It started with a ping.
Not a magical alarm. Not a divine omen. Not even a guild emergency broadcast.
Just… a ping.
"Ping!" said Kazuki's mana scroll, glowing faintly on his belt. He picked it up, expecting a message from the Guild.
Instead, the screen glitched.
Then glitched again.
Then words appeared—ancient runes, scrolling themselves across the glassy surface of the scroll. But as Kazuki squinted at them, they… translated.
"yo. who woke me up lol"
He blinked. "…Huh?"
"this kazuki boi?"
"u funny. i like u. wanna hang?"
Then it sent a 'skull' emoji.
Kazuki threw the scroll across the room.
Taka nearly fell off the windowsill. "WHAT. WAS. THAT."
"Something just messaged me from a tomb," Kazuki said. "With emojis."
A few hours later, at the Guild Hall
Guildmaster Renji squinted at the scroll. "You're saying an ancient sealed tomb… texted you?"
Kazuki nodded.
"And invited you to hang out?"
Another nod.
The entire table went quiet.
Then Rina, the receptionist, giggled. "I think that's kinda cute."
Renji did not.
"Ancient tombs don't flirt," he growled. "They consume nations."
"Correction," said Himei, elegantly coiled around a bookshelf. "They flirt first, then consume nations."
Kazuki poked the scroll again. More runes appeared.
"u coming or nah"
"i got snacks"
"jk it's your bones"
Later, in the Wailing Flats
They found it.
A monolithic slab of black stone, half-buried in cracked salt, rose from the earth like a rotten tooth. Carvings littered its sides—skulls, snakes, and… socks?
"Is that… a sock pyramid?" Kazuki asked.
Smile jiggled. (He had tagged along because he smelled "free drama.")
Taka flapped to the top of the tomb. "There's a glowing rune up here… and a button."
"Don't press it," Himei and Kazuki said in unison.
Taka pressed it.
The earth shuddered.
Cracks spiderwebbed across the surface of the tomb. Mana sizzled in the air.
A voice boomed out of nowhere.
"NEW FRIEND DETECTED. INITIATING RISE SEQUENCE."
"HEYYYYYY KAZUKIIIIIIIIIIIII—"
An enormous hand burst from the ground. Then a second. Then the head of a massive undead being—half skeleton, half… nobleman in pajamas.
A ghostly monocle floated over its eye socket.
"I HAVE AWAKENED FROM MY 1,000-YEAR SLUMBER," it roared.
Kazuki waved. "…Hi?"
"YOU HAVE PASSED THE FIRST TEST."
"Which was?"
"BEING FUNNY ON THE INTERNET."
Kazuki looked at his companions. "…I'm sorry, what even is this arc?"
Introducing: Baron Dreadwhimsy, Lord of the Undying Slumber
Apparently, in life, he had been a feared necrolord who cursed empires into dust.
And in undeath?
He was just… lonely.
"My last visitor was a monk who screamed and exploded," Dreadwhimsy said. "I do miss conversation."
Kazuki stared as the undead lord served them tea using spectral hands and floated party hats onto their heads.
"Do you have quests?" Kazuki asked hesitantly.
"Do I!?" Dreadwhimsy said. "You, sir, are now part of the Barony of Boredom Quests!"
Smile jiggled approvingly.
Kazuki sighed. "Fine. Let's hear it."
Dreadwhimsy's Quest List:
Reorganize My Bone Garden
Skeletons keep forming dance crews again.
Defeat My Former Self
Apparently, his "evil" side split off and started a Doom Yoga studio in the next province.
Host a tea party that summons gods
"They get bored too, I'm sure."
Kazuki looked at the list.
Then at the glowing tomb.
Then at the necrolord pouring ghost-chamomile tea while humming sea shanties.
"…We're doing this, aren't we."
Taka groaned.
Himei blinked. "I believe we have no choice."
Smile jiggled like a cat ready to knock over a vase. He loved this.
Meanwhile…
In a lavish arena surrounded by cheering crowds, Aurelis felled his fifth Chimera of the day. Fire roared around him. Spectators chanted his name.
But his mana scroll pinged.
A screenshot popped up of Kazuki sipping tea beside a gigantic undead baron wearing bunny slippers and monocle.
Aurelis screamed.
He threw the scroll.
The crowd went silent.
He turned to them dramatically. "A NEW EVIL HAS RISEN. AND IT… TEXTS."