dress code. Alex had to physically steer her past the main lobby, his face burning with embarrassment.
They finally made it to the street, blending (or rather, clashing spectacularly) with the rush hour crowd. The city, a sprawling, unnamed metropolis, hummed with its own chaotic energy, a stark contrast to the Bureau's sterile order. Magical hotspots disguised as laundromats and vending machines that dispensed cursed relics were hidden in plain sight, a secret world layered beneath the mundane. Alex usually found comfort in this hidden layer, a reminder that life wasn't all paperwork. Tonight, it felt like a mocking echo of his new reality.
"Alright," Alex said, pulling out his keys. "My apartment isn't far. It's… cozy." Cozy was a euphemism for "barely enough space for one person and a growing collection of takeout containers." Five supernaturals would be a tight squeeze.
The walk to his apartment was a blur of near-misses. Nix almost ignited a trash can. Sylvia tried to convince a street vendor to give her his entire stock of flowers for "a single, exquisite smile." Mira tried to pickpocket a tourist. Alex felt like a frantic shepherd herding five very dangerous, very uncooperative sheep.
Finally, they reached his building, a slightly dilapidated but magically-reinforced brownstone nestled between a perpetually-closed dry cleaner and a suspiciously quiet antique shop. The wards hummed faintly as he approached, a familiar, comforting presence that usually kept out rogue pixies and overly enthusiastic door-to-door cultists. Tonight, he hoped they were strong enough to contain five highly volatile beings.
He fumbled with his keys, his hands shaking slightly. "Okay, everyone in. Quietly. My neighbors are… observant."
The apartment was exactly as he'd left it: a controlled mess of books, old coffee mugs, and the faint scent of stale ramen. The living room, dominated by a worn couch and a single, overflowing bookshelf, felt suddenly Lilliputian with the addition of five new, very imposing occupants.
"This is it?" Nix asked, looking around with disdain. "This is where you keep your… collection?"
"It's my home," Alex retorted, already feeling defensive. "And you're not a collection. You're… my new, temporary, legally-mandated houseguests."
Lady Sylvia wrinkled her nose. "The air here is… stagnant. And what is that peculiar box that screams?" She pointed at his television.
"That's a TV," Alex explained, already feeling the onset of a monumental migraine. "And it's off."
Lirael, meanwhile, had gravitated towards his bookshelf, her silver eyes scanning the titles with astonishing speed. "Your literary preferences are… eclectic. A surprising number of historical romances for a Bureau agent."
Alex flushed. "They're for… research."
Mira plopped onto his couch, testing the springs. "Comfy. You got snacks, boss? That onion was just an appetizer."
Kana had found the darkest corner of the room, near a dusty houseplant, and seemed to be trying to merge with the shadows. She was almost invisible already.
Suddenly, a loud, insistent knocking echoed through the apartment. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. It wasn't a neighbor. It was too firm, too rhythmic, too… official.
Alex's blood ran cold. "Bureau," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "They followed us."
He looked at the women, their faces a mixture of confusion, defiance, and in Mira's case, gleeful anticipation. "Listen," he hissed, "this is critical. If they find you, it's game over. For all of us. You have to hide. Now."
Nix scoffed. "Hide? I don't hide from anyone."
"This isn't about pride, Nix, it's about survival!" Alex argued, his voice rising. "They'll take you back to containment, and they'll erase me. Permanently. Think 'Bureau Best Practices' but with less paperwork and more… non-existence."
Lady Sylvia, surprisingly, seemed to grasp the gravity of the situation. "Where, pray tell, are we to conceal ourselves in this… humble abode?"
Alex frantically scanned his tiny apartment. There was no secret room, no hidden passage. Just a living room, a small kitchen, a bathroom, and his bedroom. "Uh… bathroom! Closet! Under the bed! Anywhere!"
The knocking came again, louder this time. "Bureau of Supernatural Regulation! Open up, Mr. Kim! We know you're in there!"
"Damn it," Alex cursed. He pushed Nix towards the bathroom. "Go! All of you!"
Nix grumbled but disappeared into the small bathroom, a faint hiss of steam following her. Lady Sylvia, with a sigh of theatrical resignation, flowed into his bedroom, her emerald dress shimmering as she vanished behind the door. Kana, already a master of invisibility, simply melted into the deepest shadows of the living room, leaving only a faint chill in the air.
Lirael, however, remained. She stood perfectly still, her silver eyes fixed on Alex. "My analysis indicates insufficient concealment options for all units. My presence will compromise the deception."
"Lirael, please!" Alex pleaded, gesturing wildly towards the kitchen pantry. "Just… get in there! I'll explain later!"
