"So, let me get this straight," Kazuki began, holding a tiny clipboard.
"You want me… to mediate a union dispute," he continued, "between undead skeletons who do not have vocal cords."
Baron Dreadwhimsy clapped his bony hands with delight. "Correct!"
Kazuki stared at the courtyard—if you could call it that. The area outside the tomb had transformed into a strange skeletal garden-slash-cafeteria-slash-mosh pit, where dozens of skeletons were waving protest signs.
"No Bones, No Work!"
"We Demand Ribcage Coverage!"
"We Have a Spine—Let Us Use It!"
One skeleton tossed a pickaxe at Kazuki's feet and groaned. Another gestured wildly at its missing jaw, then wrote "UNPAID AFTERLIFE OVERTIME" in the sand with its finger bones.
Taka peered over Kazuki's shoulder. "This might be the most cursed side quest I've ever seen."
Himei nodded solemnly. "They've unionized."
Smile jiggled smugly on a nearby tree stump, having appointed himself as impartial observer-slime, which in Smile's case meant "chaos referee."
The Bone Council
Dreadwhimsy floated to a chair made entirely out of failed philosophers and set it down with a flourish. "Presenting… The Bone Council!"
Out stepped three skeletons with distinct auras:
Spinoza, the skeleton with a glowing green beret and clipboard—clearly the leader.
Crackjaw, a skeleton with sunglasses and a jaw that clicked furiously.
Mimi, a skeleton with a pink bow and disturbingly aggressive tap-dancing shoes.
Kazuki, acting as "Heroic Mediator," cleared his throat.
"So, uh, what's the issue?"
Spinoza cracked his knuckles. "We work 24/7 haunting tunnels, jump-scaring intruders, doing spooky cartwheels—and we have to sing in Dreadwhimsy's after-dinner choirs."
Kazuki turned to Dreadwhimsy.
"I do enjoy musicals," the baron said with a proud nod. "And my version of Les Boneserables is stunning."
Spinoza snapped. "We're tired!"
Kazuki blinked. "But you're undead."
Mimi slammed her tap shoes twice, summoning an earthquake.
Point taken.
Negotiation Begins
"Alright," Kazuki said, slipping into the awkward role of diplomat. "Let's compromise."
Option A: Shorten their haunting hours.
Option B: Introduce "spook breaks."
Option C: Build a recreational skull-painting station.
Smile jiggled. "D—Give them their own tavern and let them form a death metal band."
To Kazuki's surprise, all three skeletons rattled in excitement.
"…That's disturbingly reasonable," he said.
Dreadwhimsy nodded. "Very well. Bone Rattle & Roll Tavern shall be constructed!"
The skeletons cheered. Literally. They picked up tambourines and started playing their own exit theme.
Elsewhere… Trouble Brews
Far from the undead festivities, a cloaked figure knelt before a scrying mirror.
A hazy image showed Kazuki chugging ghost-tea and laughing with skeletons who were now attempting breakdancing.
The figure growled.
"It's him. The chaotic one. He bends rules, ignores fate, and now…"
The image zoomed in on Kazuki giving a high-five to a skeleton drummer.
"…he's unionizing the undead."
Back at the Tomb
"Here's your official Heroic Mediation Certificate!" Dreadwhimsy announced, handing Kazuki a scroll wrapped in ectoplasm.
[QUEST COMPLETE – BONES OF CONTENTION]
+200 EXP
+3 Skeleton Favor
+1 Confused Slime
"You've done it," said Spinoza, shaking Kazuki's hand. "We shall tell tales of your wisdom for eons."
Smile jiggled.
Then jiggled again.
Then paused.
Kazuki frowned. "Why are you vibrating like you drank twelve espressos?"
Smile pointed with a stubby tendril.
From the sky… came a cloud.
But not just any cloud.
A golden one.
With wings.
And a halo.
And… sunglasses?
The Arrival of a Minor Deity
The cloud descended, revealing a figure made of light, robes, and passive-aggressive radiance.
"I heard there was a party," the deity said, dramatically removing their celestial shades.
Kazuki's scroll vibrated.
NEW GUEST UNLOCKED: Minor God of Work-Life Balance
The deity smiled serenely. "I'm here to audit the tomb."
Dreadwhimsy screamed.