I don't like her.
I told myself that over and over as I sat at my desk, watching Hana lean over Rose's notebook again. Laughing. Whispering. Sharing space that used to belong to me.
Not that it ever really belonged to me.
I didn't say anything. I never do. But I could feel it in my chest like something tight, like something ready to snap.
When the lunch bell rang, I didn't wait for Rose. I walked straight to the rooftop alone.
I stood by the chain-link fence, gripping the metal so hard my fingers ached. Wind rushed past my ears, sharp and cold.
I hated this.
I hated being the one who felt too much and said too little. I hated that she could make me feel like this just by looking at someone else the way she used to look at me.
"Rough day?"
I didn't have to turn around to know who it was.
Hana.
She came up beside me like we were friends. Like we had something between us. She leaned on the rail, facing the same wind I was.
"You don't talk much," she said.
"Neither do you."
She laughed softly. "Fair. But you stare a lot. At Rose."
I turned to look at her then. Slowly. Carefully.
"And?"
"She's pretty, huh?"
I didn't answer.
She pushed away from the fence and faced me fully. "You like her."
It wasn't a question.
I stayed silent.
"I'm not trying to get in the way," Hana added. "I just… I like her too."
I looked up. Her face was calm. Serious. Honest.
"I figured you wouldn't say anything. You're the type to burn quietly and blame the smoke."
My jaw tightened.
"You don't know anything about me."
"I know enough."
She paused.
"But maybe you should ask yourself: what are you so afraid of? Her answer? Or your own?"
Then she left.
And for once, I didn't feel cold from the wind.
I felt cold because maybe she was right.
After school, Rose caught up to me in the hallway.
"Kellie. Wait."
I stopped, but didn't turn around.
She walked beside me for a second, then gently grabbed my sleeve.
"Talk to me."
I didn't.
She stepped in front of me. Her voice was soft. "Did I do something?"
"No."
"Then why are you"
"Because I hate this," I snapped. My voice cracked. "I hate watching you with her. I hate feeling like I'm disappearing."
Rose's eyes widened.
"I didn't know you felt that way," she said quietly.
I laughed once, bitter. "Of course you didn't."
"I just…" She hesitated. "I didn't think you could feel something like that."
I stepped closer. My voice dropped.
"You have no idea what I feel."
And for one second, she didn't move. She didn't breathe.
Then she touched my hand. Light. Barely there.
"Then show me."