She tilted her head, a gesture that was both alien and strangely endearing. "Very well. For the sake of data integrity." With a ripple of distorted air, she phased directly into the pantry, the door remaining shut, as if she were never there. Alex blinked. That was… convenient. And terrifying.
Mira, however, was still standing in the middle of the living room, a wide, challenging grin on her face. "What, no fun? I was just getting warmed up."
"Mira, no!" Alex hissed, grabbing her arm and trying to pull her towards the bedroom. She was surprisingly solid, like trying to move a small, very muscular boulder.
"Bureau of Supernatural Regulation! Final warning, Mr. Kim!" The voice from outside was closer now, accompanied by the distinct sound of heavy boots on his porch.
"Fine, fine!" Mira laughed, shrugging him off. "But if I get bored, I'm starting a dance party." She then, to Alex's horror, didn't hide. Instead, she seemed to shrink slightly, her form blurring, and then she was gone. Not phased, not melted into shadows, but simply… gone. Alex stared at the empty space where she'd been. He had no idea where she'd gone, or what she'd done. He just hoped she wasn't hiding in his kitchen sink.
The knocking escalated into a pounding. "Mr. Kim! We have a warrant for a Level 4 containment breach!"
Alex took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He ran a hand over his hair, straightened his tie, and tried to adopt his most innocent, bureaucratic expression. He opened the door.
Standing on his porch were two Bureau agents. The first was Agent Davies, a burly man with a perpetually suspicious scowl and a magical dampener strapped to his wrist. The second was a younger, sharper woman, Agent Chen, whose eyes seemed to miss nothing. Both wore the standard-issue drab grey uniforms, but with the added tactical vests and sidearms that screamed "Division A – Containment and Relocation."
"Mr. Kim," Agent Davies said, his voice a low rumble, his eyes already scanning the interior of Alex's apartment. "We detected a significant energy spike emanating from this location. A Level 4 containment breach signature, to be precise. Are you aware of any… unauthorized supernatural activity?"
Alex forced a smile, a little too wide, a little too strained. "Agent Davies, Agent Chen! What a… pleasant surprise. Unauthorized supernatural activity? Here? In my humble abode? Perish the thought!" He gestured vaguely around his apartment, trying to appear nonchalant. "Just me, enjoying a quiet evening. Perhaps your sensors are… malfunctioning?"
Agent Chen's gaze was like a laser, sweeping over every detail. She paused, her eyes narrowing, on a faint scorch mark on his rug near where Nix had appeared. Alex subtly shifted his foot to cover it.
"Our sensors are highly calibrated, Mr. Kim," Agent Chen said, her voice cool and professional. "And the signature was quite distinct. A multi-spectral, multi-entity manifestation. Unregistered, uncontained."
"Multi-entity?" Alex chuckled nervously. "You wound me, Agent Chen. I assure you, it's just little old me. Maybe… maybe my old microwave is acting up? It sometimes makes a funny hum. And the lights flicker. You know, old wiring." He gestured towards the kitchen, hoping Lirael wasn't currently analyzing his spice rack.
Agent Davies took another step inside, his gaze sweeping the living room. "We'll need to conduct a full sweep, Mr. Kim. Standard procedure for a Level 4."
Alex's heart hammered against his ribs. A full sweep? They'd find them. Nix would probably set fire to the bathroom, Sylvia would try to glamour them into forgetting, Kana would remain invisible but probably leave a trail of existential dread, Lirael would offer them a mathematically precise explanation of their impending doom, and Mira… Mira would probably just punch them.
He needed to buy time. He needed a distraction.
"A full sweep?" Alex feigned indignation. "Agent Davies, with all due respect, this is my private residence. And I'm a Bureau employee! Division B, Policy & Contracts. Surely, we can resolve this with a bit of… discussion. Perhaps over a cup of… lukewarm Bureau coffee?"
Agent Davies snorted. "No offense, Kim, but Division B is where the paperwork goes to die. We're Division A. We deal with actual threats. Now, move aside."
Suddenly, a faint, almost imperceptible clink came from the kitchen pantry. Alex froze. Lirael. Had she dropped something? Was she analyzing his canned goods too loudly?
Agent Chen's head snapped towards the sound. "What was that?"
Alex's mind raced. He had to think fast. "Oh, that! That's… that's my cat! Yes! My very… shy… cat. He's a bit skittish. Hates strangers. Especially Bureau agents." He tried to sound convincing, despite the fact he did not own a cat. Or any pet, for that matter. Unless you counted the dust bunnies under his couch, which were probably sentient by now.
Agent Davies raised an eyebrow. "A cat? We didn't see a cat on your personnel file."
"He's a new addition!" Alex blurted. "A… rescue! Very… fluffy. And… prone to knocking things over. Like… cans of… tuna." He hoped Lirael was listening and understood the implication.
