I've known Kellie my whole life, but sometimes… I feel like I don't know her at all.
She's always been quiet cold, even. People are scared of her at school. They say she's untouchable, rude, too aloof to deal with. But they don't see the way she carries an extra umbrella in case I forget mine. They don't see how she always stands on the street side when we walk, or how she cuts the crust off her bread and gives it to me without saying a word.
They don't see her like I do.
And lately... I feel like I'm seeing her even more clearly.
Like just now when she saw Hana sitting next to me, her eyes changed. Only for a second, but I caught it. A flash of something. Jealousy?
No. That can't be it.
Can it?
Hana is nice. She's funny, confident. The way she talks, the way she leans in when she laughs it's easy to get pulled into her orbit. I don't blame the others for being drawn to her. Even I am, a little.
But Kellie she's different. She's never tried to impress me. She's just there. Always. Like the wind that pushes me forward, or the silence that makes me feel safe.
We were walking home together after school.
The sun was low, casting long shadows over the sidewalk. I glanced at her from the side. Her red hair caught the golden light, and I thought, for the hundredth time, how beautiful she looked when she wasn't paying attention.
"Hey, Kellie?"
"Hm?"
"What do you think of Hana?"
She didn't answer at first. Then: "Why?"
"I dunno." I kicked at a loose stone on the path. "Just wondering."
"She's loud."
I laughed. "She's fun."
"She's nosy."
"She's interesting."
Kellie stopped walking. I turned, confused. She was staring straight ahead.
"She's not you."
My heart jumped. "What does that mean?"
She looked at me then really looked. And for a second, I forgot how to breathe.
But she looked away just as quickly.
"Nothing. Let's go."
That night, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about her voice, the way she said She's not you.
And I realized something.
Maybe I wasn't confused.
Maybe I was just scared.
Because if I let myself feel what I think I've always felt…
I don't know if either of us would survive it.