Another clink, slightly louder this time, followed by a faint, metallic scraping sound. It sounded less like a cat and more like a highly intelligent alien trying to disassemble a shelf.
Agent Chen's eyes narrowed. "That doesn't sound like a cat, Mr. Kim."
"He's a very large cat!" Alex insisted, trying to block their view of the kitchen with his body. "A… Maine Coon! They're very… robust. And clumsy. He's probably just… reorganizing my pantry. For optimal feline comfort, you understand."
Just then, a low, guttural growl emanated from the bathroom. It was Nix. She was clearly getting impatient.
Agent Davies's hand went to his dampener. "What in the blazes was that?"
Alex's mind went blank. He was out of excuses. He was going to be erased. He could already picture the blank space in the Bureau's employee directory where his name used to be.
Then, a sudden, high-pitched squeal. Not human. Not supernatural. It was the sound of his ancient, rusty plumbing protesting vehemently. A moment later, a loud WHOOSH and a spray of water erupted from under the bathroom door, soaking the carpet.
"My pipes!" Alex exclaimed, seizing the opportunity. "Oh, no! My ancient, unreliable pipes! They've finally burst! This is a disaster! You know how old this building is, Agent Davies, the infrastructure is a nightmare! I've been meaning to call a plumber for weeks!"
He rushed towards the bathroom, making a show of inspecting the gushing water, effectively drawing their attention away from the other hiding spots. Nix, he realized, must have deliberately caused the pipe to burst. A chaotic, destructive distraction. Bless her fiery heart.
Agent Davies and Agent Chen exchanged a look. Burst pipes were a mundane problem, but a messy one. And it certainly explained the "disturbance" better than a multi-entity manifestation.
"Alright, Kim," Agent Davies sighed, clearly annoyed but also unwilling to wade through a flooded apartment. "We'll send a Bureau-approved plumber. But we'll be back tomorrow for a full inspection. And we'll be checking those sensors."
"Of course, Agent Davies! Anything to assist the Bureau!" Alex said, trying to sound grateful and cooperative, all while mentally calculating how many hours he had to fix his pipes and re-hide five supernaturals.
The agents left, their heavy boots thudding down the stairs. Alex waited until he heard the front door click shut, then let out a long, shaky breath. He leaned against the bathroom door, water seeping into his trousers.
"Okay," he called out, his voice hoarse. "Coast clear. You can come out now."
Nix emerged from the bathroom, looking slightly damp but triumphant. "Took you long enough. That pipe was barely holding on anyway."
Lady Sylvia glided out of his bedroom, her emerald dress pristine. "That was… surprisingly effective. Though the indignity of hiding in a mortal's sleeping chamber was considerable."
Kana shimmered into full visibility from the corner, her eyes still wide, but a faint, almost imperceptible smile touching her lips.
Lirael phased out of the pantry, holding a can of chickpeas. "Your 'cat' possesses unusual dietary preferences. And your plumbing is structurally unsound. A 68% chance of catastrophic failure within the next 72 hours."
"Thanks for the update, Lirael," Alex said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "And Mira? Where are you?"
A muffled giggle came from inside his couch cushions. Then, with a sudden POP, Mira's head emerged from between two cushions, her fanged grin wider than ever. "Surprise, boss! Told you I could hide anywhere."
Alex stared. "You were inside my couch?"
"Cozy!" she chirped, then wriggled out, stretching like a cat.
He had successfully bluffed his way through a Bureau inspection. He had five dangerous supernaturals crammed into his tiny apartment. His pipes were bursting. And he had a mandatory "Bureau Best Practices" seminar in the morning.
Alex looked at the chaos, at the women who were now his undeniable responsibility, at the water pooling on his floor. His life, which had been a carefully constructed edifice of order and predictability, had just been utterly, spectacularly demolished. And he had a sneaking suspicion this was just the beginning.
"Alright," he said, running a hand through his perpetually messy hair. "New rules. Rule number one: No more bursting pipes. Rule number two: We need to figure out what this binding actually does. Rule number three: Someone needs to explain to me how you all just… did that." He gestured vaguely at their various hiding places. "And rule number four: Does anyone know how to fix a leaky pipe?"
The women looked at each other, then back at Alex, their expressions a mix of confusion, amusement, and a dawning realization that their new "Guardian" was utterly out of his depth.
This was going to be a very, very long night. And Alex had a feeling his apartment, a place he'd always considered his sanctuary, was about to become ground zero for all the supernatural hijinks he'd only ever read about in Bureau files. His quiet, orderly life had just exploded, and he was pretty sure the paperwork for this wasn't in any manual.